Sunday, June 30, 2013

Jackboots on Whitehall (2010)

Directors: Edward McHenry & Rory McHenry

Starring: Ewan McGregor, Rosamund Pike, Richard E. Grant, Timothy Spall, Tom Wilkinson, Alan Cumming, Dominic West, Sanjeev Bhaskar, Richard Griffiths, Richard O'Brien, Pam Ferris

More info: IMDb

Tagline: The smallest epic film you'll ever see!

Plot: World War II: What if Nazis seized London and all of England had to band together? When scarily campy Nazi leaders invade by drilling under the English Channel and up through the cobblestones on Whitehall, Churchill leaves his quiet retirement with a cat that looks like Hitler to issue a call to arms from his bunker under Downing Street. Chris, a young farm worker with large hands, rallies the village to fight the good fight -- including an alcoholic Vicar, the oldest man in the town, several idiots, a random Frenchman and Bobby Fiske, a swearing American who believes he's battling Russia.

My rating: 5.5/10

Will I watch it again? No.

I caught the trailer a while back and I just had to watch it.  Thirty minutes into this and I wasn't so positive.  It's got some nice moments of puppetry (like the opening plane battle - GREAT!) but it's stretched out to feature length.  My disappointment is partly my fault.  The trailer was fun, I'm a HUGE fan of TEAM AMERICA: WORLD POLICE (2004) and I was hoping this would be along the same lines AND I watched this right after seeing FDR: AMERICAN BADASS (2012) which was friggin' hilarious.  That's a lot to live up to.  Like I said, this has its moments but they're mostly in some of the model work and action scenes and even then they're not consistent.  I'm really bummed that I didn't like this more.  Maybe I'm naive but considering it had a $6M budget I thought it should have been better.

Kid Galahad (1937)

Director: Michael Curtiz

Starring: Edward G. Robinson, Bette Davis, Humphrey Bogart, Wayne Morris, Jane Bryan, hary Carey, William Haade, Soledad Jimenez, Joe Cunningham, Ben Welden

More info: IMDb

Plot: When a bellhop knocks out fighter Chuck McGraw, promoter Nick Donati realizes he's a potential champ. "Kid Galahad" justifies Nick's confidence, but Nick's mistress Fluff falls for him; in turn, the Kid falls for Nick's young sister. Now overprotective brother Nick turns against his new fighter, leading to a near- disastrous title fight and a murderous confrontation.

My rating: 8/10

Will I watch it again? Yes.

Why can't they make trailers like that nowadays?

Great flick! Robinson has always been one of my top favorites since I was a kid.  Here he starts out as a fast talking, fun loving guy but by the end of the picture he's a touch, mean sumbitch that really shows some anger.  There's a great deal of emotional weight brought on by his character by the end of the movie.  He pulls a major dick move.  I was captivated.  Bette Davis is fun and spits out dialogue like a Tommy Gun with bullets and Bogart oozes scumbag badness.  Loved it.

Saturday, June 29, 2013

Back to School (1986)

Director: Alan Metter

Starring: Rodney Dangerfield, Sally Kellerman, Burt Young, Keith Gordon, Robert Downey Jr., Paxton Whitehead, Terry Farrell, M. Emmet Walsh, Adrienne Barbeau, William Zabka, Ned Beatty, Sam Kinison, Kurt Vonnegut Jr., Edie McClurg, Oingo Boingo

More info: IMDb

Tagline: Registration starts Friday, June 13, at theaters everywhere.

Plot: Millionaire businessman Thornton Melon is upset when his son Jason announces that he is not sure about going to college. Thornton insists that college is the best thing he never had for himself, and to prove his point, he agrees to enroll in school along with his son. Thornton is a big hit on campus: always throwing the biggest parties, knowing all the right people, but is this the way to pass college?

My rating: 10/10

Will I watch it again? YES!!!

I fucking love this movie.  It's a top five comedies of the 80s in my book.  Dangerfield is in top form, the jokes are fast and funny, there's a tremendous sense of fun that you get from the actors.  I bet they were having a blast making this picture.  It's got Danny Elfman and Oingo Boingo playing at a party.  Elfman's score is so playful and optimistic.  I love it.  Sally Kellerman is all kinds of scrummy.  Paxton Whitehead excels at playing her pompous suitor.  Burt Young plays the muscle really well and it's always fun to see M. Emmet Walsh in anything.  Dangerfield's the big draw, though.  Watching him do the Triple Lindy kills me every time.  That look on his face!  If I had time to watch even more movies this is one that would be on a monthly rotation.

The Incredible Petrified World (1957)

Director: Jerry Warren

Starring: John Carradine, Robert Clarke, Phyllis Coates, Allen Windsor, Sheila Noonan, George Skaff, Maurice Bernard, Joe Maierhouser, Lloyd Nelson, Harry Raven, Milt Collion, Robert Carroll, Lowell Hopkins, Jack Haffner, Jerry Warren

More info: IMDb

Tagline: See! The terror of a skindive to the center of the Earth! Caverns of Forgotten Men! Boiling Volcanos! Tidal Earthquakes! Horror of Undead Monsters!

Plot: Four adventurers descend to the depths of the ocean when the cable on their underwater diving bell snaps. The rest of their expedition, believing them to be lost, abandons hope of finding them. Exiting the diving bell, the party finds themselves in a network of underwater caverns. They encounter a shipwreck survivor. He tells them he has been there for 14 years and that there is no way out. The two men in the exploring party believe him only after a hike to a volcanic vent that supplies the caverns with oxygen. On the surface, Prof. Millard Wyman, the elder scientist who designed the original diving bell, decides to try again to explore the depths of the ocean. He finds out that there is another diving bell in existence that is identical to the one that was lost...

My rating: 5/10

Will I watch it again? No.

Who would have thought that 67 minutes could last so long? If you know what kind of stinkers John Carradine is capable of being in, this one's probably about average.  It's not that horrible but it's the slow pacing that gets to me and that's with a picture that seems to have a lot going on.  The story is OK at best, there's nothing wrong with the acting (if only it had reached the point of so-bad-it's-good, it would have been more enjoyable) but it's a 40 minute story stretched beyond its means. 

Friday, June 28, 2013

The Cell (2000)

Director: Tarsem Singh

Starring: Jennifer Lopez, Vince Vaughn, Vincent D'Onofrio, Colton James, Dylan Baker, Marianne Jean-Baptiste, Gerry Becker, Musetta Vander, Patrick Bauchau, Catherine Sutherland, James Gammon

More info: IMDb

Tagline: This Summer... Enter The Mind Of A Killer

Plot: An FBI agent persuades a social worker, who is adept with a new experimental technology, to enter the mind of a comatose serial killer in order to learn where he has hidden his latest kidnap victim.

My rating: 6/10

Will I watch it again? No.

I think we can all agree that this is a visually striking movie.  On that merit alone this would make for a satisfying theater experience (I passed it up when it came out).  As far as the story goes it's got some cliches that don't work so well.  The first one that struck me as "you're so ripping off better horror/crime/thrillers" is when the FBI guys are preparing to storm the serial killer's house.  It's so forced and urgent that it felt hokey.  The other is the down to the last possible second ending where Peter (Vaughn) tries to save the girl from drowning.  I'm not buying it.  It didn't end the way I'd like to see it but then that's Hollywood for you.  Lopez was OK but she needed more work before taking on this role.  Vaughn didn't convince me at times, too.   A+ on the visuals but a C on everything else.

Love After Death (1968)

Director: Glauco Del Mar

Starring: Guillermo De Cordova, Roberto Maurano, Carmin O'Neal, Angel Mario Ramirez, Gloris Garcia, Yolanda Signorelli, Juan Torres, Jennifer Welles, Cherie Winters

More info: IMDb

Tagline: Stay for the surprise ending!

Plot: Delicate cataleptic Mr. Montel is buried alive by his two-timing "virgin wife" Sofia and dastardly Dr. Anderson, but moments after his funeral, Montel claws himself out of the grave and swears vengeance on his wife by... becoming a sex maniac. The creepy little guy was a dud-in-bed before, but now he's turned on by every women he meets and learns there's nothing quite like Love After Death.

My rating: 5/10

Will I watch it again? No.

OK, so this man is buried alive (he's got that thing where he has all of the appearances of being dead but he's not) on purpose. It's 71 minutes long and in the first 10 minutes he's buried, crawls out and looks around.  That's how much padding there is in this picture.  Fortunately, we also get some AMAZING 1960s B&W nudity!

That's the best part and the only real reason to watch this.  There's a lot of it and it's all backed with some great jazz.

This Broad has more of a surprise ending than the movie.

There's a crazy supernatural ending (OK, so they buried husband disappears as a detective grabs him right after killing his wife).  Normally I'd consider that a spoiler alert but you won't care by the time you get to it if you should ever come across this to begin with.  If it weren't for the fantastic nudity there's no reason for me to ever watch this again.  I'll hold onto the disc since it's got a bunch of great trailers. The other two films that accompany this one aren't worth watching again, either - THE ATOMIC BRAIN (1963) and THE INCREDIBLE PETRIFIED WORLD (1957).

Alien Hunter (2003)

Director: Ron Krauss

Starring: James Spader, Janine Eser, John Lynch, Nikolai Binev, Leslie Stefanson, Aimee Graham, Stuart Charno, Carl Lewis, Svetia Vasileva

More info: IMDb

Tagline: At the ends of the Earth, it's the end of the world...

Plot: In 1947, in New Mexico, a radio operator receives a signal following patterns and while investigating the occurrence, he vanishes. In the present days, the same signal is transmitted from a base in the Falkland Islands to United States of America, and a satellite captures images of a unknown object in Antarctic. The cryptologist Julien Rome (James Spader) is invited to investigate the mystery in the South Pole, and he flies to a research base. While a team tries to open a weird shell probably from the outer space, Julien solves the message, indeed a distress signal ordering not to open the case.

My rating: 6/10

Will I watch it again? No.

Not a bad flick.  The cover blows but I picked it up for pennies at the flea market so I figured I'd give it a shot.  The last half hour gets a little ridiculous but I liked the ending and I liked the special effects for when they walk outside into the snow.  There are times when it feels like other movies (they're definitely stealing bits here and there) like THE THING (1982) and CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND (1977) but they've made it their own and it mostly works except for some drag-y bits.  There's lots of tech jargon babble trying to make the "science" sound impressive but that's to be expected in low budget, direct to video/TV movie sci-fi films but what's not expected is liking it, and I did.

The Atomic Brain (1963)

Director: Joseph V. Mascelli

Starring: Marjorie Eaton, Frank Gerstle, Frank Fowler, Erika Peters, Judy Bamber, Lisa Lang, Xerxes, Bradford Dillman, Margie Fisco

More info: IMDb

Tagline: Chained... to the devil's love lab!

Plot: Mrs. March, sadistic, selfish, and rich, uses her aging gigolo boyfriend and renegade scientist Otto Frank, whose illegal experiments she is subsidizing in her Gothic mansion, in a plan to transplant her brain into the body of a young woman. Three foreign domestics: Mexican Anita, British Bea, and Austrian Nina, are hired. Frank's mysterious and unexplained use of radiation can inexplicably transplant brains without surgery. After he puts a cat's brain into Anita and she literally scratches out Bea's eye, Nina becomes the prospective receptacle for Mrs. March's aging but still active libido.

My rating: 5/10

Will I watch it again? No.

Aka MONSTROSITY, this so-so one hour long horror picture is in the vein of Edgar Allen Poe and THE TWILIGHT ZONE.  You could easily cut 10-15 minutes just from the extra fat of extended scenes which I presume are there for filler to pad this out.  The only thing I really dug was the ending which only ends well for one person but even still they leave it open to doom for that character after the cameras are off. 

Wow!  Just...WOW!

It's one of three pictures and a shitload of great extras on a Something Weird Video DVD.  The extras alone are usually good enough to keep the disc but maybe one of the other two pictures will make it worthwhile.

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Ravenous (1999)

Director: AntoniaBird

Starring: Guy Pearce, Robert Carlyle, David Arquette, Jeremy Davies, Jeffrey Jones, John Spencer, Stephen Spinella, Neal McDonough, Joseph Runningfox, Bill Brochtrup, Sheila Tousey

More info: IMDb

Tagline: You are who you eat

Plot: Captain John Boyd receives a promotion after defeating the enemy command in a battle of the Mexican-American War, but because the general realizes it was an act of cowardice that got him there, he is given a backhanded promotion to Fort Spencer, where he is third in command. The others at the fort are two Indians, George and his sister, Martha, who came with the place, Chaplain Toffler, Reich, the soldier; Cleaves, a drugged-up cook; and Knox, who is frequently drunk. When a Scottish stranger named Colquhoun appears and recovers from frostbite almost instantly after being bathed, he tells a story about his party leader, Ives, eating members of the party to survive. As part of their duty, they must go up to the cave where this occurred to see if any have survived. Only Martha, Knox, and Cleaves stay behind. George warns that since Colquhoun admits to eating human flesh, he must be a Wendigo, a ravenous cannibalistic creature.

My rating: 10/10

Will I watch it again? Of course!

When this hit theaters I was away on a business trip for a little over a week.  When I returned it was gone.  It didn't last long in that town and I was bummed out.  Trailer looked fantastic.  The bumminging worsened after I finally saw it on DVD and I was so blown away by it that it was killing me that I missed it in the theater.  Oh, well.  I've seen it many times since and I've watched the extras, listened to the commentaries and the soundtrack.  Besides the craziness of the story and performances and Antonia Bird's clever direction, it's the brilliant and odd score by Mychael Nyman and Damon Albarn that brings it alive and in a big way.  It was strange to grasp the first time but it grew on me and I kept thinking about it long after.  I bought the soundtrack and spun it like mad and it quickly became one of my favorites.

The Purge (2013)

Director: James DeMonaco

Starring: Ethan Hawke, Lena Headey, Max Burkholder, Adelaide Kane, Edwin Hodge, Rhys Wakefield, Tony Oller, Arja Bareikis, Tom Yi

More info: IMDb

Tagline: Survive the night.

Plot: A family is held hostage for harboring the target of a murderous syndicate during the Purge, a 12-hour period in which any and all crime is legalized.

My rating: 6.5/10

Will I watch it again? No.

Not bad.  It's basically a home invasion flick but with an interesting sci-fi conceit of a weird, messed up futuristic (in the year 2022) society.  Nearly the entire picture takes place in the Sandin family home.  I was hoping for more exploration of The Purge itself but it's just there as a side thought.  They do give you a few of the rules and reasons but if you spend too much time on it you'll be able to quickly see how something like that could never work.  It's almost silly but then you're supposed to suspend your disbelief and just go with it which is exactly what I did.  I liked the ending (I could have loved it if it weren't for one thing which I won't spoil) and the action was at times pretty good.  Damn you, jump scares!  The leader of the preppy gang was creepy in that FUNNY GAMES (1997/2007) way.  It's satisfying but not so much that I need to ever revisit it.  Oh, and not to spoil anything, but the expected showdown that doesn't happen was pleasantly surprising and welcome.

Iron Man 3 (2013)

Director: Shane Black

Starring: Robert Downey Jr., Gwyneth Paltrow, Don Cheadle, Guy Pearce, Rebecca Hall, Jon favreau, Ben Kingsley, James Badge Dale, Stephanie Szostak, Paul Bettany, Williams Sadler, Miguel Ferrer

More info: IMDb

Tagline:  Fuck Superman!  (just kidding)
Plot: Marvel's "Iron Man 3" pits brash-but-brilliant industrialist Tony Stark/Iron Man against an enemy whose reach knows no bounds. When Stark finds his personal world destroyed at his enemy's hands, he embarks on a harrowing quest to find those responsible. This journey, at every turn, will test his mettle. With his back against the wall, Stark is left to survive by his own devices, relying on his ingenuity and instincts to protect those closest to him. As he fights his way back, Stark discovers the answer to the question that has secretly haunted him: does the man make the suit or does the suit make the man?

My rating: 8.5/10

Will I watch it again? Yes.

OK, so now I've seen it twice and it's even better the second time.  I thoroughly enjoyed it.  It's fun, witty and loaded with laughs and action.  I L-O-V-E the Mandarin surprise.  Guy Pearce is a rock star and was a great asset as the villain.  The end credits as an 80s TV show opening credit sequence is lots of fun.  I relationship with the kid worked for me better the second time around to the point of really liking it.  Writer/director Shane Black didn't trivialize it nearly as much as most other directors would. Great score by Brian Tyler and the stinger at the end was fun.  It's the best comic book movie so far this year.  Suck it, Superman!

Against All Odds (1984)

Director: Taylor Hackford

Starring: Rachel Ward, Jeff Bridges, James Woods, Alex Karras, Jane Greer, Richard Widmark, Dorian Harewood, Swoosie Kurtz, Saul Rubinek

More info: IMDb

Tagline: She was a beautiful fugitive. Fleeing from corruption. From power. He was a professional athlete past his prime. Hired to find her, he grew to love her. Love turned to obsession. Obsession turned to murder. And now the price of freedom might be nothing less than their lives.

Plot: Los Angeles Outlaws receiver Terry Brogan is cut from the team because of a shoulder injury. Needing work, money and a sense of purpose, Terry gets a lucrative short term job with an old acquaintance, nightclub owner Jake Wise. The job is to locate his girlfriend who is hiding out somewhere in the Mayan Riviera. The girlfriend, Jessie Wyler, just happens to be the adoptive daughter of the Outlaws' ruthless owner, Grace Wyler. Jessie doesn't much like her mother, who in turn doesn't like that Jessie's in a relationship with Jake, a man known to be on the wrong side of the law. Once Terry finds Jessie, she is waiting for him, or at least someone sent by Jake. But without telling Jake, Terry decides to quit his job as he is falling in love with Jessie, who seems also to be falling in love with him. But it isn't until they get back to Los Angeles that Terry slowly sees the big picture of where he fits into Jake's life and to what extent Jake will go to get Jessie back.

My rating: 4/10

Will I watch it again? No.

This is the first of many films I hope to bang through in my attempt to watch every single film that has a Phil Collins song.  I'm kidding.  That would signal the beginning of the end of the life of Scorethefilm.  I've got way too much pointless shit movies to watch.


Ugh.  The first half wasn't so bad and it held my interest but the second half is where the picture drives off the cliff into a nosedive into dullsville.  The romance was so hokey.  Jessie (Ward) must have been something in the sack because otherwise I can't see anyone wanting to be with her unless maybe they had a thing for broads with a British accent.  When it comes to personality she's terrible unattractive. Larry Carlton & Michel Colombier's score is mostly a bunch of noise and it sounds like they gave up on it before the audience had a chance to. For a while I thought I was watching a remake of OUT OF THE PAST (1947), a great flick I saw in a theater a long time ago, but at some point the comparisons fade and it loses what little momentum it had and goes off in a few directions.  All I could think about (besides asking the end credits to start rolling) is how I should rewatch OUT OF THE PAST.

Singin' in the Rain (1952)

Directors: Stanley Donen & Gene Kelly

Starring: Gene Kelly, Donald O'Connor, Debbie Reynolds, Jean Hagen, Millard Mitchell, Cyd Charisse, Douglas Fowley, Rita Moreno

More info: IMDb

Tagline: Singin' Swingin' Glorious Feelin' Technicolor Musical

Plot: In 1927, Don Lockwood and Lina Lamont are a famous on-screen romantic pair. Lina, however, mistakes the on-screen romance for real love. Don has worked hard to get where he is today, with his former partner Cosmo. When Don and Lina's latest film is transformed into a musical, Don has the perfect voice for the songs. But Lina - well, even with the best efforts of a diction coach, they still decide to dub over her voice. Kathy Selden is brought in, an aspiring actress, and while she is working on the movie, Don falls in love with her. Will Kathy continue to "aspire", or will she get the break she deserves?

My rating: 8/10

Will I watch it again? Yes.

I've had this DVD sitting on my shelf (still in the plastic, mind you) for years.  It was a gift from a good friend of mine.  She was stunned that I had never seen it and thought I would really dig it.  So the local cineplex, in conjunction with Fandango, had a one night only showing of this on the big screen.  I had to go because I try to see every old film on the big screen whenever possible.  I loved it.  The dancing is amazing.  These kids were so effortless.  It's funny, the songs are great and the leads are loads of fun to watch.  My friend was right but it took a few years, a few dollars and for it to end up on the big screen for me to get around to it. At least it's there in my collection for when I'm ready to see it again.  It's the Warner Bros. 2-disc set loaded with extras.  I'm going to have to check them out now.  I don't have much of an excuse any more.

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Rise of the Zombies (2012)

Director: Nick Lyon

Starring: Mariel Hemingway, Ethan Suplee, LeVar Burton, Danny Trejo, Heather Hemmens, French Stewart, Chad Lindberg, Madonna Magee, Andy Clemence, Peter Ngo, Lilan Bowden

More info: IMDb

Tagline: Their Time Has Come!

Plot: During a zombie apocalypse ,a group of survivors hide on Alcatraz Island to escape from rising zombie hordes. When their refuge is overrun, and upon hearing that a scientist may have discovered a cure, they leave the island to seek him out.

My rating: 5.5/10

Will I watch it again? No.

For as low budget and poorly acted, I wasn't bored for a minute.  Yes, the dialogue is often hideous to the point that actors that have done much better before had trouble trying not to bring themselves down, but there's a ton of zombie action.  The effects are sometimes pretty bad but there's a shitload of zombie killing.  If that's not enough, Danny Trejo's in it.  This isn't going to take home any awards but it's an easy watch with friends.  Not tits, though.  Sad times.

Spartacus (1960)

Director: Stanley Kubrick

Starring: Kirk Douglas, Laurence Olivier, Jean Simmons, Charles Laughton, Peter ustinov, Tony Curtis, John Gavin, Nina Foch, John Ireland, Herbert Lom, John Dall, Charles McGraw, Joanna Barnes, Harold J. Stone, Woody Strode

More info: IMDb

Tagline: They trained him to kill for their pleasure. . .but they trained him a little too well. . .

Plot: In 73 BCE, a Thracian slave leads a revolt at a gladiatorial school run by Lentulus Batiatus. The uprising soon spreads across the Italian Peninsula involving thousand of slaves. The plan is to acquire sufficient funds to acquire ships from Silesian pirates who could then transport them to other lands from Brandisium in the south. The Roman Senator Gracchus schemes to have Marcus Publius Glabrus, Commander of the garrison of Rome, lead an army against the slaves who are living on Vesuvius. When Glabrus is defeated his mentor, Senator and General Marcus Licinius Crassus is greatly embarrassed and leads his own army against the slaves. Spartacus and the thousands of freed slaves successfully make their way to Brandisium only to find that the Silesians have abandoned them. They then turn north and must face the might of Rome.

My rating: 10/10

Will I watch it again? Yes.

I friggin' love this movie.  Of all the Sword & Sandal pictures I've seen, this one's gotten the most play at my house by a long shot.  The cast is amazing.  What Ustinov, Laughton and Olivier could do with words.  Great stuff.  Douglas is fantastic.  One thing that strikes me is how believable Spartacus' (Douglas) relationship with Varinia (Simmons) is.  These two actors really sell being in love.  There's tons of action, lots of room to breathe and a great story.  Dalton Trumbo's screenplay is nothing short of outstanding.  The dialogue feels natural and they got the right actors to play the parts which is a big plus.  OK, everyone but except John Dall (Marcus Glabrus).  He feels out of place...but then look at who surrounds him.

This is my favorite Alex North score.  His music is so beautiful and touching; that love theme gets me.  And then he turns on the dissonance when it comes to the action scenes.  It's a very mature score and one of my all time favorites.  Twenty years ago I got to see the big 70 mm theatrical release.  At the time I had already seen the movie at least a dozen times but seeing it up there on a giant movie screen makes you feel like you're watching it for the first time.  It's a tremendous spectacle of a film yet it's able to bring you so close to one or two characters.  You don't get that kind of range from intimacy to tremendous battle scenes very often.  Even rarer is to have it handled so well and delicately.  I love you, Spartacus!

The Professionals (1966)

Director: Richard Brooks

Starring: Burt Lancaster, Lee Marvin, Robert Ryan, Woody Strode, Jack Palance, Claudia Cardinale, Ralph Bellamy, Je De Santis, Rafael Bertrand, Jorge Martinez de Hoyos, Marie Gomez, Jose Chavez, Carlos Romero, Vaughn Taylor

More info: IMDb

Tagline: It Captures The Flavor Of A Brawling Lusty Mexico!

Plot: Wealthy Texas oilman Joe Grant hires four professional soldiers to retrieve his wife Maria from a Mexican revolutionary and bandit by the name of Jesus Raza who is demanding $100,000 for her return. He promises the four men $10,000 for what amount to 9 nine days work. Two of the men, Rico Fardan and Bill Dolworth, know Raza from their own days fighting with Pancho Villa during the Mexican revolutionary war. They make their way to Raza's encampment - with a battle or two along the way - and in the end have little trouble getting hold of Maria Grant. What they learn however leads them to question just who the kidnappers are and how they should deal with their employer.

My rating: 8.5/10

Will I watch it again? Yes.

How about that great tagline?  Love it.  What a terrific cast, too.  There's enough testosterone on screen to make the cameras explode.  They would have, too, if Charles Bronson was in it.  It's a great, mature western that goes for the grit in a similar vein of Sam Peckinpah's, THE WILD BUNCH (1969) but three years earlier.

I dig all of these cats but it's Palance that shows his acting chops.  Watch in the clip above at around nine minutes in the exchange between Palance and Lancaster.  Great stuff.  The only downside for me is Maurice Jarre's irritating score.  He should have avoided this genre.  It's not his fault.  Someone had to hire him.  Listen to his score for RED SUN (1971) and you'll understand where I'm coming from.  This is one of those Westerns I'd love to see on the big screen.  It's the kind of picture I can get lost in.  It's pure adventurous escapism.

Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle (2004)

Director: Danny Leiner

Starring:  John Cho, Kal Penn, Ethan Embry, Robert Tinkler, Fred Williard, Steve Braun, Dan Bochart, Paula Garces, Mike Sheer, Christopher Thompson, David Krumholtz, Eddie Kaye Thomas, Angelo Tsarouchas, Ryan Reynolds, Neil Patrick Harris

More info: IMDb

Tagline: Fast Food. High Times.

Plot: Harold Lee and Kumar Patel are two stoners who end up getting the munchies. What they crave the most after seeing a TV advertisement, is a trip to White Castle. So from here, follows a journey for the burgers they require. On their way they will encounter many obstacles including a raccoon, a racist officer, and a horny Neil Patrick Harris.

My rating: 7/10

Will I watch it again? Maybe.  Bring the sequels.

I guess I put off watching this because it looked like yet another dumb teen-ish stoner movie. In a way it is but there's there something genuine here that makes it stand out.  I'm not saying it's got a lot of heart but some of the jokes are actually making a statement, political or otherwise.  Neil Patrick Harris is hilarious and I'm becoming a big fan of his.  The bit with Kumar and the love affair with the big bag of weed had me in stitches.  While the jokes weren't as fast and funny as I would have liked, there are enough that I'm glad to have finally watched this.  I've got the other two sitting on the shelf.  I'm really looking forward to the 3rd one in 3D.

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

The Mad Love Life of a Hot Vampire (1971)

Director: Ray Dennis Steckler

Starring: Jim Parker, Carolyn Brandt, Rock Heinrich, Will Long, Greta Smith, Fritz King, Kim Kim, Ken Moore, Sam

More info: IMDb

Plot: Count Dracula (Parker) sends three of his vampire women into the Las Vegas night to have sex with men and collect their "vile red blood". Meanwhile, Dr. Van Helsing helps his friend Bill find the cause of his sister's mysterious death, in which her blood had been drained. In the process, he and Bill discover Dracula's hide-out and chase him into the deadly rays of the sun.

My rating: 3/10

Will I watch it again? No.

OMG is this bad.  This is what happens when you have no budget, access to women who'll fuck on camera and a Las Vegas TV horror show host.  Apparently Jim Parker was a horror host on Saturday nights in Las Vegas from the mid 60s to the mid 70s.  He doesn't get naked in this no budget porn disasterpiece, thankfully.  There's not much to say about this one except it's horrendously acted and it's got one of the most boring porn scenes I've ever encountered.

I think they shot their budget on the title cards. 

Meet Dracula...

Dracula releases his hunchback on his vampire brides...

Uh, oh...who's this hot ticket?

Say, isn't that the famous Dr. Van Helsing on the right?

It is!

One of  Dracula's brides is hitching a ride as an excuse to prostitute herself for cock blood!

Seriously?  The socks?  This man's got a lock on pussy!

Do you see the plastic vampire teeth coming out?

The only way to kill a vampire is with this wooden spike.

They're clearly going for the sexy Dracula over every other type of Dracula.

Ahhhh, cock blood!

She actually says, "Dracula is grooooovy!"

Oh, no, the sun!

And this pretty much sums it up...

 Boy is this bad.  I'm sure it looks like a hoot from the pictures but once you set them in motion it's a one way ticket to Number 1 Bad Porn St., downtown Shitsville.