Tuesday, June 25, 2013

The Mad Love Life of a Hot Vampire (1971)

Director: Ray Dennis Steckler

Starring: Jim Parker, Carolyn Brandt, Rock Heinrich, Will Long, Greta Smith, Fritz King, Kim Kim, Ken Moore, Sam

More info: IMDb

Plot: Count Dracula (Parker) sends three of his vampire women into the Las Vegas night to have sex with men and collect their "vile red blood". Meanwhile, Dr. Van Helsing helps his friend Bill find the cause of his sister's mysterious death, in which her blood had been drained. In the process, he and Bill discover Dracula's hide-out and chase him into the deadly rays of the sun.

My rating: 3/10

Will I watch it again? No.

OMG is this bad.  This is what happens when you have no budget, access to women who'll fuck on camera and a Las Vegas TV horror show host.  Apparently Jim Parker was a horror host on Saturday nights in Las Vegas from the mid 60s to the mid 70s.  He doesn't get naked in this no budget porn disasterpiece, thankfully.  There's not much to say about this one except it's horrendously acted and it's got one of the most boring porn scenes I've ever encountered.

I think they shot their budget on the title cards. 

Meet Dracula...

Dracula releases his hunchback on his vampire brides...

Uh, oh...who's this hot ticket?

Say, isn't that the famous Dr. Van Helsing on the right?

It is!

One of  Dracula's brides is hitching a ride as an excuse to prostitute herself for cock blood!

Seriously?  The socks?  This man's got a lock on pussy!

Do you see the plastic vampire teeth coming out?

The only way to kill a vampire is with this wooden spike.

They're clearly going for the sexy Dracula over every other type of Dracula.

Ahhhh, cock blood!

She actually says, "Dracula is grooooovy!"

Oh, no, the sun!

And this pretty much sums it up...

 Boy is this bad.  I'm sure it looks like a hoot from the pictures but once you set them in motion it's a one way ticket to Number 1 Bad Porn St., downtown Shitsville.

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