Thursday, August 18, 2011

Project: Badass Charles Bronson

Charles Bronson is more than a badass actor. He's one of the most manly men who ever walked (or will walk) the planet. Don't believe me? Just watch one of his movies and tell me that, after watching it, 1) Bronson couldln't easily kick your (and everyone else's) ass, 2) your girlfriend, wife, sister, daughter would drop everything, specifically clothing, and leave her man (or woman) for Bronson in a heartbeat, 3) if Bronson had sex with you (I'm looking you fellas out there), you'd take it...and like it. If for no other reason, you'd be the envy of everyone AND you'd be able to drop this into any conversation that mentions his name, "Charles Bronson? I fucked him!", or rather "He fucked me!". No one would call you gay, either. They'd just gaze upon you in awe and reach out to touch you. That's how manly and powerful Charles Bronson is.


How manly? Check out the following Japanese commercial Bronson did. It's super gay but Bronson comes out smelling like a rose...or perhaps it's the rose come out smelling like Charles Bronson!



That said, it's time that I visit (and revisit) Bronson's entire movie catalog (82 theatrical films) over the coming year or so. From the small, walk-on bit parts to the manliest badass roles that only he could do (or perhaps other manly-ass mother fuckers like Lee Marvin or Robert Shaw). Let the badassery begin!

01) REVIEW - TRAILER - You're in the Navy Now (1951)
02) REVIEW - TRAILER - The People Against O'Hara (1951)
03) REVIEW - TRAILER - The Mob (1951)
04) REVIEW - TRAILER - Red Skies of Montana (1952)
05) REVIEW - TRAILER - The Marrying Kind (1952)
06) REVIEW - TRAILER - My Six Convicts (1952)
07) REVIEW - TRAILER - Pat and Mike (1952)
08) REVIEW - TRAILER - Diplomatic Courier (1952)
09) REVIEW - TRAILER - Battle Zone (1952) 
10) REVIEW - TRAILER - Bloodhounds of Broadway (1952)
11) REVIEW - TRAILER - Torpedo Alley (1952)
12) REVIEW - TRAILER - The Clown (1953)
13) REVIEW - TRAILER - Off Limits (1953)
14) REVIEW - TRAILER - House of Wax (1953)
15) REVIEW - TRAILER - Miss Sadie Thompson (1953)
16) REVIEW - TRAILER - Crime Wave (1954)
17) REVIEW - TRAILER - Tennessee Champ (1954)
18) REVIEW - TRAILER - Riding Shotgun (1954)
19) REVIEW - TRAILER - Apache (1954)
20) REVIEW - TRAILER - Drum Beat (1954)
21) REVIEW - TRAILER - Vera Cruz (1954)
22) REVIEW - TRAILER - Big House, U.S.A. (1955)
23) REVIEW - TRAILER - Target Zero (1955)
24) REVIEW - TRAILER - Jubal (1956)
25) REVIEW - TRAILER - Run of the Arrow (1957)
26) REVIEW - TRAILER - Showdown at Boot Hill (1958)
27) REVIEW - TRAILER - Machine-Gun Kelly (1958)
28) REVIEW - TRAILER - Gang War (1958)
29) REVIEW - TRAILER - When Hell Broke Loose (1958)
30) REVIEW - TRAILER - Never So Few (1959)
31) REVIEW - TRAILER - The Magnificent Seven (1960)
32) REVIEW - TRAILER - Master of the World (1961)
33) REVIEW - TRAILER - A Thunder of Drums (1961)
34) REVIEW - TRAILER - X-15 (1961)
35) REVIEW - TRAILER - Kid Galahad (1962)
36) REVIEW - TRAILER - The Great Escape (1963)
37) REVIEW - TRAILER - 4 for Texas (1963)
38) REVIEW - TRAILER - Guns of Diablo (1965)
39) REVIEW - TRAILER - The Sandpiper (1965)
40) REVIEW - TRAILER - Battle of the Bulge (1965)
41) REVIEW - TRAILER - This Property Is Condemned (1966)
42) REVIEW - TRAILER - The Dirty Dozen (1967)
43) REVIEW - TRAILER - Guns for San Sebastian (1968)
44) REVIEW - TRAILER - Villa Rides (1968)
45) REVIEW - TRAILER - Farewell, Friend (1968)
46) REVIEW - TRAILER - Once Upon a Time in the West (1968)
47) REVIEW - TRAILER - Lola (1970)
48) REVIEW - TRAILER - Rider on the Rain (1970)
49) REVIEW - TRAILER - You Can't Win 'Em All (1970)
50) REVIEW - TRAILER - The Family (1970)
51) REVIEW - TRAILER - Cold Sweat (1970)
52) REVIEW - TRAILER - Someone Behind the Door (1971)
53) REVIEW - TRAILER - Red Sun (1971)
54) REVIEW - TRAILER - The Valachi Papers (1972)
55) REVIEW - TRAILER - Chato's Land (1972)
56) REVIEW - TRAILER - The Mechanic (1972)
57) REVIEW - TRAILER - The Stone Killer (1973)
58) REVIEW - TRAILER - Chino (1973)
59) REVIEW - TRAILER - Mr. Majestyk (1974)
60) REVIEW - TRAILER - Death Wish (1974)
61) REVIEW - TRAILER - Breakout (1975)
62) REVIEW - TRAILER - Hard Times (1975)
63) REVIEW - TRAILER - Breakheart Pass (1975)
64) REVIEW - TRAILER - St. Ives (1976)
65) REVIEW - TRAILER - From Noon Till Three (1976)
66) REVIEW - TRAILER - The White Buffalo (1977)
67) REVIEW - TRAILER - Telefon (1977)
68) REVIEW - TRAILER - Love and Bullets (1979)
69) REVIEW - TRAILER - Cabo Blanco (1980)
70) REVIEW - TRAILER - Borderline (1980)
71) REVIEW - TRAILER - Death Hunt (1981)
72) REVIEW - TRAILER - Death Wish II (1982)
73) REVIEW - TRAILER - 10 to Midnight (1983)
74) REVIEW - TRAILER - The Evil That Men Do (1984)
75) REVIEW - TRAILER - Death Wish 3 (1985)
76) REVIEW - TRAILER - Murphy's Law (1986)
77) REVIEW - TRAILER - Assassination (1987)
78) REVIEW - TRAILER - Death Wish 4: The Crackdown (1987)
79) REVIEW - TRAILER - Messenger of Death (1988)
80) REVIEW - TRAILER - Kinjite: Forbidden Subjects (1989)
81) REVIEW - TRAILER - The Indian Runner (1991)
82) REVIEW - TRAILER - Death Wish V: The Face of Death (1994)

2 comments:

  1. If you were having a conversation about knowing Charles Bronson in the biblical sense, you wouldn't say "Yeah, I fucked him!", you'd say "HELL YEAH, HE FUCKED *ME*". And everyone would gaze at you in jealous wonder that Charles Bronson bestowed upon you a visit in your extremities.

    Erica

    ReplyDelete
  2. You're right. Bronson is so manly, there's no way anyone would fuck him - he's the one doing the fucking. Point taken and updated.

    ReplyDelete