The Mysterious Monsters (1976)

Director: Robert Guenette

Starring: Peter Graves and a shitload of nutters

More info: IMDB

Tagline: PROOF! There are giant creatures living at the edge of our civilisation.

Plot: One of the many notorious 70's "unknown" documentaries, The Mysterious Monsters covers topics such as Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster. Pictures, sounds, and videos of these two monsters are examined by Peter Graves, the host. Psychics, hypnotism, and the history of Bigfoot in many ancient cultures is also scrutinized.

My rating: 5/10

Will I watch it again? I doubt it.

#33 on Dusk to Dawn Drive-In Trash-o-Rama Show Vol. 1 (part of the TRAILER TRASH PROJECT)

Scrutinized MY ASS!


"The motion picture you are about to see was filmed by many teams of cameramen in more than a hundred locations around the globe. Scientists, representing the world's foremost research centers took part in the examination of the evidence. The FACTS that will be presented are true! This may be the most startling film you will ever see!"

But wait! There's more!


"The Pacific Northwest, 1975. Here in this forest, investigators have discovered a set of very strange footprints - human-like footprints, about 18 inches long and 7 inches wide - footprints of a giant. A mysterious creature has been roaming this wilderness, a creature that confounded scientists, baffled investigators and captured the imagination of millions of people. We've all heard of the reported sightings of this creature, a creature most of us know as Bigfoot."..."...well I WAS skeptical and I was also tantalized by what I heard, so I decided to find out for myself whether Bigfoot was fact or fiction. I did this by going out to talk to the eyewitnesses, questioning scientists, by examining the footprints, by looking at and listening to all of the available evidence."

Yeah, Peter Graves has all of the qualifications of examining evidence and determining if people's stories have an ounce of truth to them and knowing...ah fuck it. This is a bunch of horseshit and the only thing that makes this fun is Peter Graves making a complete ass out of himself and the "evidence" they present.


Here's Peter Graves, the scientist, examining some evidence...


Here's their logic at work with the "evidence". A team uses sonar and underwater cameras to capture images in the Loch Ness.

"The photographs are close-ups of dramatic pictures of a fin about 8 feet long and 4 feet wide."

"The fin of the Loch Ness monster. Now that we know that it's there...what is it?"

Are you fucking kidding me? You just made the assumption that it was a fin (of course it couldn't possibly be anything else...you did consider it to be other things besides the LNM, didn't you?) and that means that it must belong to the LNM. WOW! I'm beside myself. I'm so glad you people don't work in law enforcement or the military.


OK, I'm going to wrap this up or this could take all night. There's a scene where Graves is "interviewing" a scientist who has all the reasons why there is probably not a Bigfoot. Graves isn't going to drink the Koolaid this guy's servin', no siree Bob! So he goes to an anthropologist who agrees with Graves.

"Dr. Bradley, it's been suggested by some people that the Bigfoot creatures bury their dead."

"That's remotely possible. If Bigfoot is as some think, a humanoid - a species of animal that's more man-like than beast."

"But it IS possible?"

"Yes, but it's a proposition completely rejected by my colleagues. [laughs] But then my colleagues completely reject the possibility of Bigfoot!"

OK, one more piece of utter shit. Graves takes a plaster cast of an alleged Bigfoot footprint, hidden in a wooden box, to a psychic!!!!


The psychic then gets all weird and draws the vibes he's getting from what's inside the box. Now mind you, he doesn't know what's in the box.


HOW THE FUCK DO YOU GET ANYTHING FROM A PLASTER CAST OF A GODDAMNED FOOTPRINT??? AHHHHHHH!!!!

I can't do this anymore. I'm out.