Director: Robert Rodriguez & Ethan Maniquis
Starring: Danny Trejo, Robert De Niro, Jessica Alba, Steven Segal, Michelle Rodriguez, Jaff Fahey, Cheech Marin, Lindsay Lohan, Tom Savini and introducing Don Johnson
More info: IMDB
Tagline: They just fucked with the wrong Mexican!
Plot: The highly skilled Federale Machete is hired by some unsavory types to assassinate a senator. But just as he's about to take the shot, he notices someone aiming at him and realizes he's been set up. He barely survives the sniper's bullet, and is soon out for revenge on his former employers, with the reluctant assistance of his old friend Cheech Marin, who has become a priest and taken a vow of nonviolence. If you hire him to take out the bad guys, make sure the bad guys aren't you!
My rating: 8.5/10
Will I watch it again? Fuckin', HELLS YEAH!!!
Robert Rodriguez...I LOVE YOU! Thank you soooooo much for this love letter to 70s kick ass action flicks. It not only feels like one but it looks like one, too. The opening pre-credit sequence is scratchy and dirty just like in GRINDHOUSE (2007). Not that it matters much but once the credits roll the worn look disappears but it still looks like a 70s print but cleaned up.
This movie is loaded with gore and nudity. TONS of fantastic kills that will leave you squirming or laughing hysterically. And the tits? There's a bunch and they're all hot. Remember how Jessica Alba said she'd never do a nude scene? Full on, head to toe from the side. Lindsay Lohan? Half her screen time is nude, well sorta, you'll see. There is a body double for the pool scene, though. Michelle Rodriguez? Sadly, no, but she's still smokin' hot. Slender Latin broads are HOT!
Danny Trejo has, and always will be, THE MAN! He's 5'7" of 65-year-old badassicity! I'm so happy that he's finally starring in his own movie. He's terrific. He gets the women and it's hilarious. Every time he does the music goes into porn mode. Goddamn I laughed my ass off each and every time it happens. It's goofy shit like that that makes this one of the best pictures I've seen this year.
Everybody else is fantastic, too. Segal plays a much bigger role than I had anticipated and I'd say more but the less you know the better. Fahey is awesome, De Niro is having a ball, and this new guy, Don Johnson in his first role, hams it up as a nasty. Whoever this Don Johnson guy is, I don't know where he came from but, he's going places I bet. This role will likely get him more work.
All around, this is one helluva fun ride and it doesn't let up. The only issue I've ever had with RR is his movies tend to lose steam around the 2/3 mark. PLANER TERROR (2007) didn't, though, and neither does this one. I would dare say that this could be his most enjoyable film, maybe not his best but probably the most fun. I cannot recommend this film highly enough. If you love having fun at the movies, this is for you. It's THE thrill ride of the year. INCEPTION (2010) was fantastic but for sheer action, laughs and excitement, MACHETE won't be beaten!
Just before the end credits roll there's a teaser for two sequels, MACHETE KILLS and MACHETE KILLS AGAIN! I sincerely hope this movie does well and these aren't just teasers. There are so many places this character, and the others, can go and I need to see these movies. PLEASE SUPPORT THIS AND GO TO THE THEATER NOW TO SEE IT. You will NOT be disappointed. I promise.
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