Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Alice in Wonderland (2010)

Director: Tim Burton

Starring: Johnny Depp, Mia Wasikowska, Helena Bonham Carter, Anne Hathaway, Cripsin Glover, Matt Lucas, Michael Sheen, Stephen Fry, Alan Rickman

More info: IMDb

Tagline: You're invited to a very important date 3/5/10

Plot: 19-year-old Alice returns to the magical world from her childhood adventure, where she reunites with her old friends and learns of her true destiny: to end the Red Queen's reign of terror.

My rating: 5/10

Will I watch it again? Absolutely not.

Yawn. Walking out of the theater, that was my reaction. I wondered why they bothered to make it. Oh, yeah, money. I used to be a big Tim Burton supporter. The last movie of his that I got excited about was MARS ATTACKS. That was quite a number of years ago. His PLANET OF THE APES is inexcusable and is an insult to the original and to his own back catalog. What happened, dude?

The post production 3D was absolute shit. This picture was a learning experience for me. I will not see another post production 3D flick again. It's a cash grab and nothing more. It's shameless and downright deceitful.

Johnny Depp is getting tiresome with the "quirky" characters. He was OK in this but for fuck's sake. Do something new for a change. Someone needs to issue a court order to keep him and Burton separated for at least a dozen years. I'm over it. And that stupid as fuck dance at the end? That just angered me. I was incensed and insulted. Oh, and there were a couple of times where Depp stepped out of character and channeled Jack Sparrow from the PotC films. Awful. Simply awful.

I like what HBC did with the Queen. That was fun. And Mia W. did quite well with Alice. Her only moment I had issue with her character was when she caught her brother-in-law smooching on someone that wasn't her sister at the beginning of the film and does nothing about it until the end where she just walks up to him and tells him to behave himself or she'll rat him out. Excuse me? Tell your sister she's married to a cad and let her handle it. I don't know, the way it was handled was just forced and it had that cliched stupid Hollywood touch that just rubs me raw.

Dredging up these memories to write this post is rubbing me raw...mmmmmmm...rubbing me raw...mmmmmmmm. Say, that reminds me. I should probably add the 1970s XXX film, ALICE IN WONDERLAND (1976), to my pile of movies to watch. As dumb as that movie probably is, I have a feeling it has a possibility of being more entertaining than Tim Burton's version. At least there won't be a dumbass dance routine at the end...maybe just a dumbass orgy.

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