The Vampires' Night Orgy (1973)

Director: Leon Klimovsky

Starring: Spaniards

More Info: IMDB

Plot: When their driver has a heart attack, the passengers of a tour bus find themselves stranded in an isolated Spanish village. After several mysterious incidents, the group begins to realize that the residents are vampires, thirsty for their next meal. As the bloodsucking fiends, led by the beautiful vampire Countess (Helga Liné), claim more victims, the survivors plan a desperate last stand

My Rating: 5.5/10

Would I watch it again? Nope. Not without a massive dose of titties and blood...you know...the shit you'd expect from a movie called THE FUCKING VAMPIRE'S NIGHT ORGY!!!!

#68 on Dusk to Dawn Drive-In Trash-o-Rama Show Vol. 1 (part of the TRAILER TRASH PROJECT)

I'm calling shananigans! Please read the title out loud three times...I'll wait. This isn't some trumped-up English title made to sell the film. No. It's the literal translation of the original Spanish title!

Are there vampires? Well, yes, but we only see one with teeth. The Countess!



Is there an orgy? No. The townspeople who are supposedly vampires do go somewhere at night but we don't know where. Maybe they're at the orgy. The film crew should have been there as well.

Was there night? Yeah. Most of the film takes place at night but that doesn't make it right.

I know what you're thinking, though. "I mean, hey! It's a Euro horror movie from 1972 so there must be some great nudity and Euro bush, right?" Here you go. Soak it up 'cause this is all there is...


Stare at that for 7 seconds and you've seen all this picture has to offer.

Now I'm not sayin' TVNO is a bad film. It's not; it's just not a particularly interesting or a good film. But for fuck's sake! If you're going to make a movie, PLEASE spice it up with some tits and blood so you at least look like you're trying to live up to your title! It's not THAT much to ask.

OK, enough bitching. This movie does have its moments like where the travelers are asked to stay another couple of nights as the Countess's guests. The local vampires need to feed them something besides vegetables so this is how they handle it...

"I'm here on behalf of the Countess."

"Now what good is that rotten leg to ya, huh?"

Fucking classic! There's a few little bits like that that keep it from being a snoozefest.

You could do a lot worse than this but it's like the old joke...it ain't half bad...but it ain't half good, either.