The Expendables (2010)

Director: Sylvester Stallone

Starring: Testosterone! Just go to the IMDB page and see the huge-ass list

More info: IMDB

Tagline: Choose your weapon.

Plot: A team of mercenaries head to South America on a mission to overthrow a dictator.

My rating: 6.5/10

Will I watch it again? Yeah, but there's not going to be a DVD purchase on this one.


It pains me that I feel disappointed. I REALLY wanted to like this. It seemed like you just couldn't lose with a tried and true plot with the manliest cast since...since...since anything with Charles Bronson in it. After Stallone's home runs with ROCKY BALBOA (2006) and then RAMBO (2008) (which had so much testosterone in it you had a 82% chance of getting testicular cancer before the film ended) that expectations were high when this was announced and the casting began.

I liked it but it could have been so much more. I have no issue with the cast...it's the writing. So much about the movie worked but the writing. The actors did a fine job, mostly, with what they had. The bad guys were caricatures (I understand that's what they were going for but they could have given them a little something more - now that I'm thinking about it, the actors could have done something better with the material), much of the story focused on just two of the good guys for about an hour (Stallone and Statham) and so many of the one liners fell flat, leaving me to wonder if these guys had forgotten that important part of their film career and on screen persona.


I realize this is a throwback to the action films of the 80s but with so many great personalities I would have liked to have spent time with more of them. Everyone was awesome - the standouts for me were Dolph and Randy Couture. I had never seen Couture in anything until this and now I'm hoping he'll start getting more roles. He was great with what little he had to do.

Mickey Rourke was fantastic as well. He's got a monologue that convinces Stallone to do what he knows he has to do and, man, can this guy act. I'm not saying there's a seat next to Olivier or Brando but, for a guy who looks like a meathead, he's terrific. I'm thinking I'm going to have to push THE WRESTLER closer to the top of films to see soon.

The action is great although I really wished that it hadn't been edited so frenetically. I expected more from Stallone having been an action star back when the camera didn't shake so much and you could really see a lot of what's going on. It's a shame this style is in vogue now because the actors and stuntmen/women spend weeks and weeks preparing and filming these elaborate fight scenes and you aren't allowed to see more than a half second at a time.

The last half hour is one big orgasm of fire. The explosions are so big I almost felt the heat, only to discover I was sitting on my hand. Oh, and Stallone looks fucking amazing AT THE FUCKING AGE OF 64!!!!!! There's hope for all of us.


I'm sure that we'll see a sequel as it topped the box office for two weeks in a row. This could be a franchise with a rotation of tough guys in every flick if treated just right. While it's not really set up for a sequel, everyone meets up in the end with smiles on their faces so after a fortnight of drinking and spreading their manliness around, devastating women and gay guys everywhere, they'll be ready for another adventure...and so will I.