Evil Keg (2007)

Director: Allen Wilbanks

Starring: People living in and around Atlanta

More info: IMDb

Tagline: It's Killer Time

Plot: Marcus Colby's family brewery, Col-Brew Brewing, is knee deep in financial trouble when Beer Mistress Vivian develops a revolutionary zero calorie beer. Unfortunately her late night experiments reveals a slight side effect; any one who drinks it turns into a flesh eating freak. When Marcus finds out about the bad beer he immediately sends Vivian home. The sexy evil beer mistress decides to get even and uses her invention for evil and world domination. She seizes Marcus' brewery and cooks up enough libations to infect the entire town. It's up to Marcus to save the family business, the townspeople, the love of his life, his father and the world.

My rating: 3/10

Will I watch it again? If I do, it's only because a friend of mine is in it.

I could add a couple of points to the score simply because it's an accomplishment just to make a movie, let alone one that lasts an hour and a half. BUT I can't do that because then you have to watch that hour and a half long movie. The problem with nearly all first or almost first-time no budget movies is they rarely have coverage shots, the pacing is too slow, there's not enough editing (which goes back to the lack of coverage) and scenes either run too long or shouldn't be there in the first place. I'll cut to the chase. Here's the best part of the movie...

IMAGE OF STRANGELY ATTRACTIVE (in that Sandra Bernhard kind of way)
TOPLESS WOMAN
REMOVED BY REQUEST OF THE DIRECTOR, THE MAN WHO
WAS ABLE TO COAX THAT TOP OFF IN THE FIRST PLACE.

If a buddy of mine hadn't had a bit part in it (he's in the party scene where everyone turns into zombies...as if you're going to watch it now) which prompted us to watch it. Too bad he's barely in it 'cause it probably would have helped the picture if he had a bigger role. I'll give Wilbanks points for trying but that's about it except for the one scene of lovely nudity. Movies don't have to be 90 minutes long. It's OK to make one that's half that. I swear that when the day comes and I make a movie, my top priority will always be to make it fun to watch. No matter what I do I will always have that one principal in mind. At every turn I'll ask myself, "Would I want to see this? Is this entertaining?" and if the answer is "no" then I'm scrappin' it. Now if I could only find a camera and some girls willing to get naked...