Saturday, July 13, 2013

Affair in the Air (1970)

Director: Phineas T. Kum-Quat

Starring: Bambi Allen, Uschi Digard, Sandy Carey, Dick Burns, Norman Fields, Richard Smedley, John Barnum

More info: IMDb

Plot:  It's a softcore porn.  There is no plot.  OK, here's your plot - there's an airplane.  Happy?

My rating: 4/10

Will I watch it again? No.

#9 on the Uschi Digard Needs to Have My Babies Project

This hour-long softcore porn has little to offer except for the gorgeous Uschi Digard, a woman who needs to have my babies.

She (above left) and the other stewardess have only two customers to serve on this flight plus the two pilots.  Every once in a while the two pilots Riley Hump (Fields) and Dick O'Toole (Smedley) spend and extraordinary amount of time talking about not much of anything.  Sometimes it's even pretty damn funny.  You get the impression they're incredibly incompetent and fight like an old married couple. What few laughs are found in the cockpit.

 Ahhhhh, remember when it was OK to smoke on an airplane?

Justin Tyme (Burns) services the other passenger Holly Woods (Carey) in their seat.

  Ahhhhh, remember when it was OK to fuck on an airplane?

Man, I wish I could get that much leg room (or should I say head room) on a plane!

Then Vespray (Uschi) takes care of Holly.

That's the end of Uschi in this 58 minute flick.  See, Dick is flying to Georgia to search for a location for a whorehouse franchise he's starting.  I can't remember why Holly's flying. Once the plane lands (and almost crashes because the pilots forgot how to land) Holly ends up banging two guys who are trying to get the whorehouse franchise off the ground.

Can you tell how exciting this picture is?  I guess it would have helped had this been hardcore but not by much.  Seeing Uschi is the highlight and the pilots are occasionally funny but that's it.  Proceed with caution.

There is no god.

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