Sunday, September 4, 2011

Panorama Blue (1974)

Director: Alan Roberts

Starring: Too many no-names to mention

More info: IMDb

Tagline: Puts You In The Act!

Plot: Porn on the REALLY big screen, filmed in Panavision! Lots of segments, some sexy, others funny. Wait, there is no plot.

My rating: 3/10

Will I watch it again? Hells, no.

#15 on 42nd Street Forever Vol. 1 (part of the TRAILER TRASH PROJECT)

I'm just watching this shit because I'm committed to watching every movie on these trailer compillations. Sometimes I hate my life. This is nothing more than a series of shit thrown at the screen to see what sticks. Here's the layout, so to speak.

1) A brief history of the birth of cinematic porn from the teens to the 50s. OK, so get on with it.

2) The opening credits that LAST NINE (9) FUCKING MINUTES LONG with one of the lamest songs EVER (in the vein of a horrible TV show about a luxury cruise ship). Seriously, credits roll for 9 minutes and that gay-ass song doesn't stop!

3) Indy 69 - It's race car driving but there's a woman in the passenger seat. Over the course of 69 laps, she also has the task of getting her driver off. Mildly amusing but it goes on far too long.

4) Centerfold Girl - Yawn. A centerfold comes to life and starts fucking a dude, another woman joins them and then another man. It's strictly a sex scene that seems tame (a cut version, perhaps?) but there's a horribly annoying voice over of the centerfold girl. She's trying to sound sexy but it's guaranteed to kill any erection.

5) Symphony of Love - This is the only segment worth watching. It's actually pretty damn funny considering they hired a real orchestra to play while these two are fucking. That must have given the musicians a few stories. Like the rest of the segments, it goes on far too long.

6) Strip Club - Wow. Haven't seen footage of a stripper doing her thing at a titty bar before. If not, here's your chance. Lame.

7) The Adult Book Store - This one's about 6 ways of retarded. While a somewhat clever spoof of "Anything Goes" is sung, the camera pans over lots and lots of girlie mags. The only thing amusing about this (besides the this-has-gone-on-long-enough annoying song) are the titles of the magazines. That reminds me; I need to renew my subscriptions of Bottoms Up and Nipple Fancy.

8) The Hollywood Party - Here's the dumbest bit of the lot. Cameras invade a Hollywood party where people start having sex to spice up the viewer's boredom. It's 15 minutes of eye-gauging hell.

9) Roller Coaster - FINALLY we get to the end. What's this? Another one joke gag? I'll cut them some slack. It's funny but only for the first few seconds. I'm sure this played much better on the big screen.

The problem with this flick is that most everything is done for laughs but they drag out ever segment waaaaaaaay too long, killing any potential for for a laugh. I'm speechless. I have nothing else to say. Abandon ship!


  1. Are you an idiot? Where else can you see a film of people have sex, naked, on a roller coaster? This isn't special effects, they were having sex going up and down on that roller coaster!! I know because I was there, I'm the girl in the roller coaster ride!!

    1. Idiot? Sometimes. It must've been neat, though, being the focal point in the trailer. If you had been on an actual roller coaster (instead of using rear projection), THAT would have been something to behold.

  2. i just bought this movie on vhs had to pay 75 dollars it will probably be out on blu ray soon

  3. movie was awesome loved it especially the roller coaster scene