Saturday, September 3, 2011

Hard Candy (1976)

Director: Stephen Gibson

Starring: Con Convert, William Margold, Lee O'Donnell, Brenda Ram, Tyler Reynolds, John Seeman, John Holmes

More info: IMDb

Tagline: Super Explicit in 3-D

Plot: A mad scientist struggles to score with the girl of his dreams while thwarted by video freaks, gladiators, aliens from space, a pink bunny and the girl next door.

My rating: 2/10

Will I watch it again? Go fuck yourself.

#13 on 42nd Street Forever Vol. 1 (part of the TRAILER TRASH PROJECT)

This is about the most god damned retarded thing I've ever had to endure. It's in 3-D but it's not effective. Maybe in optimum conditions in a theater with someone who knows how to calibrate the projector it might have worked but not on this widescreen copy I "saw". There's a weak ass story thread loaded with a bunch of shit that doesn't make a damn bit of sense. This is about stupid and there ain't no abouts about it. No matter how you slice this annoying dreck, it stinks on ice. There's not a single joke that works. It's just the opposite. It constantly pissed me off and just made me more and more angry. Can it get worse? You betcha. It was filmed as a XXX 3D movie but this print excised all of that down to 'R' rated levels of dumbassery. The ONLY thing I can think of that would have been a draw to unsuspecting suckers, I mean theater goers, in 1976 would have been the all too brief sex scene with John Holmes. Having that cock leap out of the screen and dangle inches from your face in 3-D had to be what it would take.


  1. Even without your blog, the trailer makes the movie look extremely bad.
    When I read the title "Hard Candy", I immediately thought of a more recent movie (2005)which is much better
    tag line "strangers shouldn't talk to little girls"
    After three weeks of chatting with the thirty-two year old photographer Jeff Kohlver over the Internet, fourteen year old Hayley Stark meets him in the Nighthawks coffee shop. Hayley flirts with him in spite of the age difference and proposes to go to his house. Once there, she prepares a screwdriver for them and Jeff passes out. When he awakes, he is tied up to a chair, and Hayley accuses him of pedophilia. Jeff denies the accusation, and Hayley begins to torture him in a cat and mouse game.

  2. That 2005 flick has been on my radar to see for a few years. I've heard it's fantastic.