Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Roller Blade (1986)

Director: Donald G. Jackson

Starring: Suzanne Solari, Jeff Hutchinson, Shaun Michelle, Katina Garner, Sam Mann, Robby Taylor, Christopher Douglas-Olen Ray, Erin Michael, Michael Cofield, Pat McClung

More info: IMDb

Tagline: Skate or die!

Plot: The city of Lost Angels...the Second Dark Age.  From the rubble of the failed industrial world comes a mystical cult of sensuous she-warriors.  Risen from the ruins of dead technology, they embark on a savage quest to defeat the evil army of a demonic warlord.  Their mission: to save his helpless victims from fiendish torture and torment. This is the dawn of the age of ROLLER BLADE.  Wielding their mythic weapons of martial arts and psychic healing power, this sisterhood of curvaceous crusaders battles to rebuild a battered land.  In this realm of blood and lust, automobiles are rusting hulks and roller skates are the only escape from ruthless ravagers.  Witness the clash of two forces in a cataclysmic duel that explodes in an exciting climax of raw power and passion.  Experience the ultimate futuristic fantasy adventure on wheels.

My rating: 5/10

Will I watch it again? No.

Part of the Nunsploitation Project (July & August 2013). Click here for more naughty nun insanity! 

From the director that also brought you THE ROLLER BLADE SEVEN (1991), RETURN OF THE ROLLER BLADE SEVEN (1992), LEGEND OF THE ROLLER BLADE SEVEN (1992) and ROLLERGATOR (1996) comes a sci-fi, action film called...

Should someone be concerned that Jackson's got a thing for skates?

Oh, yeah!

The first few minutes of low budget cheese will have you riveted.  After that, it's all downhill. 

I love it.  She wears skates in a wheelchair.

Thankfully, we get some nudity (it helps) and there's some action but it's not going to change minds in the hearts of men or something silly like that.  It's surprising that Jackson could sustain nearly 90 minutes with, well, what he sustained it with.

I hope I don't come across sounding harsh about it.  It's interesting to watch some 80s flashback cheese.  Where else can you get boobs and rollerskating on such a level as this?

So, is it Nunsploitation?  Yes and no.  I'm going to put it into the 'HONORABLE MENTIONS' section because they are self-professed nuns and there is some exploitation going on but they aren't Catholic nuns which I think is an important distinction.  ROLLER BLADE is OK.  Lower your expectations and you'll have a good time.  I almost did.  I am curious about ROLLERGATOR, though.

1 comment:

  1. After reading this review I was fascinated by both this film and the other Roller Blade films. I would have bought them, but they're way too expensive for me, silly prices in the hundreds. If I can't find them online I'll have to patiently watch Ebay for offers :)