Plot: Queen fucks guards. Snow White fucks 7 dwarfs. The Prince fucks a potential wife and a peasant girl. Dwarfs kill Queen. The Prince fucks Snow White. Everyone lives happily ever after except for me.
My rating: 2/10
Will I watch it again? Kill me.
Read the plot over and over for the next two hours and you'll not come close to the horrors of this abomination. It's almost one of those slack-jawed "I can't believe what I'm seeing" things. I'm going to blame Tim Burton on how I came to see this. He made me watch the XXX rated ALICE IN WONDERLAND: AN X-RATED MUSICAL FANTASY (1976) and this seemed the next logical place to go. Woof. Wrong!
You're going to laugh at me but it wasn't the bad, repetitive boring fucking that got to me. It wasn't the "Snow White is actually enjoying the tandem dwarf dick". It wasn't the thin thread of plot. Not even the two hour length.
No. It was the music that offended me the most. It's a synth riff on Carl Orff's Carmina Burana. Dah dah duh duh. Dah dah duh duh. Dah dah duh duuuuuh daaaaah duh daaaaaaaaah. Over and over and over again. It opens the picture and plays all during any of the Queen's fuck sessions. It only lets up when they cut to SW and her scenes but it's back as soon as we see the Queen again. This goes on every five minutes or so FOR TWO FUCKING HOURS! It's criminal what I had to endure. It's the kind of thing that'll turn you off of porn...well, at least for the rest of the day.
Overall and final thoughts: For my second time here, it's been fantastic. The people were friendly, the 1,800+ volunteers were amazing, the weather was fantastic (sunny skies and barely a breeze the entire time I was there) and the movies were even better than last year. There wasn't a stinker in any of the 12 films I saw (less than half of what I caught last year) and the last film of the last day (for me) was the best. I really hope some of these make it out to the public in the coming months. They need to be seen and several of them are screaming me to come back. It's been one hell of a great film ride this year. Bring on 2015!
1 Million Page Views = Let's celebrate Nunsploitation!!!
I'm shocked. This blog has just hit 1 million page views since it began in October, 2007. I started this thing with the intention of simply keeping a written record of everything that I watch from that day forward. I had no idea that anyone would actually read it. I'm sure most of the visits were unintentional, people ending up here by mistake looking for Romaine lettuce porn or something less important like solutions for world peace.
To celebrate, I'm going to force myself to watch every Nunsploitation movie I can get my hands on for the months of July and August, much like I did a couple of years ago with another sleazy sub-genre of film, Nazisploitation.
CLICK HERE to go to the Nunsploitation project page. Prepare for oodles of nun boobs, nun sex, nun lesbian action, killer nuns, nuns on drugs and seeing nuns in their natural habit-at. Ahahahahahahaha. Seriously, there will be lots of naked nun action that you won't want to miss!
Over 2,300 movies watched and reviewd since October 1, 2007