Monday, January 1, 2018

Cinderella (1977)

Director: Michael Pataki

Writer: Frank Ray Perilli

Composer: Andrew Belling

Starring: Cheryl Smith, Yana Nirvana, Marilyn Corwin, Jennifer Doyle, Sy Richardson, Brett Smiley, Kirk Scott, Boris Moris, Pamela Stonebrook

More info: IMDb

Tagline: An ADULT Fairy Tale With Buttons Undone...

Plot: An adaptation of the fairy tale, Cinderella traces the misadventures of our heroine, who, via the help of her "fairy" (i.e. gay) godmother, is granted heightened sexual prowess to win over Prince Charming. After a blindfolded orgy at the royal castle, the nerdy Prince must sleep with every willing woman in his kingdom until he finds that one, mysterious lover who so "stood out" on the night of the sex Ball.

My rating: 5.5/10

Will I watch it again?  No.

In a move that almost shook the movie industry to its absolute core, Charles Band Productions beat the Walt Disney Studio to making an adult version of this classic tale.  Walt himself was disappointed that he didn't get around to making this all the way up to his death in the mid-sixties.  You snooze, you lose.  Besides, Cinderella was always missing that certain something.  Let's see...what was it...ah, yes!  Bibbidi-Bobbidi-BOOBS!

This picture's got them a-plenty, too.  I hate to say it but the movie's just OK.  The songs aren't bad but there was only one that I kind of liked.  The lyrics, like the film, are trying to be funny but only at a most basic level.  The humor is the kind that small children would dig except this clearly isn't for them.  The jokes are obvious and weak and you can see them coming a mile away.  In actual measurement that would be akin to seeing them from 42 boobs away and we're talkin' C to D cups here so that's a good distance.  You might laugh once or twice but that's not why you'd want to see this. 

The women are attractive and naked a lot.  OK, OK, I know what you're thinking, "Yeah, but how's the acting?".  It's what you'd expect but so much of the cast is over acting it's hard to tell how good they are to begin with.  The production values are much better than you'd expect.  There's that.  I LOVE the idea of fairy tales getting the adult treatment (this is softcore so there's no penetration at all) but this film aimed low and they hit what they aimed at. 

And, alas, this is my 4,000th review in 10 years.  Yikes!

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