Guns (1990)

Director: Andy Sidaris

Writer: Andy Sidaris

Composer: Richard Lyons

Starring: Erik Estrada, Dona Speir, Roberta Vasquez, Bruce Penhall, Cynthia Brimhall, William Bumiller, Devin DeVasquez, Michael J. Shane, Danny Trejo

More info: IMDb

Tagline: Locked, Cocked & Ready To Rock!

Plot: A South American gunrunner uses an island in Hawaii as his base of operations. A squad of beautiful government agents is sent to put him out of business.

My rating:  4/10

Will I watch it again? No.

The two previous Andy Sidaris movies I watched were pretty damn fun; stupid and ridiculous but fun as they were intended to be.  So you can imagine how excited I was to find out that Sidaris made a movie with Erik Estrada as the bad guy and Danny Trejo has his henchman.  It sounds like a winning combination, right?  

And then you throw in a few of these...

and a couple of those...

and boy, oh boy, does this look like a winner.  Nope.  It's pretty god damned boring is what it is.  It's an 85 minute ride to Snoozeville, USA.  This picture drags like crazy.  Did I mention Erik Estrada and Danny Trejo are the bad guys?

How do you fuck this up? Had Sidaris brought the sense of fun he had in HARD TICKET TO HAWAII (1987) and MALIBU EXPRESS (1985) to this picture it might have been a whole heck of a lot better.  He should have given Estrada some different direction because he's playing it too straight.  His was a role that screamed for overacting.  The one guy in the picture that hit all of the right tonal marks is this cat.

Michael J. Shane (as magician and assassin, Shane Abilene) was hilarious.  I'd almost recommend seeing this picture just for his performance.  It's not nearly as entertaining as the other two films I saw.  The corny jokes are fewer and the action scenes are less fun and cheesy.  Sure, there's the nudity but that only goes so far.  The biggest letdown is not getting to see an overly campy performance by Estrada in a film that would playfully support it. But this motorcycle didn't have a problem supporting these two from fucking.