Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Malibu Express (1985)

Director: Andy Sidaris

Writer: Andy Sidaris

Composer: Henry Strzelecki

Starring: Darby Hinton, Sybil Danning, Art Metrano, Shelley Taylor Morgan, Brett Baxter Clark, Niki Datine, Lori Sutton, Lorraine Michaels, Lynda Wiesmeier, Kimberly McArthur, Regis Philbin, Andy Sidaris

More info: IMDb

Tagline: Packing Heat From Texas To Malibu Beach!

Plot: Cody Abiliene is a semi-successful private detective desperately in need of a big (and well-paying) case. When he's hired to solve the murder of Contessa Luciana's husband, he jumps at the chance. In between investigating the many women around the Contessa's estate, Abilene eventually uncovers a complex case of espionage and blackmail.

My rating: 6/10

Will I watch it again? Only with a crowd.

I recently went through three of Andy Sidaris' films (this one being the first) and if there's one thing I've learned, it's don't pay much attention to the plot.  It's the silliness, the action and the plethora of naked broads you're supposed to pay attention to.  Unfortunately this one is thick with plot and runs a whopping 101 minutes.  Cody (Hinton) provides a lot of voice over like Tom Selleck did for MAGNUM P.I..  Hell, this whole movie reminded me of that show in a lot of ways AND it's set entirely in Hawaii, which really helps.  But there's one thing MAGNUM P.I. didn't have and that's lots of...

This is one of the biggest reasons to watch an Andy Sidaris picture and there are lots of them AND they're sprinkled throughout the film so you don't get too bored (you know, because there is a story).  The jokes are corny as shit but after a while and after a shitload of them, you start to laugh.  Some of them are pretty clever.  One thing I really liked about this picture is that you get a true sense that these people were having an absolute blast making these dumb but fun movies.  That adds a lot of value, too.  They knew what they were making and they embraced it.  Besides the film being way too long, the biggest beef I've got is the inclusion of the country bumpkin family.  They're so over the top and ridiculously stupid that it was easily the worst part of the film.  The thing is, they kept showing up every so often. Ugh.  It's just awful.  It's like HEE HAW but waaaaaaay worse.

I picked up the 12 movie set (all Andy Sidaris) from Amazon last year for under five bucks.  Girls, Guns and G-Strings: The Andy Sidaris Collecion is currently at $4.50 with free shipping (if you have Prime).  If you like dumb, fun action movies with TONS of boobs (and great looking broads) then this is the biggest no-brainer on the block.


  1. I bought the Andy Sidaris films in the 12-disc "Bullets, Bombs and Babes" collection. I'm curious how much quality has been lost by compressing them to 3 discs. My version has a featurette with Andy Sidaris and Julie Strain for every film, even the films she doesn't appear in. Is that included in your version? There's also a "film school" featurette for each film, in which he uses scenes from each film to show aspiring filmmakers how to make good movies. I don't always watch the extras on DVDs. Too often they're boring stuff, added "because they had to". In contrast, Andy's featurettes are interesting and amusing. And Julie gets topless in some of them!

    1. The overall quality for the three movies I've watched so far was pretty good. The three discs are double sided (two movies each side) DVD-9s. There are extras but they aren't displayed. They're hidden (Easter egg style). Go to the SCENE SELECT MENU. Then use the UP ARROW or LEFT ARROW on your DVD player remote to highlight the babe's RIGHT or LEFT leg. Each leg has a different surprise. I tried it on one movie and there was an intro with Andy and Julie, trailers and commentary track. I'm really looking forward to hearing the commentaries. I hope they're informative and funny. All films are fullscreen as they were originally released.