Kingdom of Heaven (director's cut) (2005)

Director: Ridley Scott

Starring: Orlando Bloom, Liam Neeson, Eva Green

More Info: IMDB

Tagline: Be without fear in the face of your enemies. Safeguard the helpless, and do no wrong.

Plot: Balian of Ibelin travels to Jerusalem during the crusades of the 12th century, and there he finds himself as the defender of the city and its people.

My Rating: 5.5/10

Would I watch it again? Oh, HELL, no!

When will Hollywood wake up and realize that Bloom can't act? Sure he was great in LOTR because he played a character that showed NO EMOTION! He was OK at best in the first POTC movie (the other two sucked hard). Here he has the job of carrying the ENTIRE FUCKING PICTURE!!! Naturally, he fails. He picks up a lucrative fat check from the studio, bangs the script girl and her friends (but just the cute ones), skips his acting classes to go play checkers with the local amputee prostitues and then walks onto the set ready to not act.

PIRATES OF THE SPOILERBEAN:

There is a scene early on where Neeson tells Bloom that he is his father and he's come to make amends for missing his child's life up to this point. He's a respected knight and can do that. Bloom is visibly struggling to...uh...ACT! It's one of many painful scenes to endure.

END OF SPOILERS...YARRRR!

It's a Ridley Scott film so you know you're in for some talented and entertaining film making. It's a beautifully shot film. No question about that but it drags and drags and the suffering through Bloom's performance doesn't help.

I wanted to like this film. I dig knights, Ridley Scott's films, some of the actors in this but it's ultimately Bloom that failed to sell the picture to me. I can't blame him. I suck more than he does as an actor and if someone shovelled a shitload of dough at my feet I'd take it, too.