Constantine (2005)

Director: Francis Lawrence

Starring: Keanu Reeves, Rachel Weisz, Shia LaBeouf, Djimon Hounsou, Tilda "Strangely HOT" Swinton

More Info: IMDB

Tagline: Hell wants him. Heaven won't take him. Earth needs him.

Plot: John Constantine is the exorcist who has been to Hell and back, and whose soul is sentenced to hell. He has been deporting demons to get on good terms with God, yet God wants self-sacrifice. After the mysterious suicide of her twin sister, detective Angela Dodson goes out in search of the truth. Together, Constantine and Angela battle the demons on Earth.



My Rating: 5/10

Would I watch it again? Whoa! No!


I had long heard that this is a pretty good flick even for those of us who think that Keanu should stick to doing what he does best...Bill & Ted movies. I've been misled and wronged. This movie is pretty good for the first 20 or so minutes but once the plot is pretty much outlined and all we're left with is Emo Keanu spewing out shitty nuggets of wisdom or monologues that fall flat and little adventures here and there. Other than that it's pretty decent but the 121 minute (!!!!) run time forces me to find other things to do like pour myself a drink, play with the remote, ask anybody in the room why we're watching this, pour myself another drink, think about how much better this would be if Rachel Weisz would at least show a little skin, pour yet another drink and wait, wait, wait.


Trim a bit here and there and replace Keanu with someone with acting chops and you'd have a pretty good movie. I just didn't see one that night.