Sunday, November 17, 2013

The Haunting in Connecticut (2009)

Director: Peter Cornwell

Writers: Adam Simon, Tim Metcalfe

Composer: Robert J. Kral

Starring: Virginia Madsen, Kyle Gallner, Elias Koteas, Amanda Crew, Martin Donovan, Sophi Knight, Ty Wood, Erik J. Berg, John Bluethner

More info: IMDb

Tagline: Some things cannot be explained.

Plot: After a family is forced to relocate for their son's health, they begin experiencing supernatural behavior in their new home, which turns out to be a former mortuary.

My rating: 4/10

Will I watch it again? No.

Drinking game: Take a drink after every single jump scare (i.e. instant loud crash of music and sound accompanied by something on screen instantaneously appearing on the screen intended to make you jump)

I don't know why I bother with crap like this.  I gave it a shot, not knowing it was going to be laded with jump scares.  They happen so often it feels like a comedy, like I'm supposed to laugh or something.  It's ridiculous.  I couldn't take the movie seriously.  To make it worse, I watched the unrated, 102 minute extended cut.  The special effects are nice but the music and sound effects are in your face like someone walking backwards in front of you with their hands in your face while you walk down the street.  It's annoying as hell.  And why are movie haunted houses old, two story homes on a few acres of land?  How about making THE HAUNTING IN A MOBILE HOME?  I'd fucking go see that movie.  The carved corpses were neat and the ectoplasm was kind of cool but for crying out loud; why did the picture have to try so fucking hard that the only way it could illicit a reaction out of the viewer is to startle them with sudden loud noises?  Where's the fucking talent in Hollywood these days?  I'm so frustrated with the seeming lack of people around who care about making a genuinely scary movie without resorting to cheap carnival tricks.  AHHHHH, I'm so cheesed right now.  Maybe I can get three bucks for the fucker on Craigslist. 

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