Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (2018)

Director: J.A. Bayona

Writers: Derek Connolly, Colin Trevorrow

Composer: Michael Giacchino

Starring: Chris Pratt, Bryce Dallas Howard, Rafe Spall, Justice Smith, Daniella Pineda, James Cromwell, Toby Jones, Ted Levine, Jeff Goldblume, BD Wong, Geraldine Chaplin, Peter Jason

More info: IMDb

Tagline: Life finds a way.

Plot: When the island's dormant volcano begins roaring to life, Owen and Claire mount a campaign to rescue the remaining dinosaurs from this extinction-level event.

My rating: 7/10

Will I watch it again? Probably.

This is just as dumb as JURASSIC WORLD (2015) but it's just as good, too.  Stupid shit happens in this movie that defies screenwriting gymnastics but it doesn't matter.  The dinosaur action is great and it's a lot of fun and that's what this franchise is supposed to be all about.  The first half is on the island and the second half is in Northern California.  There seems to be a lot more dinosaur action in this one than the last one but then it's been three years since I saw that one.  Goldblum isn't in it much but he always brings it so I'll take what I can get.  There's a delicious tease at the end for the next film.  It's too bad that this franchise will never see an 'R' rating.  I'm sure a lot of fans would love to see what they could do with no restrictions.  I'd be upset with myself if I didn't say how great it is to see Ted Levine on the big screen again.  That guy should be in everything.  And one more thing, apparently Claire discovered better shoes to run in. 

The People That Time Forgot (1977)

Director: Kevin Connor

Writers: Edgar Rice Burroughs, Patrick Tilley

Composer: John Scott

Starring: Patrick Wayne, Dough McClure, Sarah Douglas, Dana Gillespie, Thorley Walters, Shane Rimmer, Tony Britton, John Hallam, David Prowse

More info: IMDb

Tagline: The 7th continent - A lost world shut off by a wall of ice, roamed by beasts unknown to science, ruled by men lost to history, doomed to vanish in a chaos of leaping flames!

Plot: In 1919, a British expedition in the Antarctica region is searching for a lost American explorer and finds a hidden prehistoric world instead.

My rating: 6/10

Will I watch it again?  No.

I'm not buyin' this at all.  How the hell could time forget people like this?

It certainly wasn't called the THE CLEAVAGE THAT TIME FORGOT, that's for sure.  Almost a year ago today I watched THE LAND THAT TIME FORGOT (1975).  That was an OK picture.  I figured this one would be along the same lines of quality and it is.  It's more of the same with great looking exteriors, adequate acting and cheesy dinosaur effects.  They would've done themselves better had they stop motion dinosaurs instead of people in dino suits.  The action starts within minutes as our heroes fly to the land the time forgot and get attacked by a pterodactyl.  Then it's a hop, skip and a 30 minute jump to get to the evil skull lair where they find Bowen (McClure) who's been there since the last picture.  Fight some bad guys and escape before the island volcano destroys everything.  It's a very simple story but they managed to make a reasonably entertaining kiddie flick.  John Scott's theme is great.  It would've been nice to see what he could've done with it if they'd given him more money to hire a larger orchestra.  Patrick Wayne (John's son) does well in the lead and he'd go on to play a much bigger fantasy role that same year in SINBAD AND THE EYE OF THE TIGER.  At least that film had the budget it deserved.  I guess you could say that about this one, too.  Like LAND, the MGM print of this is anamorphic widescreen (looking goo, too) and the sole extra is the theatrical trailer (also anamorphic wide).

When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth (1970)

Director: Val Guest

Writers: Val Guest, J.G. Ballard

Composer: Mario Nascimbene

Starring: Victoria Vetri, Robin Hawdon, Patrick Allen, Drewe Henley, Sean Caffrey, Magda Konopka, Imogen Hassall, Patrick Hot and Jan Rossini as Rock Girl!

More info: IMDb

Tagline: Enter an age of unknown terrors, pagan worship and virgin sacrifice...

Plot: Set in the ancient past when humans and dinosaurs lived together, a small tribe is struggling to survive by giving a sacrifice of a blond woman to their god, the sun, in return for protection from the giant lizards and other creatures that preys on them. Sanna, one of the sacrificial offerings, finds herself on her own when a freak storm interrupts the ceremony. As she searches for a safe haven she encounters hostility from rival tribes and lots of huge and deadly dinosaurs.

My rating: 5/10

Will I watch it again?  Nope.

That's one reason to watch this movie.  The other, and just as important in my opinion, is for the abundance of stop motion dinosaur action.  It's actually good (both the animation and the boobage).  The story is simple.  It's hilarious that all of the blondes get sacrificed...but only when their of age and HOT!  Why would you go through the trouble and expense of raising them?  I guess god only wants them when their ripe for the plucking.  I can't blame him.  The language spoken was made up for the picture.  I would've preferred they spoke English.  This movie is dull and slow but at least the music is good, the women are hot and barely clothed and the dinosaur animation is good.  And then there's that one scene that can make all the difference...

Make that two scenes.  Fun fact:  This move begins by telling us that the moon had not yet formed.  Then suddenly at the end, it shows up out of nowhere causing the ocean to be turbulent and cause chaos on the cave people's beach resort, thus sending our heroes on a boat to an unknown future.  No kidding.

The Day Time Ended (1979)

Director: John 'Bud' Cardos

Writers: Wayne Schmidt, J. Larry Carroll, David Schmoeller, Steve Neill

Composer: Richard Band

Starring: Jim Davis, Christopher Mitchum, Dorothy Malone, Marcy Lafferty, Natasha Ryan, Scott C. Kolden, Roberto Contreras

More info: IMDb

Tagline: THEIR LIVES BECAME A LIVING HELL

Plot: Aliens visit the solar-powered house of a middle-class family, and the house is suddenly sucked into a time warp that transports it back to prehistoric times.

My rating: 6/10

Will I watch it again?  No.

Good flick.  It's low budget, sure, but Cardos & co. did a great job with making what might seem like a simple story into something that's interesting and more compelling than the usual low budget sci-fi offerings of the day.  It held my interest.  I like how the aliens are not explained.  It's kind of like, ummm, you know, real life.  These dudes show up and there's something of a bad alien in addition to the good ones and all kinds of weird things happen in the sky and then dinosaur creatures show up and disappear and so on.  If you're confused then you're not alone.  It all gets summed up by Grant (Jim Davis) with a simple line about they must have *insert some sci-fi jargon about the space time continuum*.  That was good enough for me.  The low budget means the effects aren't up to snuff but that didn't bother me at all.  Hell, there's a lot of stop motion animation and that's always a plus.  The performances are pretty good and I Richard Band's score has some very nice moments.  If you read the comments on IMDb you'd get the idea this is a moldy turd.  It's a low budget sci-fi flick that tells a good sci-fi story without holding your hand and relying on the effects to distract you.  Check it out.

The Land That Time Forgot (1975)

Director: Kevin Connor

Writers: Edgar Rice Burroughs, James Cawthorn, Michael Moorcock

Composer: Douglas Gamley

Starring: Doug McClure, John McEnery, Susan Penhaligon, Keith Barron, Anthony Ainley, Godfrey James, Bobby Parr, Declan Mulholland, Colin Farell, Ben Howard, Roy Holder, Andrew McCulloch, Ron Pember

More info: IMDb

Tagline: THE ADVENTURE YOU WILL NEVER FORGET!

Plot: During World War I, a German U-boat sinks a British ship and takes the survivors on board. After it takes a wrong turn, the submarine takes them to the unknown land of Caprona, where they find dinosaurs and neanderthals.

My rating: 6/10

Will I watch it again?  No.

I guess I like the idea of these kinds of movies more than the films themselves.  I'm talking about the spate of dinosaur flicks from the 70s.  THE LAST DINOSAUR (1977) is my favorite.  It's just fun as hell and that includes the cornball special effects.  This picture has bad dino effects, too, but it's also a bland-ish film.  It's not a bad film in that it is enjoyable but it lacks something I can't quite place.  It'd be great to be 6 again and see this in the theater.  That's probably the best way to enjoy this.  The acting is fine for what it is and it's a good looking picture but when you consider it takes half the film to get to the titular place it's already started to overstay its welcome.  The first half is submarine drama.  It's not bad sub drama but it's not exactly getting anyone excited and by the time you get to dino land, a lot of the wind has been taken out of the film.  There's no need to see it again but I am keen to see the sequel, THE PEOPLE THAT TIME FORGOT (1977). The MGM Midnite Movies set has both films.  I haven't seen the sequel yet but this film is presented in a great looking anamorphic widescreen print with the sole extra being the anamorphic widescreen trailer.

Planet of Dinosaurs (1977)

Director: James K. Shea

Starring: Mary Appleseth, Harvey Shain, Derna Wylde, Max Thayer, CHuck Pennington, Charlotte Speer, Louie Lawless, Pamela Bottaro, James Whitworth, Michael Lee

More info: IMDb

Tagline: Trapped On A Lost World of Prehistoric Monsters

Plot: A space ship gets lost and is forced to make an emergency landing on an unknown planet. The planet looks much like earth, only with no trace of civilization. Soon the crew discovers that there are dinosaurs on the planet, and blood-thirsty buggers at that. The crew hopes to be found and rescued, but they have to struggle to survive until then.

My rating: 4/10

Will I watch it again? No.

This picture took obvious inspiration from a bunch of movies like PLANET OF THE APES (1968), ONE MILLION YEARS B.C. (1966), LAND OF THE LOST (1974 TV show), and every stop motion animated dinosaur movie to have ever existed. Is this a bad thing? It's not an automatic "yes" but in this case it is. The stop motion effects work is outstanding! I can't emphasize this enough. If you dig that sort of thing then you MUST see this. Retromedia has put out a nice widescreen DVD of it. For everyone else, avoid it. The dialogue is awful and it matches the level of performances you get from the actors. Except for the dinosaurs, it's low budget all the way. All of that doesn't mean it's not fun to watch but when 84 minutes feels like 3 hours, you've got a huge problem. I watched this with a group of friends and we goofed the shit out it but I couldn't help but look at how much time was left after about 50 minutes. It reminded me of STARCRASH (1978) where it's so bad it's good but after 45 minutes you're ready to get off this ride. But, DAMN, the dinosaur work was fantastic!

Yor, the Hunter from the Future (1983)

Director: Antonio Margheriti

Starring: Reb Brown, Corinne Clery, Luciano Pigozzi, Carole Andre, John Steiner

More info: IMDb

Tagline: He was a powerful warrior from the future, trapped in a prehistoric land, battling for the survival of his people.

Plot: Yor, an extremely blond prehistoric warrior, comes to question his origins, particularly with regard to a mysterious medallion he wears. When he learns of a desert goddess who supposedly wears the same medallion, Yor decides that he must find her and learn his true identity. Along the way, he encounters ape-men, dinosaurs, and a strange futuristic society.

My rating: 5/10

Will I watch it again? Nah.

DRINKING GAME: Take a drink every time Yor smiles or gets hit on by a woman.

Put this in the so-bad-it's-good category only it's not so bad that it's THAT good. The only way to watch his is with a group and plenty of liquor. I had the gang over the other night, we slapped it in and laughed hysterically every few minutes. It's ultra low budget, dumb and it's got enough goofiness going for it that it'll keep a crowd entertained as long as you're goofing on it. There's some blatant STAR WARS ripoff shit from the characters to a certain swing across a chasm scene that makes for some good laughs. The special effects range from really bad dinosaurs to sights and sounds you got from TV shows like BATTLESTAR GALACTICA (1978) and BUCK ROGERS IN THE 25th CENTURY (1979). Be warned if you attempt to watch this alone, though, it plays much better with a room full of people ready to laugh it up.

The Valley of Gwangi (1969)

Director: Jim O'Connolly

Starring: James Franciscus, Gila Golan, Richard Carlson, Laurence Naismith, Freda Jackson, Gustavo Rojo, Dennis Kilbane, Mario De Barros, Curtis Arden

More info: IMDb

Tagline: Cowboys Battle Monsters in the Lost World of Forbidden Valley.

Plot: It's 1900 and Cowboy James Franciscus seeks fame and fortune by capturing a Tyrannosaurus Rex living in the Forbidden Valley and putting it in a Mexican circus. His victim, called the Gwangi, turns out to have an aversion to being shown in public.

My rating: 7/10

Will I watch it again? Hells, yeah, Pardner!

To get myself ready for COWBOYS & ALIENS (2011), I had a Cowboys & Dinosaurs double feature one night with a bunch of friends. There was this one and then it was the Awesome (!!!) THE LAST DINOSAUR (1977). Gwangi was one of those pictures I'd been wanting to see ever since I saw the balls-out, jaw-dropping trailer. Surly the movie can't be as good as that? It is!


You have to wait till about halfway in to get to the dinosaurs and that's when it gets REALLY fun. This movie rocks. The pacing is brisk, the location shooting of Almeria, Spain is fun for us Spaghetti Western freaks and Ray Harryhausen's special effects steal the show. His stop motion work is ALWAYS worth watching no matter what movie he did. I've enjoyed every film of his so far and that's quite a few.


When the shit hits the fan with a rampaging dinosaur on the loose, it's off the charts. People getting eaten, shit being destroyed, kids in peril, the works! The ONLY thing that would have made this movie better? Stop motion titties. There's got to be some lost Harryhausen footage out there with some stop motion titties. I'm pitching in ten bucks, American, into the kitty to pay someone to find it. As a huge fan of both Ray Harryhausen, stop motion animation and boobs, it's the trifecta in entertainment.

One Million Years B.C. (1966)

Director: Don Chaffey

Starring: Raquel Welch, John Richardson

More Info: IMDB

Tagline: This is the way it was.

Plot: Caveman Tumak (Richardson) is banished from his savage tribe. He finds a brief home among a group of gentle seacoast dwelling cave people until he is banished from them as well. Missing him, one of their women, Loana (Welch) leaves with him, deciding to face the harsh prehistoric world with its monsters and volcanoes as a couple.



My Rating: 6/10

Would I watch it again? Meh

After all these years I've FINALLY gotten around to watching this and it's about what I always expected. "This is the way it was." HA! My ass. That was the way it was on the set maybe. It's pretty much a Creationist's wet dream only 996,000 years too old.

The iconic image of Welch in that leather (not furry as people tend to remember) bikini outfit is second only to Ray Harryhausen's outstanding stop-motion dinosaur animation. WOW! It's especially cool when the humans get eaten. Top-notch work in that department. So while most people will watch this for the scantily clad Welch, I'm in it for the dinosaurs. I'm such a nerd.

There's an effectively creepy scene involving our favorite caveman couple stranded in a tree surrounded by ape-men. The apes don't see them and the sheer number of them along with their obvious ferocity elevate the tension far beyond what I would've expected and what this film deserved.

"It's got spotty fake chest hair and everything!"

The location, shot in Spain, is beautiful and looks/feels ancient. That's pretty much the good. The movie's rather silly and childish so when you notice things like the glue-on hair for the men and the hot, clean-shaven women, you just laugh it off. I suppose there aren't many out there that want realism of the hairy women kind in their movies.

"They didn't teach THIS in my early history books..."

It's sort of a cross between the silly CAVEMAN (1981) with Ringo Starr and the realistic QUEST FOR FIRE (1981). I haven't seen the former since the 80s and I remember loving it. But then that was twenty something years ago. I did see QUEST last year for the first time in over twenty years and it blew me away with it's care for getting as much accurate as we know and for taking it so seriously. I'll have to revisit both of those and soon.

Although it's unlikely I'll ever watch this again in lieu of one I haven't seen, I do recommend it solely for the location shooting and Harryhausen's special effects. It's not that bad of a movie. It's just not a great one, either.