Writer: Jakes Spear
Composer: Frank Cossak
Starring: Tiffany Love, Maria Vaslova, Stacy Silver, Kate Blond, Julia Orlova, Sarka Kay, Zdenka Navotna, Kristi Lust, Helga Cernik, Conrad Bismark
More info: Teraz Films
Plot: Some broad at a convent leaves for some reason and gets tangled up with some bad guys who want her to go back to the convent and steal a painting. Along the way she gets whipped...a lot.
WATCH THE TRAILER HERE
My rating: 6.5/10
Will I watch it again? Possibly but not likely.
Part of the Nunsploitation Project (July & August 2013). Click here for more naughty nun insanity!
So you've got these guys, see, that look like Nazi Gestapo officers. Every male in the movie is wearing a creepy lifelike mask where the lips don't move. It's pretty damn cool, actually.
After the opening credits and creepy Nazi fondling we head on over to the convent.
I am so firing my lawn guy and I'm hiring these gals instead.
Now, this picture is two hours long. Think about that. Two fucking hours long. But it's a fetish film with a story so it's going to be padded with stuff. I'm getting ahead of myself. What I'm trying to say is that this flick has some incredibly hilarious moments and there are a bunch. It's enough to keep you interested in between the whipping bits.
"Shit! He's done the sudoku."She actually says that. All of the women have thick Eastern European English accents. They also speak in monotone which helps with the fun.
One of the nuns turns on the telly for some light entertainment...
The newscaster says something like, "A woman had been found naked, bound and apparently whipped to death and it appears that she endured multiple orgasms before dying." If that's not exactly right it's pretty damn close. This shit's funny.
The nun that's leaving tells the Mother Superior that she no longer wishes to stay. The MS tells her she can keep her uniform but she has to leave her badge. She removes the cross from her neck and tosses it onto the desk. Hilarious. Who would have thought there'd be so much humor in a softcore fetish sex tape?
There's lots of whipping...
I spy a J&B bottle. Classic.
Uh, oh, this can't be good...
Yes it can.
Three little penguins...
No little penguins.
This is going to appeal to some of you. The whipping stuff, while I dig it, isn't all that great. It's such softball stuff, staged and fake. I'm not saying I want a severe beating but this flick doesn't work for me on that level. It's well shot and I dig the scenarios but some of them go on too long and I found myself wanting to get back to the well written funny stuff.