Il Confessionale (1998)

Director: Jenny Forte

Writer: Alessandro Firenzi

Composer: Vidra Productions

Starring: Isabelle Danton, Silvio Evangelista, Alba Foster, Rosa Giampaolo,  Danila Giannatempo, Diana Huldiman, Marianna Janson, Jean-Yves Le Castel, Caterina Lievacic

More info: IMDb

Plot: A priest gives in to his sexual urges with young women who visit him for confession.

My rating: 4/10

Will I watch it again? No.

Part of the Nunsploitation Project (July & August 2013). Click here for more naughty nun insanity!

The movie begins with a well dressed man kneeling and praying in a church.  It's in Spanish without any English language option so I'm on my own again to figure this shit out.   Seconds later as the title of the film scrolls across the screen I realize it's not going to be that tough to decipher.  It's a porno.  As the title passes by so do various fuck scenes that are about to unfold. We find out soon enough that the man at the top of the show is a priest and we get a black & white flashback to a woman on her deathbed.  And it's not long before there's two women on the bed.

Yeah, these two do every position imaginable on the bed as the woman sleeps and coughs.  Hilarious.  There's an extended scene of confession broken up with the priest at home arguing with his father at the dinner table.  Yawn.  But wait!

Hanky panky ensues.

Oh, yeah, do it to me, baby.  Cue the docile choral music.

I seem to have lost my way with the lord...

Perhaps it's in here...hey, I think I found my car keys...

More fuck time and back to the confessional.  Until the next fuck scene. 

Yup.

Now our horny priest is chatting up some other bird.  I wonder where this might lead.  Hmmm...

Oh, yeah, he leans in for the kill, I mean the sex.

This guy really has a thing for titty fucking through the front of the bra.  He's done it with every broad so far.  Damn you lack of subtitles.  I need to know why! [Scorethefilm drops to his knees, fists to the heavens and screams, WHY!]

Back to the confessional.  They weren't kidding around with the title, were they?

I know what you're sayin' by now.  "Hey, Scorethefilm, I thought this was a Nunsploitation picture.  Where are the fucking nuns?"

There you go.

Up next?  A pissed off bride.  How much do you want to bet our friendly priest ends up titty fucking her through her bra?

Shit.  I would have lost that bet.  He did everything else to her but that.  I guess it's the purity of a bride on her wedding day that kept him from doing it but not 17 other positions.   And we're back where we started.

As far as a Nunsploitation picture goes, it stinks.  There's very little of it and it's all at the end although you do get two hot nuns pleasing the priest. Say, that sounds like a fun sex act, "Pleasing the Priest."  As a porno, it's OK but what's missing is ANY of the participants acting like they're having any fun at all.  Every last one of them looks like they're just going through the motions.  I don't know about you but I like to people enjoy themselves every once in a while.

UPDATE:  OMFG is this hilarious and the best part about this film.  You have GOT to read this (highlights added by moi).

10 years ago TODAY! 

John Hooper in Rome from The Guardian, Friday 12 September 2003

Church used in porn film may need reconsecration

The bishop of a diocese in the uplands of central Italy was last night mulling over whether to reconsecrate one of his churches following the discovery that it had been used to film a hardcore pornographic movie five years ago.

Couples from all over Italy are married in the picturesque church of San Vincenzo at Gioia Vecchio in the Abruzzo region, and questions have been raised about the validity of the hundreds of marriages celebrated since 1998, when the film was made.

Prosecutors announced that they were looking into whether to bring blasphemy charges against the producers. The diocesan authorities said they were investigating how access to the 13th century church was provided for the filming of a scene in which a cleric has sex with a bride.

The parish priest at the time, Father Artemio De Vincentiis, 83, said: "I gave the keys to the owner of the restaurant opposite and he was taken in."

Some local people suggested that those involved had been naive.

"What did they think they were making with those girls in there? Animated cartoons?" asked Massimo Frazi, a dentist.

Blasphemous pornography is popular in Italy despite or, more likely, because of the influence of the Roman Catholic church.

But as its publicity made clear, Il Confessionale (The Confessional Box) offered the extra thrill of having been "filmed in a real church".

Described by one specialist website as "very hot Italian porno", the movie tells the story of a priest who "begins to give in to his sexual urges with young women who visit him for confession".

It stars Joe Calzone (otherwise known for his roles in such monothematic dramas as Amsterdam Nights) and Monica Roccaforte, who has also featured in Sacred and Profane and The Return of Father Tonino, both hardcore films. The link between Il Confessionale and the church of San Vincenzo came to light when the film was downloaded from the internet by a man living in the area who took it to the police.

The Catholic church's code of laws states that sacred places which have been profaned ought not to be used until the act has been undone by "penitential rites".

But ecclesiastical lawyers yesterday assured couples who had wed at the church that they remained married.

Alfonso Corsi, who practises at the Sacra Rota court in Rome, said: "It's just a liturgical problem, and not a juridical one."