Thor the Conqueror (1983)

Director: Tonino Ricci

Starring: Bruno Minniti, Maria Romano, Malisa Longo, Luigi Mezzanotte, Raf Badlassarre, Angelo Ragusa, Rosalba Ciofalo, Elena Wiedermann

More info: IMDb


Plot: Thor, who is some kind of chosen one, wanders around some forests randomly fighting other cavemen and quasi-cavemen guided by his misogynistic magical mentor before he teams up with some more civilised and friendly farming cavemen types and battles the head bad guy, is blinded, gets better and leads the nice cavemen to victory.

My rating: 5/10

Will I watch it again? Nope.

Ya know, if it weren't for the terrible acting this flick would be much worse.  The first few minutes are mind boggling as a baby is born (Thor), the father holds him high in both hands to show him off to everyone and an arrow is fired and strikes its intended target - the baby, and it makes the sound of an arrow hitting wood.  Maybe he was wearing wooden diapers or something like that.  We all thought the kid was dead and a huge roar of laughter followed but it turns out he didn't die.  THE FUCK?  When you combine WTF moments like that with some really bad acting (the English dub makes it even better), it's going to at least be a little entertaining...and that's what it was, a little entertaining.  This is a super low budget CONAN THE BARBARIAN (1982) Italian rip-off.  The Italians excelled at making shit knock-offs.  90 minutes is too long but then it's scattered with some WTF just happeneds, lots of fighting, laugh-out-loud bad acting and a scant smattering of nudity.  You could do much worse.