Thursday, March 31, 2011

Blitzkrieg: Escape from Stalag 69 (2008)

Director: Keith J Crocker

Starring: Tatyana Kot, Steve Montague, Wayne Chang, Minerva Borack

More info: IMDb

Tagline: A New Era of Nazi Terror!

Plot: Enter Stalag 69, where torture is just the Beginning for this bloody band of Nazi Butchers! Germany, 1945. Stalag 69, a POW camp ruled by the sadistic SS commandant Helmet Schultz, is nothing but a blood-soaked playground for this perverse Nazi monster who uses his American, Russian, and British prisoners in cruel and ghastly biochemical weapons experiments. When a group of young, wanton USO girls are captured and fall into the hands of Schultz and his battalion of butchers, the brutality is turned up and the unsuspecting girls are gored, gouged and ground up - all for the pleasure of Schultz and his SS brothers and sisters. Now it's up to the rag-tag survivors of the camp to strike back against their captors and Escape from Stalag 69, alive or on a slab!

My rating: 5/10

Will I watch it again? Nein.

This is it...the last of nearly 30 Nazisploitation flicks in 31 days. A low budget film maker in 2008 decided that the genre still had some mileage left; enough to make BLITZKRIEG. Boy, was he wrong.

Say, aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?

There really wasn't much else one could do with the genre. It's an offshoot of the Women in Prison genre which is pretty limited to begin with. There's just no place to take this genre where it hasn't gone before. That doesn't mean that you can't go out and make your own - it just means that you'd better bring something remotely interesting to the table or fans will walk out on you.

Meet our hero!

The Krauts in this picture didn't have to worry about digging.
This guy's not going through any tunnels.

Those are fake, by the way...just like grandma used to have back in dubya dubya two!

BLITZKRIEG is a very low budget movie which means the effects will probably suffer, the acting is going to be OK at best (one can only hope it won't be humiliating) and it will probably run too long. Under the circumstances, the effects are quite good and much better than I expected. Kudos, kids!

While it's clear the actors aren't pros, most do appear to be earnest in their performances but there are a few who are so bad/under experienced that they couldn't begin to hide their thick NJ/NY accents which is kinda funny. The standout performance by far was Jonathan Brown as Berkenholtz. He's very good and one wonders how someone with acting chops made it into the flick.

Don't get too attached to that thing!

Awwwww. Too soon?

And here we have an example of authentic period pubic grooming habits...

That leaves the running time. It's two hours and 15 minutes long! That's an awful lot of movie even for a big budget flick. I've got an awful lot of respect for anyone who makes a movie, especially one like this and while it's not that great of a film, there are a few spots that are enjoyable.

Listen to this clip at the :47 mark for something truly special...

Jonathan Brown (right): Good actor in a not-so-good picture.

Did Crocker make this because he's a fan of the genre and thought he could bring something to the Nazisploitation table? Or perhaps he saw this genre as an easy way to get noticed which translates into actually making money. Who knows and, really, who cares. Nearly 40 years after the genre was born, it's evident that some people just won't let go of the past.

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