Cleopatra (1963)

Director: Joseph L. Mankiewicz

Starring: Elizabeth Taylor, Richard Burton, Rex Harrison, Pamela Brown, George Cole, Hume Cronyn, Cesare Danova, Kenneth Haigh, Andrew Keir, Martin Landau, Roddy McDowall, Robert Stephens, Francesca Annis, Carroll O'Connor

More info: IMDb

Tagline: The motion picture the world has been waiting for!

Plot: In 48 B.C., Caesar pursues Pompey from Pharsalia to Egypt. Ptolemy, now supreme ruler after deposing his older sister, Cleopatra, attempts to gain favor with Caesar by presenting the conqueror with the head of Pompey, borne by his governors, Pothinos and Achillas. To win Caesar's support from her brother, Cleopatra hides herself in a rug, which Apollodorus, her servant, presents to Caesar. The Roman is immediately infatuated; banishing Ptolemy, he declares Cleopatra Egypt's sole ruler and takes her as his mistress. A son, Caesarion, is born of their union. Caesar, however, must return to Italy. Although he is briefly reunited with Cleopatra during a magnificent reception for the queen in Rome, Caesar is assassinated shortly thereafter, and Cleopatra returns to Egypt. When Mark Antony, Caesar's protégé, beholds Cleopatra aboard her elaborate barge at Tarsus some years later, he is smitten and becomes both her lover and military ally. Their liaison notwithstanding, Antony, to consolidate his position in Rome, marries Octavia, sister of the ambitious Octavian. The marriage satisfies no one. Cleopatra is infuriated, and Antony, tiring of his Roman wife, returns to Egypt. There he flaunts his liaison by marrying Cleopatra in a public ceremony. Sensing Antony's weakness, Octavian attacks and defeats his forces at Actium. Alarmed, Cleopatra withdraws her fleet and seeks refuge in her tomb.

My rating: 7/10

Will I watch it again? Yes.

It's been twenty years since I saw this on laserdisc.  Watching it now on Blu-ray is magnificent.  Unfortunately all of the restoration in the world isn't going to help the main problem with this film - it's over 4 hours long and it feels like it.  The thing is, the acting is great, the sets and costumes are AMAZING, the cinematography is gorgeous and Alex North's score is one of my all-time favorites.  It's just such a large pill to take in one sitting, and I totally dig on historical epics like this.

One of my favorite scenes - Cleopatra's entrance into Rome.

This had to be pushing the envelope for 1963.

Director Mankiewicz had a longer cut of the film that he envisioned as two films titled CAESAR AND CLEOPATRA followed by ANTHONY AND CLEOPATRA.  The studio felt that with the record breaking publicity they were getting from the world's obsession with the romance between Burton and Taylor that they needed one, shorter film and that audiences wouldn't see CAESAR AND CLEOPATRA because they wanted to see Richard Burton gettin' it on with Taylor in the second picture.  Boneheads.  It's still a very good picture even if it requires special training on my part to watch it from start to finish in one sitting.  There are a crazy amount of extras on the recent 50th anniversary edition that are going to keep me busy for a long time.  I'm sure I won't have much trouble staying awake for that.

Transporter 3 (2008)

Director: Olivier Megaton

Starring: Jason Statham, Natalya Rudakova, Francois Berleand, Robert Knepper, Jeroen Krabbe, Alex Kobold, David Atrakchi, Yann Sundberg, Eriq Ebouaney

More info: IMDb

Tagline: This time, the rules are the same. Except one.

Plot: Frank Martin puts the driving gloves on to deliver Valentina, the kidnapped daughter of a Ukrainian government official, from Marseilles to Odessa on the Black Sea. En route, he has to contend with thugs who want to intercept Valentina's safe delivery and not let his personal feelings get in the way of his dangerous objective.

My rating: 7/10

Will I watch it again? Yes.

I'm really digging this series.  So far I like the second one best but this third picture is a lot of over the top, goofy fun.  I like the relationship that Frank (Statham) and Inspector Tarconi (Berleand) have and how it grows from film to film.  Sure T3 has crazy, idiotic shit like...

 ...but everyone involved knows that's the goal and they deliver.  I could have used at least one more action scene as the film tends to drag a little in spots.  But you're not waiting long before some fun happens.  I feel like a broken record in saying this again but even though Jason Statham is largely a one-note actor, I really dig the tune and I hope he keeps on making these types of pictures as long as he's having fun and he takes us with him.

Savage Weekend (1979)

Director: David Paulsen

Starring: Christopher Allport, Jim Doerr, David Gale, Devin Goldenberg, Marilyn Hamlin, Caitlin O'Heaney, Jeff Pomerantz, William Sanderson, Yancy Butler, Adam Hirsch

More info: IMDb

Tagline: You have been chosen. You are doomed. Prepare for.... SAVAGE WEEKEND

Plot: Several couples head upstate to the country to watch a boat being built. Unfortunately they are stalked by a murderer behind a ghoulish mask.

My rating:7/10

Will I watch it again? As soon as a nice widescreen print surfaces.

This early slasher might be a slow go at first but once it gets cookin' it's fantastic.  The acting isn't always that good but director Paulsen was still able to craft a good thriller with some great kills. For my money, the real star is Christopher Allport who plays the very gay Nicky.  This guy had the best lines and made me laugh quite a bit.

 

It's always fun seeing William Sanderson (Otis) in anything, especially in some genre work close to the beginning of his career (he did this after the AWESOME exploitation flick, FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE (1977)).

The last half hour is the best and that's when the body count adds up.  They kept me guessing until the very end on the killer's identity.  Great fun.  Now where the hell is a proper DVD release for this?

Wrong Turn 3: Left for Dead (2009)

Director: Declan O'Brien

Starring: Tom Frederic, Janet Montgomery, Gil Kolirin, Christian Contreras, Jake Curran, Tom McKay, Charles Venn, tamer Hassan, Jack Gordon, Louise Cliffe, Charley Speed, Borislav Petrov, Borislav Lliev

More info: IMDb

Tagline: What You Don't See Will Kill You

Plot: While rafting in the Bluefish River area, four college kids are attacked by the mutant cannibal hillbilly Three Finger. Only the teenager Alex succeeds in escaping running through the woods. Meanwhile, a group of dangerous criminals are transported from the West Virginia Grafton Penitentiary in a custody bus escorted by three security guards through the backwoods. When they park in a rest stop in a police station, Sheriff Carver is informed about the missing teenagers. The bus driver heads to their destination with the guards and the prisoners but a tow truck driven by Three Finger hits the bus that falls off the road. They are attacked by Three Finger and the perilous Carlo Chavez dominates the guards and the other prisoners. When they accidentally meet Alex, the girl tells how sick and threatening Three Finger is; sooner the survivals discover that Alex is telling the truth.

My rating: 3/10

Will I watch it again? No.

When I watch a movie called WRONG TURN 3: LEFT FOR DEAD I'm looking for escapism but for fuck's sake.  The retarded inbreds in this flick are phenomenal killing machines.  Their expertise with a bow and arrow are rivaled only by Robin Hood.  The business with the criminals is boring.  I didn't care about any of them and what's worse, two of the people I thought would be left standing were so there was hardly a payoff.  Ugh.  And I know that corn syrup is the cheapest and easiest way to make fake blood but it's so obvious they used that.  In some scenes it's translucent for crying out loud.  I'm just picking at this point.  If they're going to keep on with this series would it be too much to ask to tone it down on the inbred bullshit and get some cold hearted killers loose in the woods that aren't so damned cliched?  Oh, and the nudity?

 

It's front loaded.  You get a small bit near the end so if that's your reason for watching it, skip the rest after the first kill of the picture and move onto something else.

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

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Dick Tracy Meets Gruesome (1947)

Director: John Rawlins

Starring: Boris Karloff, Ralph Byrd, Anne Gwynne, Edward Ashley, June Claywaorth, Lyle Latell, Tony Barrett, Skelton Knaggs, James Nolan, Joseph Crehan, Milton Parsons

More info: IMDb

Tagline: Horror Man Traps Super-Sleuth!

Plot: A gang of criminals, which includes a piano player and an imposing former convict known as 'Gruesome', has found out about a scientist's secret formula for a gas that temporarily paralyzes anyone who breathes it. When Gruesome accidentally inhales some of the gas and passes out, the police think he is dead and take him to the morgue, where he later revives and escapes. This puzzling incident attracts the interest of Dick Tracy, and when the criminals later use the gas to rob a bank, Tracy realizes that he must devote his entire attention to stopping them.

My rating: 8/10

Will I watch it again? Of course.

Ralph Byrd is all kinds of fun as Dick Tracy.  There were four one hour films made in the 1940s, only two of which had Byrd return as Tracy.  He also did four serials in the '30s.  I've seen two of them.  He brings that smiley optimism that can turn into cold badass when necessary.  This picture is a blast and it's in no small part to having Karloff as the villain.  He's fantastic. 

The first 40 minutes of DTMG is lightning fast.  Several scenes (the initial one with Tracy and the reporter has words flying fast and furious and it's one of the best word fights I've seen in a while) fly by and have some great, witty lines.  The gas part of the plot is a neat idea and it works well with the story.  Yeah, it's kind of hokey but it's fun and it fits in nicely with this type of light entertainment.  If you haven't seen any of these four pictures, start with this one and DICK TRACY'S DILEMMA (1947) before heading over to the two pictures made with Morgan Conway in the starring role.  They're still fun but Ralph Byrd was the best in the role.

Batman: The Dark Knight Returns (2012)

Director: Jay Oliva

Starring: Peter Weller, Ariel Winter, David Selby, Wade Williams, Carlos Alazaqui, Dee Bradley Baker, Paget Brewster, Maria Canals-Barrera, Cathy Cavadini

More info: IMDb

Tagline: Old heroes never die. They just get darker.

Plot: Batman has not been seen for ten years. A new breed of criminal ravages Gotham City, forcing 55-year-old Bruce Wayne back into the cape and cowl. But, does he still have what it takes to fight crime in a new era?

My rating: 8/10

Will I watch it again? Yes.

NICE!  Except for the first half dozen episodes of the the 1992 Batman animated TV show (which was pretty damn good), I hadn't seen any of the other animated shows or movies.  I'm fucking impressed. It's really dark and I loved it.  I'm not crazy about how Batman is built like a monster tank but the voice work, animation, story, pacing and everything else was top notch.  The Bat/Supes fight at the end of part two was great.  Man, you really feel that Bruce's age is taking its toll on him.  Wow. Great score by Christopher Drake, too. I'll have to ask my Batman expert friends to throw me some more Bat bones and let me know what else is out there that's this good.  I'm motivated to finish the '92 series now.