Monday, June 14, 2010

Four Dimensions of Greta (1972)

Director: Pete Walker

Starring: Tristan Rogers & Leena Skoog

More Info: IMDB

Tagline: Swing with Greta in 3D

Plot: A reporter tracks down a missing German party girl in London. Along the way he meets some interesting characters with stories of their own about Greta, ending in an undercover sting to nab the bad guys and find Greta alive.

My Rating: 4/10

Would I watch it again? Not even in 4D

#14 on Dusk to Dawn Drive-In Trash-o-Rama Show Vol. 1 (part of the TRAILER TRASH PROJECT)

Meet studly Hans...

He's German (really?) and he's going to London to do a story on the abuse of au pairs but a friend of the family asks if he can look for their daughter, Greta, who left for London two years earlier and they haven't heard from since. Hans goes to her last known address where he sees the woman of the house verbally abusing her au pair. That's the last time we hear of anything to do with his original reason for going. The rest is all about Greta and her four dimensions...and here they are!

Essentially Hans finds someone who knew Greta who then tells a story. We get the flashback swirl...

and bingo, we're in 3D. This type of 3D is most effective on the big screen so it's no surprise that it's not that great on my TV but, considering this is Britain's first 3D film and the 3D is a great excuse for nudity, you take it for what it's worth...not much.

So that little piece of information leads us to the next person who also has a story. Flashback in 3D. Repeat this another two times and you're almost done.

Ah, the swingin' 60s/70s of London!

Knowing there are only four 3D flashbacks sucks because after the fourth one, you've got nothing to look forward to. The last 20 minutes or so has Hans and his girl undercover to find out what these gangsters have done with Greta. When Hans busts into the houseboat where they're keeping the girls he actually says...

"It's just like a cheap British sex movie." Uh...yeah. Except he should've said, "It's just like a bad, cheap British sex movie."

Gotta haves a little sumpin' for tha ladies!

Like most 3D movies, the 3D is the gimmick that draws the audience. Here, it's 3D boobs (and MY what great 3D boobs they are!) but that just isn't enough. The screenplay is dreadfully dull and by the numbers. Seriously, after the last 3D flashback I was ready to turn it off. The only thing this flick has that's cool is the great period nudity and the period London locales...and hair.

For a movie that's supposed to be a sex comedy, they sure did get distracted enough with the sex to forget to make it funny.

Oh, my bad. I guess SOMEONE had a sense of humor after all.

The director, Pete Walker, is widely known for his horror films of the 70s. I'm almost afraid to find out why...almost.

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