Saturday, February 7, 2009

Blood Freak (1972)

Directors: Brad F. Grinter & Steve Hawkes

Starring: Steve Hawkes

More Info: IMDB

Tagline: Only the blood of drug addicts can satisfy the thirst of the blood freak monster!

Plot: A biker comes upon a girl with a flat tire and offers her a ride home. He winds up at a drug party with the girl's sister, then follows her to a turkey farm owned by her father, a mad scientist. The father turns the biker into a giant turkey monster who goes after drug dealers.

My Rating: 5

Would I watch it again? Yeah, if the conditions were right

On one level, this is a real dog of a movie. On the other hand, given the right circumstances, this can be a really fun film, sort of. If you watch this with a bunch of friends imbibing substances who aren't worried about mulling around from time to time then this'll be a hoot.

We open up with a 2.5 minute introduction by Brad F. Ginter (below) that's fucking hilarious. His delivery is priceless. He's so serious about the lamest things, trying to make the next 84 minutes seem relevant by explaining it as a morality tale. It'll have you in tears by the end of the movie. Ginter's the best thing about this picture. And what a look he has, too. It's creepy beyond words but worth the price of admission.

I'd like to molest your family, if I may...where's the scotch?

Hawkes is a riot as the biker with a new-found love for reefer (I love that word). I'm willing to bet he's the stiffest actor I've ever seen. He's painfully funny as a result. Great hair, though. Wish I had it. To say he's the worst actor in the film is a stretch. Although it can be fun watching someone on camera look like they don't know what to do next (as an actor).

The fun picks up once he's transformed into a murdering turkey which is basically Hawkes walking around with a paper mache turkey head on his shoulders. There's some gore and it's fun. Seeing the victims faces wondering what's going on and hearing the "gobble gobble" turkey sound gets lots of laughs. There's also a music "sting" every time something bad is about to happen and it occurs so frequently that it gets laughs all by itself. It sounds suspiciously like it's been lifted from GOLDFINGER (1964)...hmmmmm...It wouldn't surprise me. Things like that were stolen all the time back then.

Turkey: The Gateway Drug

There's a great scene where Herschell (Hawkes), as the turkey monster, makes his way back to his girlfriend's house to make love to her. She sits on the edge of the bed in shock and starts going on about the consequences if they continued their relationship. She says, "I just can't believe you're here like this. Do you think the effects of it will ever wear off? What if it never wears off? Gosh, Herschell, you sure are ugly. (sound effect: gobble). Honey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean...Herschell, I got a guilty feeling that crossed all this. I'll quip (?) you. You know I love you. I've got to be dreaming this whole thing, Herschell. So I guess the pretty girl in the scene should stick with the monster she created. But...what...would it be like if you stayed like this? If we got married...what kind of life would have together...if you stayed that way? What would the children think of their father that? My god. What would the children look like? (sound effect: gobble). What would they think? Would they look like their father? Herschell? What are you doing? (sound effect: gobble gobble). Herschell...oh...Herschell? Herschell? Oh my god!" (sound effect: gobble). The lonely guitar music fades and the love scene commences. HAHAHAHAHAHA! Great stuff.

For the most part this is dull. Trim a half hour out of it and you've got something you could probably sit through. By the time I got to the half-way point I thought it'd been on for more than two hours and that's not fun. There's A LOT of dead time in this picture where literally nothing happens. It kills the movie.

Grinter comes back (from time to time and) at the end to wrap things up so it ends on a high note. His unintentional coughing kills me. You really do need to see this but you've been warned. So, if there's one Christian-Drug-Gore-Turkey Monster movie you see before you die, make it this one.

1 comment:

  1. Yeah, this movie was...interesting. The acting was subpar, the story was ridiculous, and the costuming was not even the right animal. The lead actor did have a sexy head of hair though.