Tuesday, May 29, 2018

50,000 B.C. (Before Clothing) (1963)

AKA: Nude on the Rocks

Director: William Rose

Writers: Arnold Drake, Herbert Lannard, William Rose

Composer: Martin Roman

Starring: Charlie Robinson, Irving Selig, Al Monaco, Dino Tarronova, Toni Monaco, Carl Shelton, Bebe Lent, Morton Taylor, Mila Milo, Gigi Darlene, Sherry Parker, Anita Ventura, Nikki North, Allura, Eddie Carmel, Paul Lavert, Audrey Campbell, Herbert Lannard, Jackie Miller

More info: IMDb

Tagline: The first women on Earth were his playmates

Plot: A man travels back in time and meets prehistoric cave people who are often nude.

My rating: 5.5/10

Will I watch it again?  No.

The time-traveling framework this flimsy story is built upon is silly and embarrassingly bad but then it never strove to be anything but.  Ultimately it's just an excuse to show lots and lots and lots of tits, not that you need an excuse, right?

On an artistic note, it's got one of the best opening tittles, I mean titles, ever!

I bet John Williams would've like to see his name on the screen like that.  The comedy is a throwback to what you'd get in a burlesque show.  The only thing different is this picture has a bigger budget (and it's hard to keep a straight face while saying that) to allow for outdoor shooting and instead of interruptions with strippers and sexy dancing you get naked gals in the wild already naked and ready for your viewing pleasure.  There is one dance with a snake but she doesn't strip (the dancer, not the snake).  The humor is base level bawdiness.  I did laugh out loud once, though.  What is nice, and the reason why anyone would ever watch this to begin with, is the frequent bursts of nudity for nudity's sake.  It was good enough then and, as far as I'm concerned, it's good enough now.  Call me a big fan of boobs in their natural habitat...otherwise, the funny falls flat which gives you a few minutes to take a smoke break or something until the real show's back on.

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