Hell's Chosen Few (1968)

Director: David L Hewitt

Starring: Jody Daniels (Joe), Kelly Ross (Sharon), Joe Follino (Willie) and Gary Kent (sheriff)

More Info: IMDB

Tagline: THE CYCLES FROM HELL ARE COMING!

Plot: Innocent bikers get harassed by the local fuzz and one of them is framed for murder. It's up to his estranged brother to prove his innocence.

My Rating: 5/10

Would I watch it again? Probably not. There are far too many shitty biker films I've yet to see.

#4 on Dusk to Dawn Drive-In Trash-o-Rama Show Vol. 1 (part of the TRAILER TRASH PROJECT)


The picture opens up with your standard late 60s biker gang crusin' down the road over the opening credits.


GIRL: Willie, hon?
TOUGH GUY: Whaddaya want, baby?
GIRL: Let's cut out for the beach.
TOUGH GUY: Let's stay with the gang and see what happens.
GIRL: Aw come on, Willie. If we go to the beach I'll give you a big surpriiiise.
TOUGH GUY: Whatever you want. I'd like that
GIRL: OK, Willie, let's like it!

That's the way to keep up your tough guy image. Next thing you know you'll be slappin' on some Old Spice or Mandom!

The gang stops by an auto garage to see an old friend. A deputy copper stops by with a rifle telling them to stay on the north side of the beach and to stay away from this part of town. Next stop, the gang's hangout, the Cactus bar & pool hall for more friends and sport.


The Deputy walks into the sheriff's office where we get some exposition. It seems that the sheriff's daughter is going to the Tiki (local entertainment hot spot for the kiddies) with her date, the lawyer Martin's kid. We're told that the Tiki isn't too far from the beach. Foreshadowing? Btw, the sheriff is running for re-election.

The bikers are done at the pool hall and it's crusin' time to the beach.



At the sheriff's house, he and his wife, Anna, get into an argument when their daughter, Penny, comes down the stairs to meet her date in a dress that cost $49.50. Penny's date, Brad, enters and does the standard Leave It To Beaver meet & greet. They're off to the club to get some kicks!



Back at the sheriff's house, he and Anna are still fighting. He's done and is heading out to the bar to cool off when...

Anna: Alright. You be home before Penny gets back. I'm worried about her.

Sheriff: If she doesn't get any more excited than you do, there's nothing to worry about!

OH, SNAP!

We're off to the Alibi bar for some hard beer drinking and amateurish acting by the sheriff. Back at the Tiki, the kids decide to run down to the beach for some frolicking. The sheriff makes it back home all horny, trying to seduce Anna while singing, "Danny Boy". Despite what you're thinking, it doesn't work. She proclaims he's drunk and he storms out. He ends up at the beach. Now Brad and Penny have broken off from the group and start in ta neckin'. Daddy shows up and starts beating the living shit out of Brad and at one point pops shoves Penny hard into the ocean. Pretty good fight. Too bad I'm watching a shitty, dark print making it sometime tough to see some of the night scenes.


So Brad's lying on the beach and daddy drags Penny back home to show Anna how their daughter has been naughty. Penny looks like fucking hell and in all the shouting Anna asks her...

ANNA: Is this true?

PENNY: Nothing happened, Mama. Really. Forgive me.



(WHACK! Right across the face Anna full hand's Penny!)

ANNA: Why, you little tramp! If you ever do a thing like that again I'll kill you!!!

HARSH! $5 cash money for anyone who can spot mom's hand in the frame when it struck Penny. Yeah, I didn't think so.

It's the next morning and we see the headline...


Lance Armstrong has some 'splainin' to do! I guess that means Brad's dead. But wait! Didn't the sheriff just beat him up? He's in a fuckload of trouble now...or is he? It turns out that a biker had ridden his bike down to where Brad was and he passed out drunk. The deputy picked up the biker who doesn't remember a thing. The sheriff's got himself a scapegoat. This is starting to sound an awful lot like the plot to AVATAR.


Uh, oh. There's a former Marine, Lt. Joe Grady, who's at the the sheriff's office for some unknown business. Joe's got a brother in one of the biker gangs. Any ideas as to who his brother, Willie, probably is? Yep. He's the suspected killer. The sheriff isn't holding back on how much he and his town hates bikers, including Willie.


The sheriff allows Joe to see Willie. They're not on friendly terms but Joe wants to clear Willie on behalf of his dead parents' memory. Willie explains he was on the beach because of that girl.


JOE: You don't even remember her name?
WILLIE: I told you. She was a 'mama'; one of those broads that always hang around bike riders. They belong to nobody in particular and everybody in general.

Willie can't remember where she lives and so he can't really prove anything except he was drunk off his ass. Joe's got ten days to prove his brother's innocence. Joe goes to one of the hangouts of the Hells Chosen Few (there is no apostrophe in the title in the film or on the backs of their jackets, btw) and tells the bartender he wants to join the gang because, together, they can spring Willie.


Only 54 minutes left...

Say, what is it with biker gangs and German WWI & WWII souvenirs?

So there's a meeting of the gang. The bartender introduces Joe.


The gang doesn't take too kindly to him, being all clean cut and fresh out of Vietnam and all. Joe throws some lip around, trying to hold his own. So do they vote him in? As sure as shit they do. WHAT...THE...FUCK?!? Whatever. This would have been a great opportunity for some kind of initiation or fight or something. The bartender fills Joe in on what they're going to do. Their leader, Oddball, is the only one who voted against Joe's inclusion.



Helloooooo Sharon! She and Joe are being pushed together. What kind of girl is she, you ask?

"I guess I'm the girl type."

Yes.You.Are! Would you like to have my babies?

All of the guys are taking "turns" with Tanya, Oddball's woman, and the last in line tells Joe it's his turn and he has no choice about it. Sharon says it's OK and it's part of the initiation. Everyone has to go through it. Oddball threatens Joe with a broken pool cue for dissing Tanya. They say the penalty for turning down the dude's broad is death. Joe defiantly chooses the sloppy 14ths over leaving the gang.



Some great go-go action ensues!

GO, BABY, GO!!!

OUTTA SIGHT!

SIEG HEIL, BABY!

Damn, I loves me some 60s go-go action!!! That's something that needs to make a serious comeback.

So after about 8 minutes of dancing we move on to Joe waking up and Sharon bringing him a warm beer. Joe's acting like a fucking cupcake. What a douche. The two philosophize about the dangers of drinking beer and wine. They're off to the coffee shop when the deputy pulls them over. Suddenly Joe's no longer the square douchebag and he's now a greasy-haired badass talkin' smack to the coppers. Whatever.


An elderly couple in a station wagon pull in behind them all the while looking into the camera. Seconds later they're backing up and driving away. They clearly weren't part of the picture. I love it when shit like that happens.


The deputy hauls the two love birds into the sheriff's office. The sheriff wonders what the deal is with his new getup and Joe starts giving him some lip and explains himself. Joe's angry ass is vowing to find the true murderer. The sheriff wants to know why anyone in his right mind would go around dressed like that riding a chopper at 6 in the morning. Scandalous!


The sheriff cuts them loose and we're back at the Cactus where another gang, Riders East, is there where one of the fellas is giving this chick a tattoo. Joe goes to the bedroom to find Sharon all gussied-up. Her gown cost $4.50, she says proudly. For a guy who's done all sorts of fighting and macho-ing it up overseas, he sure is an idiot when it comes to dames. Shit! She's got her sushi laid out for a buffet and he's thinking he might want a salad. He eventually comes around.



21:32 more to go

It's amusement park time and the gang's all here on the carousel (which, in a moment of brilliance, the carousel is playing the song, "The Gang's All Here" - nice touch). Joe and another member of his gang start duking it out over Sharon's honor or something. Joe's hurt and Sharon patches him up. I have no idea what the point of all of that was. They get on to talking about each other. You know stuff you might want to know a few days after you start fucking like what your last name is. Shit like that. More smooching.


We're back at the Cactus and the sheriff walks in to talk to the bartender, Deacon, asking for Joe. We've got 15 minutes left in the picture and Joe is no closer to finding out the sheriff is the killer. The sheriff is there to show him the morning's headline of a fight with a rival gang. I have no idea where this came from as the fight was between two guys wearing the same gang name on the back of their leather jackets. At first, when they were fighting, I thought it was between the two different gangs. I guess that was the case but how do you explain the names on the jackets? My we todd id brain hurts. I totally need to watch a Bergman picture after this to raise my IQ a few points.


Back a the sheriff's unstable household, Penny is getting hysterical. She's just been to Mexico and she came back drunk! She confronts her father and storms out.


Remember that garage from the start of the picture? We're back. The phone rings and it's Penny. She tells Joe about what really happened to Brad and to warn him that her dad is on his way over. So that's how he finds out. The sheriff wants to make a deal but Joe's got nothin' to do with it. Harsh words are bandied about and the Sheriff pulls his gun. In the midst of the struggle a shot is fired and daddy-O has taken the bullet and hid it in his stomach.

"You lousy trash!"

The deputy, I mean newly promoted sheriff, lets Willie out of his cell.

"Yeah, well your generosity makes me puke, man, so tickle the lock and let me outta here."

I love the way bikers and beatniks speak in movies. The new sheriff gives Willie some more lip and tells him to get out of town. Willie shows up at the Cactus and sees Sharon. It just hit me that she's the chick that Willie was with at the beginning. Willie isn't pleased that Joe is now here man. I sense an impending conflict between Willie and Joe. He wants what's his and forces himself on her. Later that night Willie's got a different broad with him at the amusement park which is closed. Joe's calling out for him but it's dark and Willie can't see him. Sneaky bastard. Willie makes his way to the carousel which has just started up. Joe says he's gotta kill him for 'taking' his woman. Not raping but taking. Whatever.


Now I understand why they had the amusement park sequence earlier, to have a special location for the big confrontation. I hate that movie convention shit. Anyway, the apparently drunken Willie staggers around until Joe strangles him, leaving his body in the dirt as he walks away.









Joe must have turned himself in because now he's in the cell that was occupied by his brother just hours earlier. That's pretty bleak. Didn't see that coming.




Biker funeral and we're done. So what's the moral of the story, kids? This is what happens when you go to fight in Vietnam instead of dodging the draft. I sure have learned my lesson. Woof!

Biker flicks are noted for being particularly good. I've certainly seen worse. I dig the twists in the story but that's hardly a recommendation. I'll chalk this one up to watching it so you don't have to.