Blood Freak (1972)

Directors: Brad F. Grinter & Steve Hawkes

Starring: Steve Hawkes

More Info: IMDB

Tagline: Only the blood of drug addicts can satisfy the thirst of the blood freak monster!

Plot: A biker comes upon a girl with a flat tire and offers her a ride home. He winds up at a drug party with the girl's sister, then follows her to a turkey farm owned by her father, a mad scientist. The father turns the biker into a giant turkey monster who goes after drug dealers.

My Rating: 5

Would I watch it again? Yeah, if the conditions were right

On one level, this is a real dog of a movie. On the other hand, given the right circumstances, this can be a really fun film, sort of. If you watch this with a bunch of friends imbibing substances who aren't worried about mulling around from time to time then this'll be a hoot.


We open up with a 2.5 minute introduction by Brad F. Ginter (below) that's fucking hilarious. His delivery is priceless. He's so serious about the lamest things, trying to make the next 84 minutes seem relevant by explaining it as a morality tale. It'll have you in tears by the end of the movie. Ginter's the best thing about this picture. And what a look he has, too. It's creepy beyond words but worth the price of admission.

I'd like to molest your family, if I may...where's the scotch?

Hawkes is a riot as the biker with a new-found love for reefer (I love that word). I'm willing to bet he's the stiffest actor I've ever seen. He's painfully funny as a result. Great hair, though. Wish I had it. To say he's the worst actor in the film is a stretch. Although it can be fun watching someone on camera look like they don't know what to do next (as an actor).


The fun picks up once he's transformed into a murdering turkey which is basically Hawkes walking around with a paper mache turkey head on his shoulders. There's some gore and it's fun. Seeing the victims faces wondering what's going on and hearing the "gobble gobble" turkey sound gets lots of laughs. There's also a music "sting" every time something bad is about to happen and it occurs so frequently that it gets laughs all by itself. It sounds suspiciously like it's been lifted from GOLDFINGER (1964)...hmmmmm...It wouldn't surprise me. Things like that were stolen all the time back then.

Turkey: The Gateway Drug

There's a great scene where Herschell (Hawkes), as the turkey monster, makes his way back to his girlfriend's house to make love to her. She sits on the edge of the bed in shock and starts going on about the consequences if they continued their relationship. She says, "I just can't believe you're here like this. Do you think the effects of it will ever wear off? What if it never wears off? Gosh, Herschell, you sure are ugly. (sound effect: gobble). Honey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean...Herschell, I got a guilty feeling that crossed all this. I'll quip (?) you. You know I love you. I've got to be dreaming this whole thing, Herschell. So I guess the pretty girl in the scene should stick with the monster she created. But...what...would it be like if you stayed like this? If we got married...what kind of life would have together...if you stayed that way? What would the children think of their father looking...like that? My god. What would the children look like? (sound effect: gobble). What would they think? Would they look like their father? Herschell? What are you doing? (sound effect: gobble gobble). Herschell...oh...Herschell? Herschell? Oh my god!" (sound effect: gobble). The lonely guitar music fades and the love scene commences. HAHAHAHAHAHA! Great stuff.


For the most part this is dull. Trim a half hour out of it and you've got something you could probably sit through. By the time I got to the half-way point I thought it'd been on for more than two hours and that's not fun. There's A LOT of dead time in this picture where literally nothing happens. It kills the movie.

Grinter comes back (from time to time and) at the end to wrap things up so it ends on a high note. His unintentional coughing kills me. You really do need to see this but you've been warned. So, if there's one Christian-Drug-Gore-Turkey Monster movie you see before you die, make it this one.

Frankenhooker (1990)

Director: Frank Henenlotter

Writers: Robert Martin, Frank Henenlotter

Composer: Joe Renzetti

Starring: James Lorinz, Patty Mullen, Joanne Ritchie, J.J. Clark, C.K. Steefel, Shirl Bernheim, Judy Grafe, Helmar Augustus Cooper, Louise Lasser

More Info: IMDB

Tagline: Wanna Date?

Plot: A medical school dropout loses his fiancée in a tragic lawnmower incident, and decides to bring her back. Unfortunately, he was only able to save her head, so he goes to the red light district in the city and lures prostitutes (with his new homemade super crack) into a hotel room so he can get parts for his girlfriend.

My Rating: 8/10

Would I watch it again? Do televangelists love prostitutes?

This movie rocks! There's no other way to exclaim it. It's quirky fun from beginning to end. If the plot outline (and title) isn't enough to give you an idea as to what your getting into, how about the following:

Not too far into the picture Jeffrey Franken's (Lorinz) fiance is killed by one of Franken's inventions - a remote controlled lawnmower. It makes the local TV news.


Newscaster: In a blaze of blood, bones, and body parts, the vivacious young girl was instantly reduced to a tossed human salad... a salad that police are still trying to gather up... a salad that was once named Elizabeth.

The girls go cuckoo for super crack!

So what do you do with a room full of hookers? Blow 'em up!

"I'm Sorry."

FRANKENHOOKER is a tour de force for Lorinz. He's hysterical and hits all of the right notes as the mad scientist dropout. He's a stitch throughout the entire picture. And then there's Patty Mullen as his girl, Elizabeth. In the scenes before she's Frankenhooker, she's kind of hit and miss. She doesn't seem like that great of an actress but after the transformation, she delivers one of the funniest performances I've ever seen and I've seen dozens. Her mannerisms, facial expressions/ticks, walk, line delivery - the works. Frankenhooker needs to have my babies.



If there's bad acting from any of the other actors, and there is some, it's completely OK and it's not distracting at all. If anything, it adds to the flavor. This is camp and it's fun as hell. You want nudity and lots of it? You got it. You want gore and lots of it? You got it. You want 85 minutes of non-stop laughter? You got it and in spades. I can't say enough about this relatively unknown film.


Way back when I was in college I worked part time at a mom & pop video store. I loved it. One day this film showed up. The cover box (VHS) featured Frankenhooker on the streets of NY and somewhere on her body (her stomach, I think) there was a raised bump that said, "PRESS HERE". When you did you heard her say, "Wanna date?" That's all I needed to take that movie home that night and laugh my ass clean off. I wish I had that box today. It's hysterical and a brilliant marketing move.

I can't stop before mentioning the writer/director Frank Henenlotter. This guy's on my list of all-time favorite film makers. He's only w/d'd 6 films since his debut with BASKET CASE in 1982. It pains me to say that these are the only two of his movies that I've seen. Besides BC and it's two sequels, he also has BRAIN DAMAGE (1988) and BAD BIOLOGY (2008). 6 films in 26 years isn't much but so far the quality of what I've seen is out of the fucking park. Classics.

The Devil's Rain (1975)

Director: Robert Fuest

Starring: William Shatner, Ernest Borgnine, Tom Skerritt, Eddie Albert, Ida Lupino, Keenan Wynn

More Info: IMDB

Tagline: Absolutely the most incredible ending of any motion picture

Plot: A bunch of Satanists in the American rural landscape have terrible powers which enable them to melt their victims. However one of the children of an earlier victim vows to destroy them.

My Rating: 5/10 (come on, it's got Ernest Borgnine with a goat head)

Would I watch it again? with a room full of people and mind-altering substances

#147 on Drive-In Delirium Volume 2 (part of the TRAILER TRASH PROJECT)

Where do you start with something like this? You've got your Satanists, an exploding car, burning at the stake, hours and hours of melting faces, a ghost town and Ernest Borgnine (when he's not working the ole knuckle rocket) in the best goat head mask this side of the Pecos. What's not to like?

"DAAAAAAAAAAAD!"

Well, it's got Shatner and despite his hammy acting THE DEVIL'S RAIN is kind of slow and that's really what hurts it most. The story's serviceable and it's got a great cast especially with Borgnine but he's only great half the time. When he's in "Satan worship" mode he's silly. Between those scenes and Shatner's hamming it up this could be described as "Bacon Fest '75"

Probably the coolest part of the film is the finale with the melting faces. It's so cool that it's too cool and it's too much - like an extended orgasm that just keeps going and going and going...AND IT'S NOT YOURS!

Brokeback Shanter..."I wish I knew how to quit you."

And in all the years that I'd heard that they used a Shatner mask for Michael Myers in HALLOWEEN (1978) I never could see it until now...

Now it makes sense.

This movie's got more melting faces than that time Courtney Love removed her underpants on stage and threw them out at the crowd.


That goat mask that Bornine wears is fantastic. He's really wearing the prosthetic. What a trooper. Any other big name actor would have insisted on a simple mask. This is yet another reason why Ernest Borgnine is a badass mutherfucker of an actor!


Outside of that, look fast for John Travolta in a bit part as a member of the Satanist cult (how fucking ironic). Even at 86 minutes it's not short enough. This was watched with a room full of friends in the middle of an all-night horror movie marathon on Halloween 2008. It was like Mystery Science Theater 3000 turned up to 11. THAT was fun and it's the only way to view this...uh...er...film.

They Drew Fire (2000)

Director: Brian Lanker

Starring: Jason Robards (Narrator)

More Info: IMDB

Plot: The story of World War II combat artists and their art.

My Rating: 9/10

Would I watch it again? Definitely








If you're interested in art or WWII then this you need to see this. It's a fascinating look at the men who created some of the most amazing images of war. We get to meet some of the surviving artists and learn about the conditions they endured on the battlefield and off.


This 56 minute film is loaded with drawings and paintings (of the thousands held at the National Archives) that only scratch the surface of what was created but also gives you a small taste of a much larger world.



The book this is based on is, sadly, out of print. If you can find it you're looking at $75+. Hell, the DVD of this looks to be out of print as well. Some bozo on ebay is selling it for $177.77! Rent it online. It's worth seeking out. Until then, visit THE OFFICIAL FILM'S SITE for more information as well as dozens of drawings and paintings.

Black Moon Rising (1986)

Director: Harley Cokeliss

Starring: Tommy Lee Jones, Linda Hamilton, Robert Vaughn, Richard Jaeckel, William Sanderson, Keenan Wynn, Nick Cassavetes

More Info: IMDB

Tagline: From the mind of John Carpenter comes the towering adventure that thunders across Los Angeles and explodes 30 stories above it!

Plot: A professional thief is hired by the FBI to steal a data tape from a company under investigation. As this thief is discovered in his attempt, he hides the tape inside a prototype car, but unfortunately there is someone else interested in this vehicle.

My Rating: 6/10

Would I watch it again? Once was fine

I probably got a little TOO excited to see this considering the cast and it's written by John Carpenter. The sci-fi tag on imdb is bullshit. I guess if you consider a state-of-the-art secret car to be sci-fi then OK but this picture's got nothing else to qualify calling this a sci-fi film. That said, it's an action-thriller with a fun performance from the always likable Tommy Lee Jones. He's a gas. The pre-credit sequence where he gets the best of a robber at a convenience store is a hoot.


Robber: Alright, freeze! One move and you're both dead men. (To Jones) You hear me, asshole?
Jones: This somethin' new for you, son?
Robber: Shuddup. Shut your goddamned mouth.
Jones: Hey, fine. No problem. There's the cash register and right up there's the television camera and there's a nice full face shot. How about a profile?


As you can see there are a ton of names in this picture. Hell, its even got Bubba Smith. William Sanderson has a VERY effective and well-crafted death scene that's probably the highlight of the film in terms of quality. Another very good scene is just after Jones steals the "super car" and is involved in a full-on chase. The editing in the tunnel sequence in this scene is great. It's an impressive sequence (like Sanderson's death). The editor, btw, is Todd C. Ramsay. His first picture was, if you can believe this, STAR TREK: THE MOTION PICTURE (1979). That's a dreadfully dull film but I can't blame Ramsay for that. The story is motionless. He also did ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK (1981) and THE THING (1982). After that it's all downhill.


Sadly, Linda Hamilton's hair doesn't get a special mention in the credits. To quote the immortal words of Luke Skywalker, "Look at the size of that thing!" That guy next to her must have follicle envy. As if you're interested, here's a movie that lets you see her nude...again.

BMR is only better than average. Without Jones, Hamilton and the rest of the big names this is just another 80s thief-using-his-powers-for-good-and-not-evil picture.

The Man from Hong Kong (1975)

Directors: Brian Tranchard-Smith & Yu Wang

Starring: Yu Wang, George Lazenby, Sammo Hung

More Info: IMDB

Tagline: Fast! Fierce! Fantastic! Nothing can stop . . . . The Man from Hong Kong

Plot: Fang (Wang) is an undercover detective from Hong Kong sent to Australia to crack open the operation of a Sydney mob boss named Wilton (Lazenby). Fang puts his skills as a hang glider pilot and martial arts master to work as he sets up Wilton for a literally explosive finale.

My Rating: 5.5/10

Would I watch it again? No way, Mate!

#41 on my on-going quest to watch every film from the amazing documentary, NOT QUITE HOLLYWOOD: THE WILD, UNTOLD STORY OF OZPLOITATION! (2008)

This sounded like a "can't miss". It's chop socky down under with former badass bond, Lazenby, as the bad guy. It should have been better, damn it! There's only two reasons to see this film and they're both Aussies; George Lazenby and Hugh Keays-Byrne (pictured below on the right with the fro).


I've always loved Lazenby as Bond in ON HER MAJESTY'S SECRET SERVICE (1968) and I would have loved him to have returned for more Bond adventures but it wasn't to be. He's got an impressive physical ability for an actor. He's fantastic in fight scenes and he doesn't disappoint here, either. He makes a great badass villain. The problem is, HE'S HARDLY IN THE MOVIE! I bet he's literally only in the film for a total of 15 or so minutes out of 100. And every scene he's in it's an ass kicker. The other cat I mentioned, Keays-Byrne, is hysterical and is very likable. He's hardly in this thing, too. You might recognize him as...

Toecutter in MAD MAX (1979)

How 'bout this classy dialogue:


Angelica: Mmmmm. This is nice.
Inspector Fang: What did you expect, acupuncture? [both laugh]

How 'bout that tongue action, btw?

That's some great cornball shit. You'd think that'd be enough but it's not. There's just too much fat in this that needs to be trimmed like the above love interest (Fang's second) subplot that's just not necessary. It does have some pretty good chase scenes that are almost worth the price of admission.


TMfHK is OK and it's not a terrible way to kill some time but you could easily find something more worth your while. You're better served by the crazy fun trailer than to have to sit through the tough spots waiting for the goods to arrive.

Ms. 45 (1981)

Director: Abel Ferrara

Starring: Zoe Lund

More Info: IMDB

Tagline: It will never happen again!

Plot: A shy and mute seamstress goes insane after being attacked and raped twice in one day, in which she takes to the streets of New York after dark and randomly kills men with a .45 caliber gun.

My Rating: 6/10

Would I watch it again? Not likely

#1 on 42nd Street Forever Vol. 2: The Deuce (part of the TRAILER TRASH PROJECT)

Maybe my expectations were high considering the cult status this has and the high praise it's always given. It's good for what it is, albeit flawed, but not great.

It doesn't take but a few minutes before our "hero", Thana, is raped, makes her way into her apartment where an intruder awaits and rapes her. It's just not her day. She manages to kill him and takes his gun, a, SURPRISE, .45 handgun. She drags his body into the bathtub and soon starts cutting it into pieces. There's the first issue. This quiet, demure girl (yeah, I get it that she was brutally raped twice in one day) has suddenly got the calm wherewithall to start cutting up bodies with a hacksaw? I don't think so. Her descent to the dark side happens too much and too soon for me to believe.


On one hand, it's great that this is only 80 minutes so it goes by pretty quickly but then it would have been nice to have really gotten a realistic feeling of her trip to the dark side. Ugh. I'm ready to move on to the next over-hyped movie that let me down (THE MAN FROM HONG KONG (1975).


MS .45 is not without its moments. Oh, before I forget; the actress playing Thana's landlady is pretty bad. Thana takes her landlady's dog for a walk (to kill it because it knows something) and she's out walking it in NYC traffic, pushing it in front of cars. It's a scream. The big Halloween party at the end has a band with drums, keyboard and trumpet, yet the only non-rhythm section instrument we hear is a tenor sax! The trupmet player is going to town, groovin' all over the place while we hear this honkin' sax. WTF?


Despite a very good performance by the lead, Zoe Lund, and that she is smoking hot in a nun's habit, MS .45 just doesn't hold up as a classic. It may be better than a lot of DEATH WISH knockoffs but that's just not enough. Without a more logical progression from pussy cat to rabid tiger I'm just going to have to keep looking for that exploitation flick that's not going to leave me like I didn't get anything more than just a snack. And the version I saw was the uncut print. I'd hate to see the trimmed version. I imagine it'd be just another over-priced box of Girl Scout cookies - good but not enough to justify shelling out the dough.