Thursday, July 10, 2008

Nude for Satan (1974)

Director: Luigi Batzella

Starring: Rita Calderoni

More Info: IMDB

Plot: While driving through the countryside late at night, Dr. Benson finds a crashed car with a young woman hanging out of it. The doctor puts the girl in his car and drives for help to the nearest house, which turns out to be a mysterious castle. He is greeted at the door by a woman who looks exactly like the woman from the car, and she invites them both to stay for the night. The doctor soon discovers that his host is not the only one in the castle, and that this beautiful woman is concealing a terrifying secret.

My Rating: 3/10

Would I watch it again? Please don't let me

#113 on Drive-In Delirium Vol. 2 (part of the TRAILER TRASH PROJECT

The film starts off with a nude woman (presumably for Satan) running through the woods in slow motion as the credits roll and we're treated to some pretty eerie droning music. It doesn't last too long and the rest of the credits play out looking at the front end of a VW Bug.

The Doctor driving that car finds an injured woman and tries to find her shelter for the night, making his way to a castle down the road. Upon entering and searching the seemingly empty castle he hears moaning coming from a nearby room. He opens it to find an orgy of sorts with two women doing each other (gay for Satan?) and third woman going to town on a guy. It's really hardcore. No sneaky edits here. Well, after he watches for THREE FULL MINUTES, the doctor closes the door in disgust!!! I guess it had to soak in what was going on first before he realized he didn't like it. Whatever.

And what's the deal with these lame-ass sex scenes where the women (and the men to a lesser extent because there tends to be a lot of lesbian action going on) flick their tongues about like Gene Simmons at a KISS concert, not sure of what exactly to do? It's goofy as hell. 70s porn is hysterical and hairy. There's more bush here than a topiary training school. One girl's bush is so big it looks like she's got Harpo Marx in a thigh choke hold. One scene has two women scissoring each other. Fucking classic.

I usually watch these films in their original language but for some reason I didn't bother changing the English dub over. Too bad, 'cause it sucks. Near the end of the film I switched over to the original Italian track and the voices were a much better fit to the actors. The English dub alone doesn't bring this down. The dialogue is the stuff of nonsensical mumbo jumbo shit like, "How many things seem what they are not and others not what they seem?" This film's got shit like that in spades. Ugh.

On the flipside it also has some really neat imagery.

Now I'm a man who likes his nude women in movies as much as the next guy but this film's got so much of it you feel like you're dating them. We do get treated to one of the girls being penetrated by a candle. Giggidy.

And I don't know what it is about the Italians and the shitty special effects they created but it doesn't work here. Get a load of the most menacing spider I've ever seen...

Fuck if that doesn't make me afraid of spiders. If they were like this all the time I would just stand there legs apart with my hands on my hips and scoff a them. If it weren't for the massive amounts of nudity and sex in this film I'd say they farmed the special effects out to an elementary school.

What we have here is an interesting idea of a couple meeting their doppelganger made so dull and the only diversion we have is beautiful naked European women. Sure, it sounds like a winner but the sex gets old after a while and the pacing is dreadfully slow. Now I loves me some Eurotrash but this one found me hitting the time left button more times than I can count. It does make for a pretty sedative, though. Not a bad way to fall asleep...

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