The Cut-Throats (1969)

Director: John Hayes

Starring: Uschi "The Twins" Digard

More Info: IMDB

Tagline: They couldn't even afford a tagline. No poster, no trailer, no tagline.

Plot: Captain Kohler recruits an outfit of five American soldiers besides himself (dubbed "The Cut-Throats,") to attack a German stronghold to capture battle plans... although his real motive is to steal a cache of jewels that is Nazi plunder. After the enemy soldiers are gunned down, the beautiful women in the compound treat The Dirty Half-Dozen to a stage show and, later, themselves.

My Rating: 3/10

Would I watch it again? Oh, hell, no

#3 on the Uschi Digard Needs to Have My Babies Project

There are two reasons to watch this movie...

and they both belong to Uschi Digard, appearing in such classic films as THE EROTIC ADVENTURES OF PINOCCHIO (1971), THE BIG SNATCH (1971), TRUCK STOP WOMEN (1974) and ILSA, SHE WOLF OF THE SS (1975). Her talents really don't extend much past her girly bits.

This is one of those late 60s no-budget films put together by a bunch of hacks with a movie camera. There's not much story and it's padded with nudity and LOTS of standing around. At 75 minutes it's still not short enough.

I really don't get the cowboy imagery established by the opening credits. The film starts on a cowboy (in an Army uniform) trying to lasso something but that doesn't last long. A German soldier is walking down a dirt road in the woods when he comes across an attractive women carrying a painting. She tries to sell it to him for 5 marks but he's not buying. It takes him a little while but he pulls her panties off...then her dress...then her bra...and proceeds to rape her. This entire scene lasts for SEVERAL minutes with barely a line of dialogue and it's tedious at best. That's how slow this picture moves.

While he's nailin' her he spots the two US soldiers, dismounts and fires at them, killing one and missing the other who, in turn, kills the Kraut. In a touching moment the surviving U.S. soldier glances at the nude woman still lying on the ground, walks over to the dead German to take his rifle, and then goes to check on his dead buddy. Sniff, sniff.

Next we see him and 5 others lined up in front of the Captain who tells them they have a secret mission that could shorten the war. Their job is to break into a German Officer retreat at a golf course (!) that night and steal important documents, killing all of the Germans in the process. Then they're to head back to their HQ and win the war.


Cut to a fat naked German General lying on his back on a table in a steam room with a naked female cutie massaging him. She makes her way to his fat toes and begins to suck them. But wait, there's more. Sucking them is just a means to lubricate his little piggies because she then gets on the table and squats down on 'em and starts working it! Now, I'm well-read on all things WWII and I can tell you that these film makers really knew their stuff. It's widely known to WWII buffs that German officers got off on fucking naked Nazi broads with their fat-ass Nazi toes. Look it up.

Now we go to a control room with variously dressed German soldiers AND THEY'RE ACTUALLY SPEAKING GERMAN!!! There's even subtitles. Wow! And I thought I was watching something without merit. It's neat considering how ultra low budget this thing is until you read what they say. A head Nazi says, "The battle is worth it." Another lets out, "The battle is not worth it" and the first guy fires back with, "The battle IS worth it." Apparently the dialogue coach left early that day.

It's now night time and all six of the commandos, making an episode of HOGAN'S HEROES look like SAVING PRIVATE RYAN, storm the "golf course" compound killing everyone in sight until they stumble across the smokin' hot German prostitutes. The commandos are in the control room pouring over the "documents that could end the war" when one of their boys saunters in and tells them the women have made them dinner and would like to invite them for a meal and a show!!! After waiting a few seconds they all think it's a grand idea and head to the dining hall. I guess the war can wait a few hours, huh?


So now they get this elaborate stage show that has all of the talent of a third grade home room class on 'ludes. They can't even do the fucking can-can kicks at the same time. Not even close. Then the girls start taking the soldiers one by one off alone so they can get naked and have crazy not-even-soft-porn-sex. I kept hoping for some of the girls to kill somebody but they really wanted to have sexy time with the American soldiers.

One of the girls takes her new man to what looks like Goebbel's bedroom, puts on a record of fanfares and Hitler speeches, disrobes and waits patiently for G.I. Joe to tango. It looks a little something like this:


Cut to another room and a place who-knows-where, with the General and his secretary (Uschi Digard) when a soldier blandly enters and says the war is over. The General pours glasses of wine for the three of them which takes about 3 long boring minutes. Then Uschi takes her Nazi top off.

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"Now THAT'S a bustenhalter!"

She lays the man down and pours wine down her right boob for him to drink from. But that's just the appetizer.

She completely disrobes, lies on her back and points to the top of her crack for him to pour and drink from like so:

"Is she 'shushing' him?"

He oblidges. And drinks, and laps, and slurps...

"Sorry, Babe. All out of glasses."

Now the only thing I'm wondering at this point is whether I should wait until the second or third date before I ask a girl if she'd like to share some wine with me....Hmmmmmm. I had no idea I'd develop a new fetish from watching this movie. Thank you, Uschi, both of you.

Back to the story. There's a story? Yeah and it comes with a HUGE fucking plot twist that will catch your short-and-curlies on fire. The next morning the soldiers leave the compound with a doubletime quick step and not a document to be found among them. They encounter a German motorcade with a bunch of liquored-up singing German soldiers. Why? Because they, not the American soldiers, know the war is over. Our boys ambush 'em and kill 'em all. Sucks to be them. See kids, bad things happen when you drink and drive.

Here's the zinger. The U.S. Captain sends everybody back to the compound. Is he going back for the Nazi tang? Nope. It turns out there's a million dollars in jewels hidden somewhere in a box that's barely big enough to fit a loaf of bread, and the Captain wants it. On the way back he loses a couple of men because the women they were recently nailin' are armed and fighting back. The Captain even kills one or two of his own. He wants that Nazi booty. He claims to be the last one and yells for the German General to share the loot with him. The General agrees. Stupid General.

So he comes out with the chest, loads it on the truck and waits a few seconds to say something to the Captain. He wants to settle this like "men" and the Captain agreees. They do the classic western duel but this time they both shoot simultaneously. The Captain misses, the General hits and then the Captain hits, killing the General. The Captain makes off with the General's nurse-clad girlfriend and make it back to where they ambushed the Germans just minutes earlier. They're still dead but one of the Captain's men turs out to be alive. So much so that he's been fucking the chick from the night before in a shower room somewhere!?!

He's disgusted with what the Captain did by risking all of their lives for some Nazi treasure and leaves him there to bleed to death from the General's bullet. The chick he was bangin' kills the Nazi Nurse Hottie (NNH) with a shotgun and the two of them conceive of some plan to get out of Germany with the pathetically small box of jewels. Cue the country & western theme song.

Now, I can't actually prove that that twist will catch your short-and-curlies on fire 'cause I shave mine so I have no way of knowing. But if you'd like to test that theory (hey, I saw THE HAPPENING - I know what a theory is) then you're welcome to have the fullscreen (and there's no way this was filmed wide) VHS to DVD copy of mine.