The Hive (2008)

Director: Peter Manus

Writer: T.S. Cook

Composers: Charles Olins, Mark Ryder

Starring: Tom Wopat, Kal Weber, Elizabeth Healey, Jessica Reavis, Mark Ramsey, Pisek Intrakanchit, Kittphit Tamrongweenijchai, Elizabeth Bodner, Chalad Na Songkhla, Sujinthara Phumjan, Dorrie Salmon, Matthew Boylan

More info: IMDb

Tagline: Death is their picnic

Plot: When ants, displaying never-before-seen behavior, seize an island, the controversial Thorax Team is called to stop the massive threat only to discover that the ants are controlled by something beyond this world.

My rating: 6/10

Will I watch it again? No.

Some things I learned watching THE HIVE...  Tom Wopat is still acting (good for him).  The film makers are fond of the special effects in THE ABYSS ().  Millions of ants can run as fast as the plot calls for.   A mixing board can be used to stand in for hi-tech equipment.  Ants are such a widespread problem in the world that there's a company out there with badass mother fucker employees to combat it, complete with laser guns and whatnot.  You can call a movie anything you want because dumbfucks out there will buy anything.  It should be called THE COLONY (you know, ants) and not something associated with, you know, bees.

OK, it's what you'd expect for a Sci-Fi Channel movie but it's not all that bad, either.  The location shooting in Thailand is a major plus. The acting is OK.  Wopat was working overtime to sell it hard and he was fun.  The worst acting by far was from Kittphit Tamrongweenijchai as Minister Zhing.  WOW does he stand out and that's saying something for this picture.  I wonder how long it takes him to sign his paychecks.  Hey, I'm jealous.  At least he got a check for this.  I didn't get squat and I still haven't been in a movie.  The lovey-dovey stuff between Len (Weber) and Claire (Healey) is really fucking dull and slow.  There's a good deal of unnecessary exposition between these two that drags a lot.  But hey, let's look at some positive.  The special effects, all things considering, are really fucking good.  Allow me to repeat that.  The special effects, all things considering, are really fucking good.  The story is also pretty good.  If it weren't for the slow spots and the occasional laughably bad acting, this would be a pretty good flick.  If this had a bigger budget and better film makers it could be something that would play in theaters much like STARSHIP TROOPERS (1997).  It's not a bad low budget B-movie and I'll go on record as recommending it...so long as you lower your expectations.  I don't want to be THAT responsible.

Navy Seals (1990)

Director: Lewis Teague

Writers: Chuck Pfarrer, Gary Goldman

Composer: Sylvester Levay

Starring: Charlie Sheen, Michael Biehn, Joanne Whalley, Rick Rossovich, Cyril O'Reilly, Bill Paxton, Dennis Haysbert, S. Epatha Merkerson, Paul Sanchez, Nicholas Kadi, Ronald G. Joseph, Titus Welliver

More info: IMDb

Tagline: America's top secret weapon.

Plot: While rescuing an American air crew captured by Mid-Eastern terrorists, Lieutenant Curran and his team of Navy SEALs discover evidence that the terrorists have come into possession of dangerous high-tech weapons.

My rating: 6/10

Will I watch it again? Nope.

SPOILER TEAM SIX!!! YARRRRR!!!!

I don't know what to say about this one.  It's OK. There's lots of macho bullshit that borders on camp.  It's the kind of picture that probably has a fair share of people who love it and eat this shit up but for most it'll be not much more than a time killer.  If you have to ask...don't tell...

I had no idea Navy Seals swung that way.  What would Richard Marcinko have to say about about this?  There's a good deal of action (more than what you see in these screenshots), a thin love interest and general B-movie military stuff, probably riding of the inspiration created by TOP GUN (1986).  There's nothing really all that great about any of it except for Jolena's (Merkerson) reaction to Graham's (Haysbert) death.  She was eerily convincing.  I actually got choked up about it.  But then they ruin the moment with the funeral that follows and the incredibly schmaltzy music score wells up with a shit storm of shit cheese raining down from the shit sky.  It's par for the course in a film like this.  And if you watch this because Bill Paxton's in it, you're almost wasting your time.  He's role is small and practically worthless.  He's not even given a chance to save the film with his awesomeness.

Girls Nite Out (1982)

Director: Robert Deubel

Writers: Gil Spencer Jr., Kevin Kurgis, Joe Bolster, Anthony N. Gurvis

Composer: ???

Starring: Julia Montgomery, James Carroll, Suzanne Barnes, Rutanya Alda, Al McGuire, Lauren-Marie Taylor, David Holbrook, Hal Holbrook, Laura Summer, Mart McChesney, Carrick Glenn, John Didrichsen, Lois Robbins, Matthew Dunn, Susan Pitts

More info: IMDb

Tagline: They all went in, but only a few got out!

Plot: The day after a homecoming basketball game the victory party, an all-nighter scavenger hunt, is held on the campus of a small Ohio college. A killer is on the loose wearing the school mascot bear costume and is murdering the cheerleaders. The campus chief security officer Mac (Hal Holbrook), whose daughter was a victim of a similar killer, tries to find out whose behind it before more killings happen.

My rating: 5/10

Will I watch it again?  No.

Beware of that trailer.  It REALLY makes it look salacious.  It's not.  Not a drop of nudity, not that it's necessary but in this picture it would've helped.  With the exception of a couple of things, it's pretty damn slow.  The first kill doesn't happen until 33 minutes in and the kills aren't particularly fun, gory or imaginative.  What I did like though were the two best friends (I can't recall their names) that are always together and cutting up.  These guys were fun even if not everything they said and did was funny (they tried).  You could tell they were at least trying their best with material that couldn't live up to it.  Hal Holbrook was a welcome addition but you could tell his heart wasn't in it.  Hey, it was a one day job to film all of his scenes.  He did fine I guess.  The surprise ending was really great but it was too late.  The middle 40 minutes dragged like crazy.  It's a shame because I get a little excited whenever I come across an early 80s slasher flick I haven't seen before (or heard of). 

Funny People (2009)

Director: Judd Apatow

Writer: Judd Apatow

Composers: Michael Andrews, Jason Schwartzman

Staring: Adam Sandler, Seth Rogen, Leslie Mann, Eric Bana, Jonah Hill, Jason Schwartzman, Aubrey Plaza, Maude Apatow, Iris Apatow, RZA, Aziz Ansari, Torsten Voges, Allan Wasserman, Wayne Federman, James Taylor, Andy Dick, Budd Friedman, Carol Leifer, Paul Reiser, George Wallace, Norm MacDonald, Dave Attell, Sarah Silverman, Maggie Siff, Eminem, Ray Romano, Jon Brion, Justin Long

More info: IMDb

Tagline: George Simmons was prepared to die, but then a funny thing happened.

Plot: When seasoned comedian George Simmons learns of his terminal, inoperable health condition, his desire to form a genuine friendship cause him to take a relatively green performer under his wing as his opening act.

My rating: 8/10

Will I watch it again? Yes.

I'm a sucker for good stand-up comedy and comedians.  This pictures full of both and I loved it.  You get to see what Sarah Silverman's vagina looks like...

FINALLY, right?  I'm not a huge Sandler fan, as so many of his movies are juvenile comedies, but I think he's fantastic when he's more focused on making a good picture.  He gets better the closer he gets to drama.  The two and a half hour movie is almost precisely cut in half between George's (Sandler) diagnosis with a fatal disease and the aftermath with his rekindling an old romance with Laura (Mann).  At first it felt like it was getting long in the tooth but after a while I settled into it.  By the end I was completely satisfied.  I dig how Apatow makes pictures that do in atypical directions.  It makes the characters feel more realistic.  He takes comedy to another level you don't often see.  The relationship between George and Ira (Rogan) is great.  George clearly has problems dealing with people and it runs the gambit.  He can be charming and very funny one second and a total asshole the next.  You don't always know which way the wind is going to blow with this guy.

Rogen does a great job, too, and the supporting cast is wonderful.  The stand-up comedy scenes are funny but they're better in the context of the film.  There are a lot of laughs and there's a lot of heart in this picture.  Sandler was the perfect choice for the role and at the right age.  It wasn't surprising to learn after seeing it that Sandler and Apatow were roommates early on and this was written with him in mind.  It's a great flick that reminded me that it's been too long since I saw Sandler's excellent turn in PUNCH DRUNK LOVE (2002).  Has Sandler done other movies that approach the maturity of FUNNY PEOPLE?  I dig the guy but it's tough just seeing the trailers for stuff like JACK AND JILL (2011) et al.

Dirty O'Neil (1974)

Directors: Leon Capetanos, Lewis Teague

Writer: Leon Capetanos

Composer: Raoul Kraushaar

Starring: Morgan Paull, Art Metrano, Pat Anderson, Jeane Manson, Katie Saylor, Raymond O'Keefe, Tommy J. Huff, Bob Potter, Sam Laws, Liv Lindeland, Kitty Carl, Tara Strohmeier, Susan Mclver, Ella Edwards

More info: IMDb

Tagline: Women who make the kind of offer a Cop can't refuse! The public servant who serves ... and serves... and serves...

Plot:  A police officer has very little work as there is virtually no crime in his small California town...until three hoodlums appear and rape a young woman.

My rating: 6/10

Will I watch it again?  No.

Man, this guy gets more tail than James Bond. Seriously, EVERY chick he encounters wants him like he's the last man on earth. I have GOT to join the police force if this is going on.  Geez!  What looked like yet another silly 70s sex comedy turned out to be just that but shockingly not boring.  Sure, there's gratuitous nudity like you'd expect but you also get a bugnuts insane smackdown with the bad guys in the last few minutes that starts with a dude getting stabbed int he dick!

NICE!   It's not a particularly funny film but the actors are likable and the boobs flow like the Ganges River.  There are some unusual moments of seriousness like the above fight and the rape of the woman who works there.  I liked that aspect (the genre mixing, not the rape).  It makes it stand out among the plethora of silly 70s sex comedies.

They should dub the trailer with that great, deep voice-over guy..."In a world...where a goofy, Judge Reinhold-lookin' mother fucker can get any woman he wants.  All it takes is a badge...and a dick...Dirty O'Neil!"

Green Lantern (2011)

Director: Martin Campbell

Writers: Greg Berlanti, Michael Green, Marc Guggenheim, Michael Goldenberg

Composer: James Newton Howard

Starring: Ryan Reynolds, Blake Lively, Peter Sarsgaard, Mark Strong, Tim Robbins, Jay O. Sanders, Taika Waititi, Angela Bassett, Mike Doyle, Temuera Morrison, Geoffrey Rush, Michael Clarke Duncan, Clancy Brown

More info: IMDb

Tagline: One of us... becomes one of them.

Plot: A cocky test pilot, Hal Jordan (Reynolds), acquires superhuman powers when he is chosen by "the Ring", the willpower-fed source of power, of the Green Lantern Intergalactic Corps. He, reluctantly at first, takes on the challenges these superheroes face. Putting his self-doubts aside, and spurred on by his sense of duty and love for his beautiful, intellectually equal, colleague, Carol Ferris (Lively), he is soon called to defend mankind from Parallax, a super-powerful being who feeds on fear. He is the universe's last chance, as many Lanterns have been killed and the Corps is weakened. And he might just be the right Lantern for the job of keeping the world safe from harm.

My rating: 6.5/10

Will I watch it again? No.

I'd heard nothing but shit piled onto this one and the Blu-ray was sitting in my stack so what the hell.  It's not that bad, really.  I don't know what all the hubbub's about.  The special effects were great.  I LOVED the use of green.  Mark Strong as Sinestro was good.  I really wanted more of that character.  Reynolds did well in the role.  Sarsgaard was fun as Hector and I dug his descent into madness.  It's weird seeing Tim Robbins with white hair.  He was a welcome addition.  So was Angela Bassett.  She needs to be elevated to the A-list.  The story was pretty good, especially the first half hour.  There was a little drag in it but not much.  Campbell is a top notch director so it's at least going to be well-crafted.  By the end I was satisfied.  I heard they're making a new film but with a different lead character.  I hope they're going to do something fun with Sinestro and hopefully Strong will be back for that role. 

Mission: Impossible (1996)

Director: Brian De Palma

Writers: David Koepp, Steven Zaillian, Robert Towne

Composer: Danny Elfman

Starring: Tom Cruise, Jon Voight, Emmanuelle Beart, Henry Czerny, Jean Reno, Ving Rhames, Kristin Scott Thomas, Vanessa Redgrave, Ingeborga Dapkunaite, Dale Dye, Emilio Estevez

More info: IMDb

Tagline: Expect the Impossible

Plot: Secret agent Ethan Hunt is framed for the deaths of his espionage team. Fleeing from government assassins, breaking into the CIA's most impenetrable vault, clinging to the roof of a speeding bullet train, Hunt races like a burning fuse to stay one step ahead of his pursuers . . . and draw one step closer to discovering the shocking truth.

My rating: 7/10

Will I watch it again? Yeah.

There was a time when I REALLY didn't like Tom Cruise (it might have something to do with the ex-wife adoring him, beats me).  I haven't seen this since it opened in theaters and I had a bad taste in my mouth from it (that could have been from the ex, too, hee hee hee).  But something happened when I went back to the theater to see MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE 4: GHOST PROTOCOL (2011); Cruise wasn't the annoying fuck I remember and it was nice that the film focused on a team rather than mostly Cruise.  Anyway, this first one fared pretty this time.  It's a better story and film than I remembered.  De Palma's direction really helped a lot and Elfman's score was really nice.   I dug it.  It gets a little ridiculous with all of the twists and intricate plot lines that go on a bit too long.  Oh, how I long for the 1970s when thrillers were simpler and could still knock your socks off.  So, I suppose now I'll revisit the second film (I didn't like that one back then, either) and watch the third one for the first time (I'd given up after the first two, see).  At least I'll have Philip Seymour Hoffman to enjoy.  Ooh, Simon Pegg's in it.  Neat. And a score by Michael Giacchino! I love that guy.