Director: Edgar G. Ulmer
Starring: Robert Clarke, Margaret "Sally Gestated 9 Months Inside My Belly" Field, Raymond Bond & William Schallert
More Info: IMDB
Tagline: The WEIRDEST Visitor the Earth has ever seen!
Plot: To study a rogue planet heading for a near-miss with Earth, Prof. Elliot sets up an observatory on the foggy moors of a remote Scottish island, with his pretty daughter and Dr. Mears, a former student with a shady past. Soon after arrival of reporter John Lawrence, a ship from Planet X just happens to land near the observatory. Is the visitor (who actually looks alien) benevolent? What are Mears' real motives for trying to communicate with it?
My Rating: 6/10
Would I watch it again? Not likely, considering there are tons of films of this genre I've yet to see.
No it won't!
No it won't!
You lyin' sack of shit!
Cool title card lettering, huh? OK, so the trailer is hyperbolic. Aren't they all? When you slap in a low budget sci-fi flick from the 50s, like this one, you kind of know what you're getting into. Though this one's not knocking it out of the park, it does have some pretty cool things going for it that made it not such a time waster after all. And at 70 minutes, that's not much.
We start out with some narration by our hero reporter John Lawrence (Clarke) sitting down to write the most bizarre story a reporter has ever told. Cut to where it all began and we get a hefty dose of exposition about the whos, whys and wheres on his visit to Scotland.
This would be Planet XUpon his arrival he's picked up by Enid, the OLD-ASS Professor Elliot's jail-bait's daughter. Why is it with these kinds of films the professors, scientists, etc, are as old as the hills, with no wife but with a single child who is always a hot teenage girl? Seriously. Why can't there be a wife or that "special" someone on the side or something? I know the reasons. It bridges the generations, the old codger usually ends up thinking a little differently by the end of the picture (or he's seen the err of his ways), we need a young love interest, eye candy, something for the kiddies.
Alright, so it's on the drive that Enid slams John for not remembering her. It has been 6 years, after all and...
John: The last time I saw you, you were crying 'cause you had to go back to school; all gawky legs and buck teeth.Enid: I see you do remember me. Braces took care of the teeth.
John: And, uh, [he glances down on her] nature took care of the legs.
Nice, this guy doesn't waste time. Apparently he promised her, 6 years earlier, that when she grew up she'd be his gal. John's a genius. He's planted the seed and now it's time to harvest! Giggidy Giggidy Goo! She's barely legal for fuck's sake! Do you think there's a chance they're going to "do it"? Aw, hell no. Not even at the end of the picture do they end up together. He's going to be heading back to the States and he reminds her that her father will be sending her to California soon to get some research or something. So I guess they get together at some point, but not here. I'm looking way too much into this. Ugh.
We meet Enid's old-ass father and his assistant, Dr. Mears (a character actor most people will recognize by face, not by name - William Schallert), who has a questionable past. John's got issues with Mears but we don't know what. Maybe his manliness is threatened by a potential suitor for Enid. Nope. This guy did some time in the hoosgow for who-knows-what. We're never told but he's there because he was a former pupil of the Professor's. So now we've got the nefarious Mears as the bad guy of the picture. Gee, d'ya think he dies in the end?
Enid and John are taking a lovely stroll through the marsh surrounding the castle where the Professor does his experiments or whatever. It turns out that in just a couple of days or so there's this planet (we'll call it Planet X so as not to confuse anyone) that's on a near-collision course with earth. How? Why? Who? Fuck if I know or anyone in the film for that matter.
Well, when not getting all lovey-dovey they find what looks like a bomb of some sort. They go back to castle and everyone speculates. It must be from outer space. It's not long after that when Enid is out amongst the limitless sea of fog and discovers a kick-as space ship. And that space ship has a pilot. We'll call him The Man from Planet X, to be consistent. She's freaked out beyond belief and brings back John. Then John brings back the Professor. You get the idea.
When TMfPX exits the ship he puts the drop on John and the Professor. Looks like he hasn't come in piece. Although, looking at the poster, it looks like he's come for a piece. OH! In a neat little twist, TMfPX looks like his space suit air mix is leaking and he's reaching for a valve but hasn't the strength to turn it, causing him to fall slowly to the ground. John helps him by turning the valve and TMfPX is back on his feet. Like a found puppy TMfPX follows them home. Now he's a good alien.
Trying to communicate with every method they can think of, all seems lost as nothing is working. OK, so verbal isn't cutting it because, uh, well, um, TMfPX can't speak English. He emits different sounds but never uses his mouth on his hideously huge head. Sad sounds. The kind of sounds that make you feel sorry for the small fry. Sign language fails, too, but Mears has an idea that's sure to work. Geometry. WTF? If Bulbous-Head can't understand anything thus far, how the hell is he going to be able to communicate with shapes? Turns out...he can. This movie is so not realistic. Well, except for horndog John's interest in Enid, despite her name being...Enid.
John: Hey, Professor. You've lost me. I'm the shadowy figure in the left background with the stupid expression on his face. I don't get this mathematics.
Yeah, math is hard, huh?
Mears gets the formula from TMfPX for the lightweight metal compound the bomb-looking device was made of. He threatens TMfPX for more formulas by turning the valve that controls the air he breathes in his space suit. This part was really sad, actually. I felt really bad for the little guy. Nice job by the film makers in pulling off some unexpected emotion out of this thing.
Somehow TMfPX gets the strength to overtake Mears and it's splitsville. It turns out that spaceboy has a ray that, when shone on a human, turns people into zombies that are controlled by commands. He gets a few folks here and there to start fortifying the area immediately surrounding his ship. Something's up and we don't know what. Yarrrrrr.
John figures out how to defeat TMfPX. In a neat little twist, the mind controlled minions can be controlled by anyone, not just TMfPX. One by one, John sneaks around the ship, telling them to stop and walk away. They do. The military has been called in and they're about to blow the ship sky high at 11pm. It's at midnight, btw, that Planet X is expected to be at it's closest to Earth. Some think there's a connection, that the bomb-like device was one of many probes sent to different planets to test for atmosphere, and that TMfPX was sent ahead to make sure everything was peachy. So now he's considered a potential bad alien.
BAM! They blow the fuck out of TMfPX and his sweet ride.
Seconds later we see Planet X getting REALLY close to Earth and then heading for the hills as if the planet posse is hot on their tail. And I love how as it got closer to Earth, John and Enid cower against a rock facing, and everyone's hair is now blowing from the wind caused by Planet X swooshing by. Ha!
Yeah. We blew that thing to fuckall! We humans rule! Whatever. One of the things I really dig about this picture is that we never know if the inhabitants of Planet X were friendly or not. That debate could easily go either way. The characters in the film don't know and we don't know. Very nice.
It's not that bad of a film. I rather enjoyed quite a bit of it. but for the rest, it's somewhat plodding at times but not so much so that you're reaching for the remote. The actors do a fine job with what they've got and considering the film makers were working on a $50k budget and shot this thing in a week, they did better than most would have, I'm sure. That and I REALLY dig the alien. Yeah, it's a huge paper mache head, but it's also creepy and emotionless and it makes for better film than it probably deserved to be.
Oh, and Mears? He dies in the end.
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