Thursday, January 12, 2017

Diversions (1976)

AKA: Sex Express

Director: Derek Ford

Writer: Derek Ford

Starring: Heather Deeley, Derek Martin, Jacqui Rigby, Jeffrey Morgan, Terry Walsh, Timothy Blackstone, James Lister, Tim Burr, Tony Kenyon, Gilly Sykes, Christopher Gilbert

More info: IMDb

Plot: Imogene (Deeley) has been sentenced to a prison term and her two guards are escorting her via train.  Once in the carriage she starts having sexual fantasies.

My rating: 5.5/10

Will I watch it again?  No.

Ahhhhh, 70s porn.  British porn.  Porn that shows a woman seducing a man in a barn, being raped by American G.I.s during WWII, stabbing her lover and then spreading his blood over her naked body and masturbating with the dagger used in the incident while he lays dead and open-eyed beside her...

But wait, she's not done.  She takes a souvenir and a snack.

After she showers off,   So that was fun.  Then her dreams take her to a fancy night on the town (no dialogue) and picking up a swanky fancy-dressed dude to take back to her or his place for a right boring shag before reality sets in and she's back on the train.  Bored, her mind wanders into a fantasy about being an unexpected prostitute (it's complicated but it serves the fantasy very well).  Uh, oh!  We've got Nazis!  And lesbians!

Before things get too tense with Nazi-Lesbian negotiations, we move on to a story where she buys an antique camera, sets it up in her apartment, and frolics naked in front of it while it mysteriously takes pictures on its own.  Frightened, she scampers off to bed.  She awakens to find negatives hanging in the bathroom along with the creepy guy who sold her the camera.  She faints and dreams of being in an old fashioned 1910s stag film (as you would).

Finally the train ride is over and she's let go.  That didn't make sense at all and I felt robbed of an explanation.  Now the internet says director Ford made two versions, a 50 minute cut for the stuffy British audiences and an 87 minute X-rated cut (this one) for us mature porn purveyors in the good ole US of A (and Croatia).  I'm not sure about that Croatia thing.  Some of the hardcore bits are obviously spliced in while others feel right at home.  Look, it's OK at best.  The sex isn't all that good and the non-sex is what you'd expect which only serves to link the naughty bits into some semblance of a plot.  What stands out, though is that it's British and there's a variety to the scenarios that help push this to a little above average.

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