Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Soylent Green (1973)

Director: Richard Fleischer

Starring: Charlton Heston, Edward G. Robinson, Leigh Taylor-Young, Chuck Connors, Joseph Cotten, Brock Peters, Paula Kelly, Stephen Young, Mike Henry, Dick Van Patten

More info: IMDb

Tagline: What is the secret of Soylent Green?

Plot: In an overpopulated futuristic Earth, a New York police detective finds himself marked for murder by government agents when he gets too close to a bizarre state secret involving the origins of a revolutionary and needed new foodstuff.

My rating: 7/10

Will I watch it again? Yeah.

Ya know, I don't think there's anyone out there that plays 'annoyed asshole badass' as well as Charlton Heston (or Chuck as I and his close personal friends would lovingly called him). He seems to do it with such finesse and it's easy to see why. He was a badass and I'm sure that being at his level of badassicity brings with it a certain frustration in having to deal with idiots on a daily basis; idiots who couldn't possibly come close to kicking his ass. Remember that bible story about somebody picking up the jawbone of an ass and slaying a whole army with it or something? That was Chuck's jawbone. Seriously. Carbon date that sumbitch and see for yourself. I can't make this shit up. If you I can't prove it right now, it's only because the Vatican conspiracy pricks are covering up. But if there's one thing I've learned in all my years as a respected journalist, archaeologist, bio chemist, Middle Eastern diplomat, porn star and insurance adjuster is that those priests don't let go once they get their teeth into you. I remember years ago one of 'em came into the yard and attacked my little brother, Patches. Everyone was screaming like mad. I can still hear them. It was horrible. We did everything we could think of to get him off. We hit him with downed tree limbs, threw pine cones (even those heavy green ones covered in sap, the ones that haven't fully matured) turned the hose on 'im, kicked - the works. Finally someone had the crazy idea to dress up like the Pope and offer the guy a promotion. It worked. My little brother was dead by that point but the large check they gave us more than made up for it. That kid was a dipshit anyway. Besides, I got a Commodore 64 computer out of it. That was badass. I had the tape drive, dot matrix printer and a smokin' 300 baud modem. I was the shit. We quickly forgot Patches even existed. Oh yeah, SOYLENT GREEN? Great flick. Soylent Green is made out of people.

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