Sunday, January 9, 2011

The Teacher (1974)

Director: Howard Avedis

Starring: Angel Tompkins, Jay North, Anthony James

More info: IMDb

Tagline: Her best lessons were taught AFTER class!

My tagline: Dennis the Menace gets LAID! or Dennis the Menace loses his virginity to his next door neighbor and it ain't Mr. Wilson!

Plot: 18-year-old Sean's first summer after completing high school is much spent with 28-year-old teacher Diane, who's husband is too often motorcycle-racing instead of with her. Wacko Ralph also has "the hots" for Diane; and it doesn't help that Sean was with Ralph's younger brother, Lou, when Lou died.

My rating: 6/10

Will I watch it again? Nah.

#53 on Dusk to Dawn Drive-In Trash-o-Rama Show Vol. 1 (part of the TRAILER TRASH PROJECT)


For starters, that poster is not entirely truthful. Surprise! The only youth she corrupts is her 18-year-old-just-graduated-from-high-school next door neighbor. This is one of those pictures that was probably conceived with the ending fleshed out with nothing else in mind except a skeletal plot to get us there. The best parts of the film are the first fifteen minutes and the last fifteen.

There's something about dummies falling off of buildings that makes me laugh...

After the creepy ass Anthony James (as Ralph) accidentally kills his brother, he bullies Jay North (as Sean) into keeping it a secret or he'll blame him for it. North ends up having an affair with his hot teacher neighbor, Diane (played by Angel Tompkins), at the urging of his mother! So after the first fifteen minutes you get a love story for the next hour an ten with a little intrigue from James thrown into the mix. THEN the balls out awesome final act happens.

Fuck almighty that song is annoying and this isn't the only time you hear it, either.

After a fuck session, Sean answers Diane's phone and it's her soon to be ex husband saying he's coming back to work things out. Sean's justifiably bummed out but Ralph's waiting in Sean's van and forces him to drive to the warehouse from the beginning of the picture. Ralph strangles Sean (yep, he's really dead) and then Diane shows up on a hunch that they might be there. Ralph rapes Diane. She takes the sword he put down and kills Ralph with it. Then she goes over to Sean's limp body, cradles it and cries (no music at this point which was a very nice touch). Roll end credits over continued silence. Nice! I will say this, even though it was 109 minutes long and much of it was a love story of sorts, I didn't really get bored which was a shocker. If you want to see TVs Dennis the Menace all growed up with a place to go and you want to see your hot high school teacher naked, then this is for you.


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    The Smoking Cupcake

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