X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009)

Director: Gavin Hood

Starring: Hugh Jackman, Liev Schreiber, Danny Huston, Will i Am/An Actor i Ain't, Dominic "Hobbit" Monaghan, Ryan Reynolds

More Info: IMDB

Tagline: (here's what it should be) At least it's better than X3!

Plot: Wolverine lives a mutant life, seeks revenge against his half brother Victor Creed (who will later become Sabertooth) for the death of his girlfriend, and ultimately ends up going through the mutant Weapon X program.



My Rating: 6/10

Would I watch it again? Maybe. It's not THAT bad. It's not that good, either.

I've just about given up on Hollywood. X-MEN was great! X-MEN 2 was even better! X-MEN 3 was such a let-down that I pissed myself in a crowded theater and I didn't even care 'cause I was too depressed. So how was X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE?


I noticed that the reviews were in the shit house and, as a result, I lowered my expectations to below the basement. I had two free tickets so I took a good friend of mine to hold my hand in case it got ugly (it didn't, btw, so the hand-holding wasn't necessary) and I had some coupons for free corn. That's where my head was. I was lubed and ready for the ass-rape I was anticipating on opening night.

It wasn't that bad, really; the movie, not the ass-raping. Jackman has enough charisma and screen presence that he carries the picture. Schreiber was fun as were many of the cast. I'll say this, don't get attached to any of them because, just as you get to like some, THEY DIE! WHAT THE BLOODY FUCK?

Let's forget about character development because most of the characters don't last long enough to develop genital herpes at a KISS concert. The script is, at times, pretty weak. But that's OK since Hugh Jackman's the man. There are so many by-the-numbers plot devices thrown in I thought I was watching a student film on how NOT to make a movie. Michael Bay's made a career out of that. But that's another story.


I mean, Hey! How did Wolfy get that badass leather jacket and motorcycle for example? Easy, in his short stint as a mountain streaker he comes across an elderly couple on their farm. Apparently they had a son once who obviously no longer needs this leather jacket and in the barn there's a PRISTINE vintage (granted I think their in the 1970s at this point) early 1960s motorcycle that's just sitting there, uncovered, surrounded by nothing else that looks like it should be in a barn. It's only there to give The Wolfman a means to quickly exit as the barn explodes. Granted, it was the coolest barn explosion these eyes have seen, but still...

It's shit like that that permeates throughout but, I have to admit, it was kind of fun. Despite its flaws, and there are plenty, it's fun and I wasn't bored. Maybe, just maybe, in ten years when I've forgotten how bad X3 was, I might just keep going after watching 1 & 2 and watch 3 and this one. I'm certainly in less of a hurry than the studio and film makers who are making a bee line to the bank to cash in on easy dough they made on this thing.

Oh, and about that whole thing with a work print leaking months before the film was released? I had access to it but there's no way I'm going to watch a spectacle film like this, unfinished, at home. Giant Flaming Turd or no Giant Flaming Turd, it needs to be seen on the big screen. So screw you Hollywood. If you spent more time making a product worth watching than worrying about piracy you'd be giving more people a reason to get of their lazy asses and go to the theater.

Well, at least this was better than X-3...but not by much. We deserve better than this.