Sunday, April 13, 2008

Star Wars: Episode 2 - Attack of the Clones (2002)

Director: George Lucas

Starring: Actors with contractual obligations

More Info: IMDB

Tagline: A Jedi Shall Not Know Anger. Nor Hatred. Nor Love. Nor Acting Skills.

Plot: Anakin Skywalker shares a forbidden romance with Padmé Amidala while his teacher, Obi-Wan Kenobi, makes an investigation of a separatist assassination attempt on Padmé which leads to the discovery of a secret Republican clone army.

My Rating: 6/10

Would I watch it again? Possibly

After re-watching (for the last time) THE PHANTOM MENACE a couple of weeks ago and this one last week I just can't wrap my brain around how Lucas wrote such lousy dialogue. I can't spend much time on this one. I really need to move on so here's the skinny:

- Truly horrible acting by Christensen, Portman and, sometimes, Jackson - it's the worst acting I've seen from Jackson. I blame that on Lucas. Christensen almost single-handily brings this film down with his amateurish high school performance.

"Waaaaaaaaaa. I want my bottle."

- McGregor does a good job with what he has but REALLY shines in Ep. 3. Lee kicks ass as does McDiarmid (who OWNS Ep.3.)

- Lucas' lame dialogue is all through this thing. Like Ep.1 this one is pretty but laden with childish dialogue and acting. Imagine being on a first date with an intelligent and attractive woman (or man) who you'd really like to get to know better but she has a very irritating laugh and picks her nose without shame. That's this movie.

- Jango & Boba Fett kick ass and I'd REALLY like to see some adventures based on these two characters as Boba grows up without having Jango die in this one, of course. Their relationship and chemistry was fun to watch. Too bad it's all over now.

"Badass Sr. & Badass Jr."

- The assembly line sequence and the arena sequence seemed completely unnecessary and more like video game fodder than anything that helped the story along.

- I REALLY liked the few times where the CGI was used to create older "film" techniques like the focused foreground and out of focus background. It probably stand out more because the rest of the film is so CGI clean and pretty in comparison.

- It's not nearly as bad as Ep.1 but then it does have Jar Jar.

- There is NO FUCKING WAY anyone, and I mean ANYONE, would allow that dipshit of an abortion, Jar Jar, to represent them in a governing position much less holding their place in line at a Burger King while going to the bathroom. Inexcusable. This could have been handled in a much more mature way by having Palpatine manipulate someone with intelligence. Hey, Pap's a charming, smart guy. We would easily be able to see how that could happen. You don't have to put arms and legs on a fungus-covered turd and say, "he did it" for us to get it.

"Ooooh, pretttttyyyy"

This is probably my 4th or 5th viewing (I know, I know - I'm in denial) and it seemed better to me this time than it had before but I can't help but think that if the two issues of acting and cheesy dialogue were cleaned up it would actually be a very good film. We'll always have STAR WARS and EMPIRE.

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