Beowulf (3D) (2007)

Director: Robert Zemeckis

Starring: Ray Winstone, Robin Wright Penn, Anthony Hopkins, and that hideous Angelina Jolie

More Info: IMDB

Tagline: Face your demons

Plot: The warrior Beowulf must fight and defeat the monster Grendel who is terrorizing towns, and later, Grendel's mother, who begins killing out of revenge.







My Rating: 8/10

Would I watch it again? Hell, yeah

WOW! I love 3-D and I'm so glad it's making a comeback and in a huge way. But I'm not going to get into that. I've got a lot to say about the film but even still, I'm going to hold back the gushing.

I loved it. The casting was great (except for Jolie), the animation was great (with the exception of the horses galloping which looked cartoonish), the music BLEW ME AWAY (I've been a fan of Alan Silvestri since the 80s and with this one he knocks it out of the park), the exterior shots were freaking amazing, the dragon was unbelievable and then ending...Nice!

I've been a huge fan of Ray Winstone since I saw him in SEXY BEAST (2000) a few years back. His voice was pitch perfect for Beowulf and he kicks all kinds of animated ass. Grendal, the troll, was a very nice creation but he did look a tad too sympathetic. I feel for the position he's been put into and for his story so I don't need to "see" it on screen. The emotion's there already.

OK, I can't stand Angelina Jolie. I think she's unattractive and has gotten by on her looks for far too long. Those lips have got to go. She's got a great body but the neck-up thing just weirds me out, man. When we and Beowulf get to see all of her for the first time she's either wearing high heel shoes or she's got a spike that juts out, pressing her heel 8 inches above her toes as if she's wearing high heels. That was just fucking retarded. She's a sea-nymph-ghost-lip-thing or something of the sort. I can't stand to relive it. Moving on...

A lot has been said about Beowulf's nude fight scene. I thought it was original and, knowing Beowulf's conceit I could buy into it. The only thing that bothered me was that after several minutes of objects conveniently blocking out his package I couldn't help but laugh every time it happened and that bothered me. It's a great fight sequence and I didn't like being removed from it for some cheap laughs.

About halfway through it seems our story is over as Beowulf has met his objective but it turns out there's a lot more. At first it was strange because it really felt like the movie was over but I soon got used to it and I really dug where the story went from that point on.

The big fight at the end with the dragon was shit-hot cool and that's that. And then there's the ending. I'm not going to spoil any of it. All I have to say is Zemeckis has giant brass-covered motion-captured animated balls. There's barely any sound and the camera just sits on a character's face for what felt like 10-15 seconds and maybe longer. What happens? I've got my strong suspicion but I'm not going to spill it. Just ask.

AND THEN THE BOTTOM DROPS OUT OF THE FUCKING SKY and some retarded pop song starts as the credits roll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Are they that fucking desperate to sell god damned records? WTF? I will say this, as soon as I get my hands on the DVD I'm going to author my own DVD and substitute that song with something else. Here we have an absolutely beautiful quiet moment that you wouldn't expect in a Hollywood film, much less an animated Hollywood film, and they ruin it with noise!!! A fucking pop song at that!!! Oh, I'm so pissed. If not going for some of the quieter somber cues from the score they could have at least (and this is what I'm going to change the pop song with) used Penn's rendition of the song we heard earlier with just her and a lute. They hurt a beautiful scene and it's the last scene of the film. Morons.

Other than that, the film's fantastic. Treat yourself and see it in 3-D and be sure to take an extra pair of pants.