Wilderness (2006)

Director: Michael J. Bassett

Writer: Dario Poloni

Composer: Mark Thomas

Starring: Sean Pertwee, Alex Reid, Toby Kebbell, Stephen Wight, Luke Neal, Ben McKay, Lenora Crichlow, Karly Greene, Adam Deacon, Richie Campbell, Stephen Don, John Travers, George Shane, Gordon Fulton, John Rea

More info: IMDb

Tagline: Don't go down to the woods today.

Plot: A group of juvenile delinquents are forced to fight for their lives after being sent the forest for an exercise in teamwork and tracked by a crossbow-wielding madman with a pack of flesh-eating dogs.

My rating: 7.5/10

Will I watch it again? Yes.

I LOVE it when a film goes in directions I don't see coming.  And I love the scenario where someone or something is hunting humans in the woods.  Once this flick drops the kids on the island, it's fucking on.  One by one they are picked off and you don't know the who or how.  It's so unexpected and the kills are awesome.  There are some great gore effects, too.  With the exception of one male and the three females, every character is a bad person which makes the kills that much more deserving.  That changes the dynamic right there.  The killer was a nice surprise. Director Bassett did a wonderful job with the suspense and action.  There wasn't a dull moment.  He's only directed four feature films and now I've seen them all.  I've really enjoyed his work except for SILENT HILL: REVELATION 3D (2012).  That was horrible but SOLOMON KANE (2009) and DEATHWATCH (2002) were lots of fun. Find this one and watch it.  It's currently on Neflix instant.

Golden Needles (1974)

Director: Robert Clouse

Writers: S. Lee Pogostin, Sylvia Schneble

Composer: Lalo Schifrin

Starring: Joe Don Baker, Elizabeth Ashley, Ann Southern, Jim Kelly, Burgess Meredith, Roy Chiao, Frances Fong, Tony Lee, Alice Fong, Sonny Barnes, Pat E. Johnson, Edgar Justice

More info: IMDb

Tagline: Whoever owns them can rule the world

Plot: Various factions are fighting each other to gain possession of a very special statue. The statue itself is not worth much, the needles inside it are the true prize. These "golden needles" hold extraordinary and unique properties, if inserted in the right positions in a man he will gain super sexual prowess, if placed incorrectly he dies.

My rating: 5.5/10

Will I watch it again? No.

This should have been much better.  I like Joe Don Baker.  He's not that bad in this but when you saddle his likable-yet-not-very-charismatic persona with a middle of the road action thriller that's light on action, you get something that's stale and largely lifeless.  There's not much action; not nearly as much as you'd expect, especially when you've got director Robert "ENTER THE DRAGON (1973)" & "BLACK BELT JONES (1974)" Clouse behind the camera.  BBJ wasn't great by any stretch but it was loaded with crazy fights featuring Jim Kelly who's hardly in this picture and he's only in one action sequence.  Elizabeth Ashley is fun.  I really like her and I'm surprised I haven't seen more of her movies.  Burgess Meredith always brightens up any picture he's in.  The foot chase at the end was good but it's too little too late.  By the time it was over I'd been ready for the credits for half the picture.  The thing is, it looks great and Lalo Shifrin's score works well.  I guess it'd be like meeting someone who's attractive and looks intriguing on the surface but as soon as you get to know them you realize they're not all that interesting and you can tell this is going to be a very short relationship.

Porn Wars (1999)

Director: Alexander Gardiner

Writer: ???

Composer: ???

Starring: Trevor Phillips, Derek Botham, Elizabeth Coldwell, Angela Hooper, Al Needham, Laurence O'Toole, Steve Perry, Donna Richardson, Louise Ross, Michael Rutt, Kenny Rye, Carl Snitcher, Clive Sullivan, Kevin Swayne, Rex Swift, Andreas Whittam Smith, Nigel Wingrove

More info: IMDb

Plot: This episode of THE LONDON PROGRAMME takes a look at the British porn industry, just as hardcore sex films were about to become legal.

My rating: 7/10

Will I watch it again? No.

It's funny watching older documentaries that in some way focus on technology.  There's a bit where this guy...

says he doesn't see how porn can make money on the internet. Hilarious.  Later he verifies that statement by saying people only look at the free content on their websites and leave as soon as they're asked to pay.  Fair enough. 

I love that the BBC allows nudity in their programming, especially in documentaries about the porn industry.  This one's only 50 minutes long and it covers a lot of ground in how the industry in Britain is censored.  It's utterly ridiculous that in 1999 hardcore pornography, in print and video, was not allowed.  I gather it's different now but gee whiz.  I thought they, along with the rest of Europe, were ahead of the curve on such things.  We even get to hear about Nigel Wingrove and his difficulties releasing his Nunsploitation pictures like SACRED FLESH (2000).  But, hey, we don't watch these things to learn, do we?  (OK, I do...really).  We watch them for the lovely works of art. (That, too).

Ride Hard, Ride Wild (1971)

Director: Lee Frost

Writers: Lennart Nielsen, Dahl Kristensen

Composer: Daniel Sydow

Starring: Brigit Kroyer, John Keith, Nicke Bjurstrom, Ake Nordenskiold, Ray Sebastian, Sue Peters, Wes Bishop, Donna Young

More info: IMDb

Plot: A professional bike racer who is disfigured in a crash blames his rival for his accident. He takes his revenge by kidnapping him and uses his girlfriend for his carnal pleasures.

My rating: 3/10

Will I watch it again? No.

Holy cow.  Here's what you get for 68 minutes...

That's not far from the truth.  There's tons of nudity and it's cut with scenes from the motorcycle trials in preparation for the big competition.  The VHS quality print I watched was pretty dark at times so the nudity (most all of it shot at night) is dark and difficult to see.  What's more, it's boring.  I know, right?  Boring boobs?  Get out of here.  But they are after about two minutes.  The ending is abrupt and idiotic.  SPOILERS...the girlfriend kills one of the captors with a shotgun and she gets away with her boyfriend.  As they're driving down the road the surviving bikers pass them, giving them dirty looks.  When the girl asks if they should be worried the dude calms her by saying essentially the bikers learned their lesson and they won't be bothering them any longer.  W...T...F?  Don't waste your time. At least this was released by Something Weird Video and the rest of the two hours on the tape was filled with vintage 70s porn trailers, most of which were FAR more entertaining than this mess.  And I like Lee Frost's movies, too.  From what I can gather, this was a Danish film that he re-dubbed.  I can't find anything more about this picture.  I'm not going to waste any more time with it, either.

Time After Time (1979)

Director: Nicholas Meyer

Writers: Karl Alexander, Steve Hayes, Nicholas Meyer

Composer: Miklos Rozsa

Starring: Malcolm McDowell, David Warner, Mary Steenburgen, Chalres Cioffi, Kent Williams, Andonia Katsaros, Patti D'Arbanville, James Garrett, Keith McConnell, Leo Lewis, Byron Webster

More info: IMDb

Tagline: The Wildest Chase of the Century!

Plot: H.G. Wells has just invented a time machine but hasn't tried it out yet. When he discovers that one of his friends is actually Jack the Ripper, Jack makes his escape using the time machine. Herbert follows Jack into the late 1970's where he meets Amy, a bank clerk, who teaches Herbert about life in 70's while they pursue Jack, who is enjoying the more violent society in which he continues his murderous activities.

My rating: 8/10

Will I watch it again? Yes.

I love this movie.  I mean, you've got Malcolm McDowell AND David Warner? Sold!  Mary Steenburgen is all kinds of awesome.  It's a great story, too, and it's handled really well by Nicholas STAR TREK II: THE WRATH OF KHAN (1982) Meyer.  Miklos Rozsa's old Hollywood score works beautifully bridging the two time periods.  It's a really fun flick but don't think too hard because all Wells (McDowell) had to do to avoid all of this is obvious...just go back in time to one day before Stevenson (Warner) steals the time machine.  But then, that'd be a really short movie.

Gunslinger's Revenge (1998)

Original title: Il Mio West

Director: Giovanni Veronesi

Writers: Vincenzo Pardini, Giovanni Veronesi, Leonardo Pieraccioni

Composer: Pino Donaggio

Starring: Leonardo Pieraccioni, Harvey Keitel, David Bowie, Sandrine Holt, Alessia Marcuzzi, Jim va der Woude, Yudii Mercredi, Michelle Gomez, Kwame Kwei-Armah, Stephen Jenn, Rosalind Knight

More info: IMDb

Tagline: The Gunfighters Who Rocked The West.

Plot: The idealistic lifestyle of an old West farmer, his Indian wife and half-breed son, who narrates the tale, is disrupted when his grandfather, an old gunslinger, shows up on the farm. Although looking to retire, the family is not happy with his return, given his past lifestyle and mistreatment of his family. Things get worse when another gunfighter shows up and terrorizes the town, trying to force the father into a gun fight.

My rating: 6/10

Will I watch it again? No.

OK, first the good.  It's nicely shot by Luis Alcaine, a long time collaborator with Pedro Almodovar.  The Italian locations work very well as a stand in for the American West.  There are no original characters in this film but that's perfectly OK.  David Bowie looks like he's having a ball playing an evil gunslinger, Jack Sikora, who's bent on killing the current top gun dog, Johnny Lowen (Harvey Keitel).  Keitel does a fine job I reckon but he's not giving his all.  Those two cats and the scenery are the reasons to watch it.  So I guess you could say the bad and the ugly of this picture is the acting outside of those two dudes.  It's horrible.  The opening narration by the kid was a bad start and it got worse once his father was introduced.  Pino Donaggio's score is hit and miss.  There's one quiet moment where he nailed the cue that felt right out of a 60s Spaghetti Western.  But that's only one track out of many that felt almost out of place among the tracks that didn't feel at home, as if perhaps three composers were given sections of the film to write for.  I guess I'm trying to say it was uneven.  The story is OK.  You can take an average plot and turn it into something special with the other elements of picture making but it helps to have a good one.  I'll have to keep looking.  The ending was a surprise and unexpected so that's a bonus.  There's not an awful lot going for this film but what is there is good.

Bad Channels (1992)

Director: Ted Nicolaou

Writers: Charles Band, Jackson Barr

Composer: Blue Oyster Cult

Starring: Robert Factor, Martha Quinn, Aaron Lustig, Michael Huddleston, Roumel Reaux, Paul Hipp, Rodney Ueno, Sonny Carl David, Charlie Spradling, Steve Tietsort, Ron Keel, Alex Bookston

More info: IMDb

Tagline: Killer music.  Alien airwaves.

Plot: An alien lands in a small town and promptly takes over the local radio station. The disk jockey, Dan O' Dare, well known for his publicity stunts, becomes a hostage. The alien uses the radio station and Dan's amused audience to target and subsequently shrink women for his collection.

My rating: 6.5/10

Will I watch it again? No.

If this had come out in the mid-80s, I would have eaten this up.  It's not that bad.  With a fun concept and story mixed with some good acting (for what it is) including the scrummy original MTV VJ, Martha Quinn, some gore and creature effects with a score by Blue Oyster Cult, you've got yourself 88 minutes of goofy fun.  Too bad they didn't sleaze it up a bit.  That would have made it the horror/comedy/exploitation picture people are clamoring for.