Starring: Jamie Lee Curtis, Brad Loree, Busta Rhymes, Bianca Kajlich, Sean Patrick Thomas, Daisy McCrackin, Katee Sackhoff, Luke Kirby, Thomas Ian Nicholas, Ryan Merriman, Tyra Banks
Tagline: Michael Myers is back...and he's ready to clean house!
Plot: Three years after he last terrorized his sister, Michael Myers confronts
her again, before traveling to Haddonfield to deal with the cast and
crew of a reality show which is being broadcast from his old home.
My rating: 4.5/10
Will I watch it again? No.
SPOILERS AHEAD!!! YARRRRRRRR!
I fucking LOVE the first fifteen minutes with Jamie Lee Curtis' literal kiss goodbye!
Well, that is until 2018 when the Hollywood showed up at her house with the Brinks truck, shoveling sweet green leafy spendy monies onto her front lawn. The end of that opening pre-credits sequence was dumb as fuck and I loved it! The rest of the movie was just full of stupid. One of the few things that I liked was seeing Katee Sakhoff in an early role. She's got charisma that helps the picture but not enough to save it. The music? I guess it worked. I can't remember anything about it one way or the other. There's so much dumb shit in this thing like how the six participants have shitty cameras that look horrible to us but are crystal clear on the in-movie bank of monitors. Cutting between the horribly fuzzy video from those cameras to the actual movie footage was annoying and distracting. I was ready for this picture to end halfway through but I persisted since I'm determined to get through the rest of this series. I can see why this movie was the last one until 2007. Since I've seen the two Rob Zombie pictures (which I really enjoyed), it's the 2018 film next and then I'll sit down and remember something about HALLOWEEN KILLS (2021) which I watched a couple of weeks ago. After that I'll wash my hands of all this and move onto something else.
Plot: Merle Hench (Eric Roberts) is an enforcer for a mob outfit. He's set up to take the fall for a multi-million dollar heist of a rival mob boss. Merle's luck turns as he survives the trap and winds up with a piece of the take and the girl. He might have been content to just disappear, but the betrayal of his twenty years of loyalty snapped something inside.
My rating: 4/10
Will I watch it again? No.
Stuntman turned writer/director, Jesse V. Johnson, directed eight pictures before this one. I'd say that's a lot. I'm surprised because this is a REALLY long 95 minute flick. It's so fucking slow. The music score is mostly a slow, steady electronic beat, the kind you get when someone is on a heist and they're being super stealthy. That makes the movie even longer. Everything about this is so casual in its pacing that it almost feels like you're in one of those dreams where you're running but it's in slow motion and you can barely move. I wonder why it's like this because it certainly doesn't have to be.
The cast does an OK job. Roberts doesn't give up the cool tough guy routine for a moment (which gets laughably old). That slows things down since he's giving a one-note performance. That's OK if you dig the tune but it's the combination of everything else in this that the total weighs it down. There is a good deal of slow motion. Scenes are too long and the ending is really stretched out. Around an hour into this I thought it was wrapping up and I was only two-thirds in. Ugh. I'm trying to be positive here and I don't mean to come of like an angry guy who just says, "It sucks!" about movies and leaves it at that. This would be an interesting project to give to people to play with the editing and the music and see how much better this could be. I'm not saying this needs to move at a break neck speed but this picture is unnecessarily slow.
Tagline: There's More To The Legend Than Meets... The Throat!
Plot: Russian soldiers accidentally unleash the servant of Dracula, as well as
his dog, during excavations of Romania. Together, they set out for
America, to find the last descendant of the great Count.
My rating: 4/10
Will I watch it again? No.
Jesus! Enough with the dog whining, already! Everywhere you turn, dogs are whining and it gets old fast. The premise is ridiculous and the film makers went the straight route instead of embracing the goofy story and have fun with it. It's slow enough that you'll be banging your head halfway through when you find out your only halfway through. The dog kills aren't nearly as convincing as they should be. More time could've been spent editing something better. Once you get past Zoltan being a vampire and after he bites and kills other dogs, they come back to life. This sounds like winning fun but it isn't. It drags. We're told that Michael (Patakai) is Dracula's last living heir but Michael has a young son, so there's that. The music is as bland as Jose Ferrer's performance. He phones it in on someone else's dime. At least it's got the Euro horror stalwart, Reggie Nalder. That guy's unique mug is perfect for these pictures. The ending is soso. The dogs are killed and that's that. This low budget affair isn't even worthy of a group watch with the liquor sauce flowing. I feel zapped enough of energy as it is after watching it.
Plot: Johnny Texas is asked to inquire about the death of Prescott, a rich
landowner accused of having robbed a postal wagon. His investigation
upsets Prescott's neighbor, Martin, who will use all possible means to
stop him.
My rating: 4/10
Will I watch it again? No.
Ugh, was this slow and boring and it took about twenty minutes of it before I realized that this probably wasn't going to get better but I stuck to it. Every aspect of this was just below average. Even Johnny Texas' multiple disguises and trick weapons/props (like his crutch with a built-in gun) didn't help much. The disguises were high school theater quality. The bad guys were morons for not seeing through them. This picture smacks of low rent at every turn. The comic relief from the mute and the dwarf are too broadly played (as was the norm back then) and the horrible "funny" music in those scenes makes it more excruciating. The audible noise was too much, man. I'm a big Spaghetti Western fan and this is one of the many that needs to be avoided.
Starring: Robert Lansing, Lisa Langlois, Franc Luz, Terri Treas, Stephen Davies, Diana Bellamy, Jack Collins, Nancy Morgan, Jeff Winkless, Steve Tannen, Heidi Helmer
Tagline: Roaches have never tasted flesh... until now. She's just an appetizer.
Plot: A biological experiment goes haywire when
meat-eating mutant roaches invade an island community, terrorizing a
peaceful New England fishing village and hideously butchering its
citizens.
My rating: 4/10
Will I watch it again? No.
Maybe this is one of those movies that, when being made, it seemed like a good idea at the time. This low budget flick looks great in widescreen and there are some good performances but that's about all I can think of that I liked about it. This isn't without some lessor acting. Terri Treas overacts her ass off as Dr. Hubbard. She would've been great if the rest of the film followed her lead and went total camp and ineptitude. But it didn't and this is what we've stuck with. The synthesizer score is your standard low budget fare which hurts. The biggest problem with this flick is that it's too slow. 90 minutes is far too much for this. Almost from the beginning people are dying from these mutated roaches (that make a loud radioactive sizzle sound but only when the characters see them and not before). An hour into this most of the town has been killed and the recently resigned Sheriff Johnson goes to Dr. Hubbard and threatens her to do something about it. Wow, now there's only thirty minutes left for the skeleton crew of a cast to get picked off one by one until we're left with whoever's left. And you pretty much know who's going to snuff it and who's going to survive. I don't mind by-the-numbers scripts, bad acting, adequate special effects and so on because you can still have an enjoyable movie with some or all of those ingredients. This isn't one of them.
Plot: Spunky and precocious high school senior Mindy Evans spurns her decent,
but frustrated boyfriend Bill and has a fling with hunky married nice
guy teacher Jack Thompson. Midy finds out that she might be pregnant.
While waiting for the results of her pregnancy test, Mindy decides to
alleviate the tension by embarking on an impromptu road trip to Big Sur,
California with her loyal best gal pal Sandy.
My rating: 4/10
Will I watch it again? No.
This coming of age-ish picture feels like it's happening in real time. That is, IT'S WAY TO FUCKING LONG! Take a high school teenage drama, add some sex & nudity, students banging teachers and each other, drugs, road trips, bad news bikers, hippies and a shitload of car/bike traveling and montages and you'd think you'd have a fun exploitation flick. Nope. It's a light drama that dips its toe into exploitation but it ends up being plain ole boring. About halfway through the picture, Mindy decides to take a road trip now that she's just turned 18 and thinks she's pregnant with her teacher's baby.
So she and her friend take off in a dune buggy, pick up a hitchhiker Mindy recognizes, run out of gas, get picked up by some no good bikers and get mixed up in lots of nasty things. So halfway through the drama it wants to be something different. The problem is, the movie just got a lot bigger and longer. Add in A LOT of montages, many of them traveling, and some bad pop music. The only reason I gave this a shot is because it's Bruno Kirby's first moveie.
He's fun and he has a decent sized role being a first timer and all. I can't believe this movie is almost an hour and forty minutes long. It should've ended much sooner. It wouldn't have been difficult to have made this into two movies. There was probably enough footage to do it. And to make sure that everyone who stuck it out until the end knew they were still watching the same movie, writer/director bookends the film as it started, with a groovy school dance. OK, it's not exactly a horrible movie but it's just overlong by a lot and it's heavily padded. Your mileage may vary.
Plot: A woman walking home late at night is attacked by an unknown assailant
who knocks her out with chloroform. When she regains consciousness, she
finds herself tied to a bed in a blood- spattered dungeon, at the mercy
of a white-faced man in a samurai helmet who wants to turn her into a
"flower of blood and flesh." He then proceeds to slowly dismember and
disembowel her as the camera records it all.
My rating: 4/10
Will I watch it again? No.
The picture's only a 43 minutes long and in the first 14, a woman is kidnapped off the street, gagged and tied to a bed, the kidnapper severs the head off a chicken onto her, gives her a shot and prepares to get down to business. That's a long time to devote to what little setup is needed and it illustrates part of the problem with this movie. But then again, you don't watch this series for the plot. It's all about the realistic gore effects. Meet your host for the evening...
You should check out his Tinder profile.
Our samurai host talks to the audience and assures us that she's going to dig being dismembered so we shouldn't feel bad about it. Let's dig in, shall we?
Hmmmm. Well that was...that. There's still 9 minutes left. What's left? Spending 6 minutes glimpsing into his trophy room (of sorts) with probably what amounts to stuff from other films by the filmmakers or things cut from them. And it finally wraps with 3 minutes of end credits. So how was it? Boring. If you'd asked me in 1985 when I was 16 I would've told you it was fucking awesome. This uncut version released on DVD by Unearthed Films is the way to go but be warned that quality is that of a dimly lit, shot on video movie. The pictures here convey how dark it is. You don't get a good look at how well done the gore is although you can at least see that it was good enough. That it's slow, not much happens and it's difficult to see the goods is enough to keep me from continuing with any of the other films in the series unless someone gives me a decent recommend on one. I've know about this series for more than twenty years and now that I finally saw one, I'm disappointed to say the least. Sometimes notoriety is best appreciated the closer you are to a film's escape unto the world. The DVD comes with a making of feature which is the exact same length as the movie as well as text interviews with the director, an original F&B manga, gallery, text history of the series and trailers for these two films and for five others in the same vein.
Plot: A film inspired by the true story of Ed Kemper, a serial killer who
murdered ten in Santa Cruz, CA during the late sixties and early
seventies.
My rating: 4/10
Will I watch it again? No.
Woof. If you know anything about the man, Kemper, then you won't recognize much from this direct to video movie. "Inspired by" is to be used very loosely. That's the first disappointment. The second is the acting and the seemingly lack of locations. A lot of locations get used enough to draw attention to themselves. I get there are budget restraints but geez. OK, so that's three disappointments. The acting, especially from Stapleton, is lacking and that's being kind. This picture has a few big problems but at least there's some good gore effects. Fans of true crime will be very disappointed in how far the filmmakers stray from the actual and much more interesting story of Ed Kemper. This picture isn't even set in the 60s through the early 70s when the crimes took place. The only reason the title and character in this picture exists is for name recognition. Give this one a pass. There's so little to like that it's not worth your time. The Lionsgate DVD offers the film in anamorphic widescreen with the only extras with the non-anamorphic widescreen trailer for this film and n-a trailers for other like-minded Lionsgate films.
Starring: Richard Burton, Rex Harrison, Michael Rogers, Royston Starr, Jake Kavanagh, Dermot Kelly, Gordon Heath, Cathleen Nesbitt, Avril Angers, Neil Wilson, Shelagh Fraser, Gwen Nelson, Pat Heywood, Beatrix Lehmann, Stephen Lewis, Katya Wyeth
Plot: Charles Dyer and Harry Leeds are a couple that have been living together
for nearly 20 years. Both earn a living as hairdressers in the West End
of London and both care deeply for their mothers, but not each other as
time apart takes its toll on their relationship when Harry has to care
for his invalid mother who snips at him every chance she gets.
My rating: 4.5/10
Will I watch it again? No.
I thought having Harrison & Burton together in one movie camping it up queer eye for the Shakespeare guy style would be amusing to say the least. Nope. I was bored for most of the picture. I can kind of see what would've attracted these two acting powerhouse to do this picture but it just falls flat from start to finish. The pair have a little chemistry at times but it's mostly so harsh and bland that I wanted them to break up and see other people. Harrison looks to be having more fun with it. It's based on Dyer's play so there's a stagey-ness about it but that's not the problem, at least I don't think. The pacing is slow and that's to be expected in a slice of life kind of film this is but the thing is, I didn't much care about either of these two because they didn't show much love for each other and they're just so mean-spirited. That kind of behavior gets old and real fast. Add to that the longish running time of 96 minutes and you're going to be one bored cat. WHO'S AFRAID OF VIRGINIA WOOLF (1966) this ain't. You'd think watching two aging queens going at each other for an hour and a half would be fun but this picture proves it can be painful and depressing and not that fun kind of depressing, either.
Starring: Shayan Bayat, Meghan Kinsley, Travis Turner, Adrian Daniels, Laura Hope, Jessica Hill, Chris J. Clements, James Lawson, Halie Hunter, Jim Hunter
Tagline: He's not just hunting eggs... he's hunting YOU.
Plot: Twenty years ago, young Peter McKay watched his father decapitate his
sister on Easter morning. Peter never celebrated the Easter holiday
again... until now.
My rating: 4/10
Will I watch it again? No.
Everything about this holiday retro-slasher is just below average. The gore is simplistic which also relies on computer generated camera lens blood spatter, the acting is as you'd expect for a no budget picture but never crossing over into the so-bad-it's-good territory, the story is generic but without anything special to add and so on. The music is sometimes worthwhile although some repetitive cues get played too long and often.. Overall the movie is missing a sense of fun. There's no nudity (but not without ample opportunity), fun kills or any of the other stuff you'd need/want for a slasher picture to strive for. I would say it's a good thing it's only 78 minutes long but it feels much longer. Keeping this around 45 would've made it a little better and more easily digestible. Now, having said all of that, It is producer/editor/writer/director Mogg's first film. There are some moments where you can tell he had some ideas he wanted to try out. With more experience he'll obviously get better. It's an OK start. I'll check out his other work. He's got some great titles like BANGIN' VENGEANCE! (2011) (about talkin' tits), TEENAGE SLUMBER PARTY NIGHTMARE (2014), MASSAGE PARLOR OF DEATH (2015) and BIGFOOT ATE MY BOYFRIEND (2016).
My rating: Prehistoric cave-stud Ari wins lovely virgin Listra in a pig-catching
contest, but their attempts at "Ding-Dong" keep getting interrupted by
idiot battles between his tribe, The Cave Dwellers, and their neighbors,
The Lake Dwellers. Annoyed that hubby would rather make war than
Ding-Dong, Listra organizes the women of both tribes to go on strike and
"abstain Ding-Dong" until the men stop fighting.
My rating: 4/10
Will I watch it again? No.
Ah, the Italian cinema. Back in the 60s and 70s they'd make anything and make it so many times that they'd exhaust a genre completely before moving on to the next "big thing". The comedy is base level just like you'd expect and there are times when it's mildly amusing. The trailer tells you everything you need to know in case the title didn't do that all on its own. It's silly as shit but there are some things that elevate this more than say something in the same genre from Roger Corman. The Italians bring a certain playfulness to the picture that helps. And then you also get their European sensibilities...that's just code for boobs!
Female nudity is scattered around until the end that's just enough to keep you watching even if you aren't laughing. The women ARE FUCKING HOT! Usually in these caveman pictures they're all attractive except for the older ones (the grandma types). Corbucci (who co-wrote DJANGO (1966), by the way)) & Co. said "Fuck that shit! It's all smokin' hot & tan broads in this picture!" and we're better for it. The dudes have dark tans, too, but there are few good looking ones. Sabato has a nice build but he's sportin' some wacky ass caveman/mongoloid hair. If you've watched the trailer, and you should seriously see how dorky this picture is in a nutshell, then you've heard the catchy and goofy as shit theme song. The print I watched was anamorphic widescreen but it was dirty and the colors were a little dark. It was in a lot better shape than I woul'dve expected something like this to be in. It's a reasonably shot flick with a decent enough pacing but the comedy is about as dumb as it can get. Fortunately, if there's one thing I've learned about Italian movies it's that their women LOVED to get naked! Aristophanes would be so proud.
Writers: David Newman, Robert Benton, Romeo Muller
Composer: Charles Strouse
Starring: David Wilson, Lesley Ann Warren, Loretta Swit, Kenneth Mars, Gary Owens, George Chandler, Stuart Goetz, Danny Goldman, Geoffrey Horne, Phil Leeds, Harvey Lembeck, Michael Lembeck, Allen Ludden, Al Molinaro, Irene Tedrow, Malachi Throne, David Wayne, Lou Wills Jr.
Plot: TV adaptation of the campy 1960s Broadway musical about the Man of Steel, his friends, his enemies, and his self-image problems.
My rating: 4/10
Will I watch it again? Do re mi fa so la ti NO.
The story goes that this started out as a Broadway music in '66 that ran for 129 performances before it closed. The reviews were pretty good and it even got three Tony nominations for acting. Not bad. So for whatever reason (money, anyone?) this TV special was filmed for everyone for all of future mankind to watch and, gulp, enjoy this piece of entertainment. I gotta say, despite being painfully unfunny (the humor is wayyyy over the top), I laughed out loud a couple of times. And now, just an hour later, I can't remember what was so funny. The songs are OK at best and the singing is anywhere from great (Leslie Ann Warren is terrific) to bad (David Wilson struggles but powers through it). You could make the case that Wilson was most courageous knowing that music is his kryptonite. I hope he didn't die from it. One thing I enjoyed was seeing A LOT of names and faces familiar to me. I'm familiar and fans of literally half the cast. Even game show hose Allen Ludden (I watched A LOT of games shows as a kid in the 70s) shows up as Perry White. For that reason alone there was no way I was going to miss seeing this but it's not worth watching and it's often eye-rolling painful. It's kind of funny that I had the LP of this decades ago and never once listened to it. That pleases me now that I've seen it.
Tagline: GIT SET FER THE WILDEST RIP-ROARIN'EST SCREENLOAD OF CORNBALL ACTIONS and EXCITEMENT YOU EVER EYE-BALLED!
Plot: Charles Glore plays a country western singer who goes back home to the hills of
Carolina where he gets caught up in a feud between some local
moonshiners and "the Revenoores".
My rating:
Will I watch it again? No.
I've said it before but it's worth repeating. I get a sense of how others feel when their nationality is stereotyped in movies when I see crap like this. I grew up in the Deep South and seeing Southerners depicted in such a cartoonish way is painful and embarrassing. The accents are so bad that it hurts hearing them. The comedy is dumb, the characters are dumb and it's shot like what you'd expect from HGL. He made this one right on the heels of the movie he's most famous for, TWO THOUSAND MANIACS (1964). That had dumb yokels, two but at least that one had lots of gory kills (and like this one, sadly, there's no nudity...what the hell did that man have against boobs?). I'd say skip this one unless you're torturing yourself to sit through every HGL picture he made and that's a lot.
Plot: This is a bawdy burlesque version of the famous fairy tale. Instead of Gepetto, the old-man woodcarver, we have Geppeta (Gayle), an apparently frustrated and nubile young virgin. Geppeta carves Pinocchio (Roman) for herself as a gorgeous young hunk. Geppeta's fairy godmother (Thorne) magically transforms the young stud Pinocchio into a living man, who is quickly brought to work in the local whorehouse as a prize stud and exhibitionist.
These storybook adult movies are generally pretty bad. This one is no exception. The good thing about this (and them) is the gratuitous nudity but this one is softcore so as not to offend the kiddies. There are LOADS of tits, a little ass and no dicks (sorry straight ladies and gay guys). There's also a lot of comedy that rarely lands. It's groan-inducing at times. What hurt my ears is the incredible amount of screaming, loud sounds and people. It's a noisy as fuck picture. Besides the gratuitous nudity (and the women are naturally attractive with lovely bodies) the only other thing I liked was Eduardo Ranez as Jo Jo, the man who exploits Pinocchio as a sex performer. He's great and he also had the only laughs as far as I'm concerned. And I'm shocked that he's only got this one credit on IMDb. If you like your bevy of boobs in a loud and obnoxious movie then this has your name written all over it. And another thing, did Dyanne Thorne get a boob job after this? There's a remarkable difference between her lovely self in this and her lovely self in ILSA: SHE WOLF OF THE SS (1975). Just sayin'. Oh, and if you're an Uschi Digard connoisseur like me then you're going to be very disappointed. She's literally in this picture for about a half a minute.
OMFG. I want her to have my babies. I don't care how old she is now.
Tagline: They Wreck Each Other's Wheels and Steal Each Other's Girls!!
Plot: A group of surfers use dune buggies to protect their beach from a gang of invading bikers.
My rating: 4/10
Will I watch it again? No.
It's bad and far from so-bad-it's-good. There's barely any action and the most you get is a brawl on the beach at the end shot at night and it's difficult to see anything. It's just a jumbled mess. It didn't help that the print I saw was lousy VHS quality. Everything about this picture is at best mediocre which is probably giving it too much credit. Some of the main characters are in a band that plays at the local bar or something and they get way too many songs to perform. I guess they did that so they could release a soundtrack (which they did). If you're looking for a decent biker flick, this isn't it. I keep hoping to find a good biker flick but they are a rare breed.
Starring: Angie Dickinson, Robert Culp, Danielle Brisebois, Julie McCullough, Bruce Glover, Jeff Yagher, Ebbe Roe Smith, Jacque Lynn Colton, Charles Cyphers, Nick LaTour
Tagline: Mama makes money the old-fashioned way...she steals it!
Plot: When their home is repossessed, Wilma McClatchie's husband is killed and
she and her two nubile young daughters set out to rob anything
belonging to the owner of the bank concerned. With their exploits being
chronicled by a newspaperman who has fallen for Wilma, the girls kidnap
the banker's son who in turn falls for the younger daughter and joins in
the gang's exploits with increasing enthusiasm.
My rating: 4.5/10
Will I watch it again? No.
From the man that brought to you PLEASURE SPA & SHARK BABES! This sequel probably shouldn't exist. BIG BAD MAMA (1974) was a shitload of fun. It had a great cast (besides Dickinson and her glorious cans you had Tom Skerritt, William Shatner and Dick Miller), fast pacing, lots of good action and nudity. Even though a certain someone didn't survive the first film, they were brought back for the sequel 17 years later. I'm not bothered by that but I am disappointed that part II is nothing more than a watered down retread of the original. It's boring, the action isn't fun, the pacing drags and the bad guy is a politician. Now I digs me some Bruce Glover but there's not much there except to be a run of the mill crooked politician. Robert Culp is a nice addition and he and Dickinson are the only good reasons to watch this. There's a little bit of nudity to satisfy the boob hounds. This time out Dickinson has a body double for her nude scenes. Rats. At least we've got the '75 classic to watch again and again.
Starring: Cynthia Rothrock, Don Niam, John Miller, Donna Jason, Sunny David, Emille Davazac, Hang Yip Yim, Richard Yuen, Gerald Klein, William Buckley, Mike Sutton, Michael Sinclair Walter
Tagline: Out of the ring, into the fire... in a fight to the finish
Plot: Kristi Jones (Rothrock) avenges her sister's death at the hands of a crazed martial arts serial killer called Stingray (Niam).
My rating: 4/10
Will I watch it again? No.
So...this is my first Rothrock picture I've seen and judging by it, it might be the last. Her fighting is pretty good. There's lots of slo-mo and you can tell she's making contact with her blows. Her acting, though, isn't making contact. Maybe I should cut her some slack. It's only her 28th film. It doesn't matter because it's not like anyone else does much better in this thing. For a while it was pretty entertaining on some level, some of it being so bad it's good. But there was a point where I thought this was about to wrap up so I checked the time left and I was only 50 minutes into it with 40 more to go! That's not good. From there on out it was a chore to get to the finish line. Something should've been done about that. 90 minutes should not be a magic number films need to achieve, and that's especially for direct to video. At least the fighting was good but it sure would be nice if movies like this would give you a fight in real time where and where you don't see actors pull their punches or wait to get hit. Wouldn't it be nice if a fight lasted seconds but it was fought with real precision and speed? If there's a better Rothrock flick out there please let me know. I don't want to give up on this broad but I don't want to waste my time, either. I've got stacks of shitty movies begging for me.
Tagline: In Every Age And Time, One Of Us Is Called To Join The Battle.
Plot: A psychiatrist becomes the new Sorcerer Supreme of the Earth in order to battle an evil Sorceress from the past.
My rating: 4/10
Will I watch it again? No.
This TV movie feels like it was made with the potential of becoming a series. As history points out...it didn't. Thankfully. It's dreadfully boring. There's drama, hospital drama, fantasty-ish drama, romance drama and then finally in the final third the comic book business moves fast enough for Dr. Strange to become his supernatural namesake and then he battles Morgan LeFay (played by Jessica Walters whom I didn't recognize, shame on me for missing that). That's the big fight at the end and it's over all too quickly. The whole picture is a ticket to Yawnsville. It's not even good as a TV movie. Apparently it aired against ROOTS (1977) and the ratings weren't good. I can't imagine the ratings would've been much better if it aired against commercials. Ugh.
Starring: Val Kilmer, Dylan Neal, Paul McGillion, Camille Sullivan, Nels Lennarson, Chris Gauthier, John Cassini, Sierra Pitkin, Panou, Denise Poole, Zachary Throne
Tagline: How do you catch a killer you've already caught?
Plot: A slow, quiet Christmas Eve night at the police station turns into
strange horror after a man enters claiming he wants to confess to
murder.
My rating: 4/10
Will I watch it again? No.
Kilmer is close to sleeping his way through this picture. I'm not saying he slept with someone to get the role but rather he's so laid back and quiet that he's practically asleep. This dull thriller suffers a lot from the pacing. Kilmer doesn't seem to care so why should the viewer? He's the focal point after all. The other actors seem like they're earnest with their acting. I guess they made out best because they're all getting to do a picture with Val Kilmer. The story isn't that bad and it's a shame the film turned out to be so slow. If this were handled by a major studio that threw some money at it and gave it more experienced talent behind the camera (and some in front), this could've been a lot better.
Starring: Roddy McDowall, Kabir Bedi, Frank Finlay, Marina Vlady, Pavla Ustinov, Daniel Emilfork, Ian Holm, Terence Stamp, Peter Ustinov, Marina Sirtis
Tagline: Ride the Magic Carpet into an Arabian Nights wonder-world, re-created in the splendor of magik-motion!
Plot: A resourceful thief helps a handsome Prince fight an evil wizard, and win the hand of a beautiful Princess.
My rating: 4/10
Will I watch it again? No.
This is oh so dreadfully boring. The effects are what you'd expect for late 70s TV and they don't hold up. It's not their fault, I know, but it's hard to watch. The cast puts in a good effort but the pacing kills it. It's an exercise in patience at an hour and forty-two minutes in length. It feels more than twice that. The film music nerd that I am, Cameron's score was hard on my ears. The main theme is so generic that it sounds like it was written by a novice. To make matters worse, it's repeated ad nauseam whenever there's a need for a heroic action cue. I couldn't even recommend this to fans of McDowell and Ustinov (both of which I'm a big fan of and the only reason I watched this). Oddly, co-writer Birkin went on to write some great stuff like THE NAME OF THE ROSE (1986), THE MESSENGER: THE STORY OF JOAN OF ARC (1999) and PERFUME: THE STORY OF A MURDERER (2006).
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