MoH 201: The Damned Thing (2006)

Director: Tobe Hooper

Starring: Sean Patrick Flanery, Marisa Coughlan, Brendan Fletcher, Alex Ferris, Brent Stait, Georgia Craig

More info: IMDb

Plot: The Damned Thing is the apocalyptic tale of a monstrous force that devastates Sheriff Kevin Reddle's family and his small Texas town. Sheriff Reddle thinks there is a connection between this mysterious, invisible force which made his father kill his mother back in 1981, and he sets out to uncover and stop the so-called "Damned Thing" before it decimates his whole town by forcing the residents to kill each other and themselves. 

My rating:  6.5/10

Will I watch it again? Nah.  Once was fine.

It's funny that this episode was the first thing I watched after returning from Fandomfest in Louisville, KY back in June.  Why?  Because Sean Patrick Flannery was at that con and he stopped by my booth (I sold some cool-ass shit, btw) and chatted with my friend that was helping me work the con.  Flannery was there with his BOONDOCK SAINTS (1999) co-star, David Della Rocco, signing autographs.  They're both really cool, down to Earth guys that love their fans.

This episode isn't too shabby. I like the empending since of doom, not knowing exactly how it's going to go down but getting an idea or two.  But what really sells it is the finale.  It ain't pretty.  I love bleak shit like this.  I could do without the shaky cam crap but I can't get over the ending.  You get the idea that there's either more to the original story or less.  It's a pretty simple plot but Hooper does a pretty good job sustaining it.

Fido (2006)

Director: Andrew Currie

Starring: Carrie-Anne Moss, Billy Connolly, Dylan Baker, K'Sun Ray, Henry Czerny, Tim Blake Nelson

More info: IMDb

Tagline: Good dead are hard to find

Plot: Timmy Robinson's best friend in the whole wide world is a six-foot tall rotting zombie named Fido. But when FIDO eats the next-door neighbor, Mom and Dad hit the roof, and Timmy has to go to the ends of the earth to keep Fido a part of the family.

My rating: 8/10

Will I watch it again?  Yep.

What a pleasant surprise!  I'd heard about this for a long time and I'm so glad I got around to it.  I love how it's got that LEAVE IT TO BEAVER vibe going on but with those vintage colors and zombies.  It's just too damn funny.  Billy Connelly is a fucking riot as the Robinson family's zombie pet.  The entire cast does a great job.  It's so tongue in cheek and the best part is, for as funny as it is, people die! Kids, too!!! Classic.  This would make a great double bill with MATINEE (1993), another great flick with a similar feel but without the zombies and dead children. 

News flash...this just in...Carrie-Anne Moss is sofa king sexy and she needs to have my babies.

We Don't Die, We Multiply: The Robin Harris Story (2006)

Director: Topper Carew

Starring: Robin Harris, Cedric the Entertainer, Reginald Hudlin, D.L. Hughley, Martin Lawrence, Bernie Mac, Darryl Sivad, Joe Torry, Robert Townsend

More info: IMDb

Tagline: The Definitive movie about the genius who inspired today's best comics.

Plot: Robin Harris is arguably the original king of comedy, as we know it today. His delivery, style, stage presence and unabashed sense of comedy has touched every African-American comic to debut after him. Enjoy the comedic genius that was taken from us far too soon in "We Don’t Die, We Multiply – The Robin Harris Story," as Martin Lawrence, Bernie Mac, Cedric the Entertainer and other comedic greats give credit to Robin Harris for being the visionary that influenced their careers. 

My rating: 6/10

Will I watch it again? Nah, I'll just slap in Harris' stand-up instead.

Around the time BEBE'S KIDS (1992) came out I had already seen some of Harris' stand-up and I love, LOVE, LOVED it!  He was one of those cats that could get me laughing so hard I'd get tears in my eyes.  I went to see BEBE'S KIDS in the theater and cried all over again.  That was 1992 and I was 24.  His stand-up still slays me and I was so anxious to see this documentary.  Now that I've seen it, I'm not so sure.  It's not that bad but it feels like it missed the boat somewhere and I don't know where.  It's just a feeling.

The best parts are getting to see some of his routines in various clubs, often with some dodgy video.  Those bits were great.  What was missing were clips of Harris in archival interviews.  I wanted to hear him talk about whatever instead of everyone who survived him.  The DVD extras tease you with more stand-up but it's nothing more than the same clips in the doc but strung together.  What a disappointment.  You're better off reading his Wikipedia page and watching his stand up routines on YouTube.  That's a lot more satisfying.

Outlander (2008)

Director: Howard McCain

Starring: Jim Caviezel, Sophia Myles, Jack Huston, John Hurt, Cliff Saunders, Patrick Stevenson, Aidan Devine, Ron Perlman

More info: IMDb

Tagline: It destroyed his world. He won't let it destroy ours.

Plot: During the reign of the Vikings, Kainan, a man from a far-off world, crash lands on Earth, bringing with him an alien predator known as the Moorwen. Though both man and monster are seeking revenge for violence committed against them, Kainan leads the alliance to kill the Moorwen by fusing his advanced technology with the Viking's Iron Age weaponry.

 

My rating: 5.5/10

Will I watch it again? Ah, noop.

The trailer looked good.  The premise looked good.  I'm a sucker for movies that take place way back when in history (especially European and Roman history).  And I digs me some science fiction.  What the hell happened here?  Jim Caviezel was pretty damn bland.  Maybe that was it.  It needed a likable lead.  I got the feeling that if we had been following the Earthlings instead of him and gotten their first hand perspective it would have been a more interesting picture.  It's a good looking and professionaly crafted movie and it's got some neat monsters and all but I just lost interest somewhere along the way and never re-gained it.  All I was left with was a strong hankering to slap in THE 13th WARRIOR (1999) to take the blah taste out of my mouth.

The Island of Dr. Moreau (1996)

Director: John Frankenheimer

Starring: Marlon Brando, Val Kilmer, David Thewlis, Fairuza Balk, Daniel Rigney, Temuera Morrison, Ron Perlman

More info: IMDb

Tagline: Through DNA experimentation Dr. Moreau has upset the balance of nature. By turning animals into humans, he's turned heaven into hell.

Plot: After being rescued and brought to an island, a man discovers that it's inhabitants are experimental animals being turned into strange looking humans, all of it the work of a visionary doctor.

 

My rating: 5/10

Will I watch it again? Aw, hell, no.

I haven't seen this since it's theatrical run.  I feel the same way about it now as I did  then.  I liked Thewles as the protagonist.  He was interesting in that Alan Rickman sort of way.  Val Kilmer seemed tired sometimes but then that was kind of his character.  Brando was a hoot to watch and that brief moment where Kilmer does a Brando impression was hilarious, but it's with the second half of the movie that shifts over to the creatures is where it lost me.  It just wasn't that exciting or interesting.  Combine that with it going on far longer than it should and that's almost a perfect storm for me falling asleep.  Stan Winston's creature effects were great an all but the last act was flat.  This might be the only version of this story I've seen.  I have GOT to put ISLAND OF LOST SOULS (1932) near the top of my list.  I'll put a fiver down that it's a lot better than this.

Before the Devil Knows You're Dead (2007)

Director: Sidney Lumet

Starring: Philip Seymour Hoffman, Ethan Hawke, Marisa Tomei, Albert Finney, Aleksa Palladino, Michael Shanon, Amy Ryan, Sarah Livingston, Brian F. O'Byrne, Rosemary Harris

More info: IMDb

Tagline: No one was supposed to get hurt.

Plot: When two brothers organize the robbery of their parents' jewelry store the job goes horribly wrong, triggering a series of events that sends them, their father and one brother's wife hurtling towards a shattering climax.

 

My rating: 8/10

Will I watch it again? Probably not. 

If there's one thing that's certain in this world, Philip Seymour Hoffman plays slimey REALLY, really well.  Oooh, he can be creepy.  I LOVE movies where plans go horribly wrong and this one stars from the beginning and doesn't slow its descent until the credits roll.  This flick gets dark and stays there.  There is a bright spot (here come the pig in me) and that's FINALLY seeing Marisa Tomei topless.  Should she accept, I would allow her to have my babies.  OK, now back to the show. Sidney Lumet has made some great friggin' dramas.  This man knows acting and he's put together a fine bunch for this flick.  The ending is great but by the time I got there I felt like I needed a bath and that doesn't happen often (not often enough, actually).  I love it when movies make you feel like you've done something wrong and that feeling lingers until the next day.  IN THE COMPANY OF MEN (1997) does that and I think its time I revisit that one.

Congo (1995)

Director: Frank Marshall

Starring: Laura Linney, Dylan Walsh, Ernie Hudson, Tim Curry, Grant Heslov, Joe Don Baker, Stuart Pankin, James Karen & BRUCE "THE CHIN" CAMPBELL!!!

More info: IMDb

Tagline: Where you are the endangered species

Plot:
A megalomaniac C.E.O. sends his son into the dangerous African Congo on a quest for a source of diamonds large enough and pure enough to function as powerful laser communications transmitters (or is it laser weapons?). When contact is lost with his son and the team, his sometime daughter- in-law is sent after them. She is a former CIA operative and, accompanied by gee-whiz gadgetry and a few eccentric characters (including a mercenary, a researcher with a talking gorilla, and a a nutty Indiana-Jones-type looking for King Solomon's Mines), sets out to rescue her former fiancé. What they all discover is that often what we most want turns out to be the source of our downfall.

 

My rating:

Will I watch it again? Yes.  

I've heard nothing but bad things about this for over a decade.  That normally won't stop me from watching something but it can certainly delay it.  I guess I was ready.  Holy crap was this fun.  I guess my expectations were so low I was bound to like it for not sucking so bad or maybe I was simply in the right mood for it.  I LOVED Laura Linney's character.  She was a strong, no-nonsense character that wasn't the cocky badass type you see all over the place in Hollywood.  She behaved like a professional that had a brain and relied on it to survive.  NICE! The other standout for me was Ernie Hudson.  Fuck his performance in GHOSTBUSTERS (1984), he's having a blast in this picture and for the fun factor, he took the prize.  Boy he was great fun to watch.

OK so it was a tremendous stretch that we had an ape that could talk using a computer or something semi-to-completely retarded.  BUT, and this is a HUGE but, it was handled about as well as it possible could and keep it in the realm of a fun adventure flick rated PG-13.  My eyes only partly rolled from time to time but it wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been.  And don't forget Jerry Goldsmith's score.  He's almost always a welcome addition to any picture (I say almost because I've seen RUNAWAY (1984)).