Apocalypto (2006)

Director: Mel Gibson

Starring: Rudy Youngblood

More Info: IMDB

Tagline: When the end comes, not everyone is ready to go

Plot: Set in the Mayan civilization, when a man's idyllic presence is brutally disrupted by a violent invading force, he is taken on a perilous journey to a world ruled by fear and oppression where a harrowing end awaits him. Through a twist of fate and spurred by the power of his love for his woman and his family he will make a desperate break to return home and to ultimately save his way of life.

My Rating: 9/10

Would I watch it again? Yes!

Mel Gibson's got balls. Big ones and they're on display in this film from start to finish. To make an action revenge picture set more than 500 years ago in a society most people don't know dick about AND film it entirely in an ancient language with subtitles takes big ones.

I saw this in the theater during it's opening run and, not knowing what to expect, I was blown away. Watching it again a few days ago was just as fresh and amazing as it was last year. WOW! The camera work/location shooting is absolutely beautiful. I could see myself living there as they did. Well, without the human sacrifice stuff and all. Most of the actors in the film have never acted before and, surprisingly, it doesn't show. Top-notch all the way.

The story takes its time to unfold giving us plenty of time to soak up a day in the life of a particular tribe. When they are abruptly awaken to their attackers that's when things start rolling and fast. It's brutal. It's in your face. It's AWESOME! Mel doesn't hold back and nor should he. There's plenty of suspense on the trek of the captives from their jungle home to the Mayan city where they'll be sacrificed. The city is fantastic and huge. I want Mel to make a movie just about THIS civilization.

"Blue Moon on Monday"

We get plenty of eye candy in the city all the way through the sacrificing. Shortly after that our hero, Jaguar Paw (Youngblood), escapes and then it's ON. It's at this point you realize you're watching a good old fashioned revenge pic as JP is hunted down by the same family of thugs that brought him and his tribe there. He picks them off one by one and each kill is better than the previous. Oh, Man, this is fun.

The end gives us hope but there's a parting shot of the Spaniard Conquistidors showing up and you know what's going to happen then...THAT'S another movie I want Mel to shoot. And I thought that was pretty damn cool that he gives us so much that it leaves you wanting more and more. Oh, I was satisfied alright, but I did want much more. Kind of like a great rock concert. Always leave 'em wanting more...

3 Dev Adam (3 Mighty Men)(1973)

Director: T. Fikret Ucak

Starring: Turks

More Info: IMDB

Plot: Istanbul is being terrorized by a crime wave let by an evil Spider-Man, and the police call in American superhero Captain America and Mexican wrestler Santo to put a stop to it.








My Rating: 5/10

Would I watch it again? Not unless I edited it down to 45 minutes.

I love me some kooky world cinema. This is only my second taste of Turkish cinema, the first being a kabob western based on Lucky Luke (it was bad). In the 1970s the Turks were really bad (or good?) at a total disregard of copyright laws stealing everywhere they could. By the end of the decade there was a Turkish Star Wars, Star Trek, Superman - you name it, they were ripping it off. They even had the balls to use actual footage from the films they were ripping off as well as the music score from popular films.

So I was excited about this one. I'd heard about how nuts it was with having these three main characters - especially with Spider-Man in green with monstrous eye brows as a bad guy. I'm all over it. It's bad, sure, but in a fun way. It's got some really bad/campy fight scenes. There are two that go on forever and that's too long. At 81 minutes you'd think that'd be just right. Right? Seriously, it's one of those, "Let's get everybody together tonight, drink heavily and watch a fucked-up movie" kind of flick. But it does have some fat that needs to be trimmed; about 30 minutes worth.

At least it's got English subtitles which is more than that kabob western I watched had or the copy of the Turkish Star Wars that I'm waiting to watch. Music-wise they're blatantly using cues from the Bond film, DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER. I could easily think of better Bond scores to hijack than that one. Not knocking John Barry but his score to the previous Bond picture, OHMSS is better and more exciting. But what the fuck do I know?


This movie is gloriously bad. It only ranks lower than normal because of the painfully dull slow spots AND the ending has Captain American (NOT in his costume but in street clothes) fighting Spider-Man only to kill him and then another Spider-Man shows up to fight him. I'm not exaggerating when I tell you there are probably 8 or 9 Spider-Man guys that show up one at a time as each one is destroyed. It lasted a good 10 to 15 minutes and I actually found myself yelling, "Come the fuck on already. Christ on crutches!" getting really frustrated. And THEN when he's defeated the last one you see yet another Spider-Man get into a sedan and drive away leaving our two heroes and their woman standing there laughing like the end of a LOVE BOAT episode. Other than that it was great. Where else are you going to get to see a man attacked by a guinea pig comin' at him through a giant tube? Well, besides Richard Gere's apartment. OH!

Black Sunday (1977)

Director: John Frankenheimer

Starring, Robert Shaw, Bruce Dern, Marthe Keller

More Info: IMDB

Taglline: There has never been a motion picture adventure like...

Plot: An Israeli anti-terrorist agent (Shaw) must stop a disgruntled Vietnam vet (Dern) cooperating in a plot to commit a terrorist plot at the Super Bowl.

My Rating: 7/10

Would I watch it again? Yes

There are many reasons to watch this. Robert Shaw, one of the greatest actors of the 70s, turns in another wonderful performance. He's convincing as a man who will stop at nothing to do what has to be done. Another is Bruce Dern. No one, and I mean no one, can go from zero to psycho in less than two seconds like Dern. He gets lots of screen time to show a tremendous amount of range - more than anyone else in the film by a long shot. He's brilliant. Keller's good but she pretty much delivers a one-note performance since all she has to do is act worried and bitchy.

Then you've got Frankenheimer's direction. He keeps thinks moving along, giving us a lot of ground to cover.. At times we're following the three main characters in three locations around the world. He's got a good script (based on a Thomas "Hannibal Lector" Harris novel) with some very good actors. It's suspenseful and effective. You probably feel you know how it's going to end but even so, you are on the edge of your seat during the final 20 minutes. It gets down to the wire and you just don't know how it's going to turn out. Very nice.

Then there's a wonderfully tense score by John Williams, who, that same year, cranked out his landmark scores for STAR WARS and CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND!!! This was just two years into his amazingly prolific and brilliant period of scores from 1975 to 1984. Everything he cranked out during this time (with one exception - HEARTBEEPS) is utterly fantastic. BLACK SUNDAY is no exception. His music along with Frankenheimer's direction & editing build this thing to the intense finale that just won't let up. It held me to the end of it's 2 hour and 23 minute run time and that's no small feat.

Lethal Weapon (1987)

Director: Richard Donner

Starring: Mel Gibson, Danny Glover, Gary Busey, Tom Atkins

More Info: IMDB

Tagline: If these two can learn to stand each other... the bad guys don't stand a chance.

Plot: A veteran detective is partnered with a young detective with a suicidal death wish. You know the rest.













My Rating: 9/10



Would I watch it again? Hell, yeah!

It's been at least 15 years since I've seen this. I remember liking it (then having seen it a couple of times or better) but not this much. I watched the Director's Cut, which for all I could tell included a cut scene of Riggs taking out an idiot sniper, and it just kicked all kinds of ass. What a fun fun movie. Great mix of action and comedy.

It starts out with some hot half-naked chick getting hopped-up on coke and then does what everybody would do and that's make a swan dive off the 20th floor onto a limo. A little something for the fellas...

"Nice credit placement, huh?"

And then throw in a little something for the ladies...





We also get treated to a half-naked Danny Glover in the bathtub when his wife and KIDS (!) barge in with the whole Happy Birthday business and he's all cool about it. So much so that he looked like he'd be equally cool standing up out of the tub in front of his kids.

I really don't need to say much about this since I can't imagine that there's anyone left who hasn't seen it. The ONLY thing I didn't like about this movie was Busey. I normally dig this guy but he's just really bad in this. Check out THE BUDDY HOLLY STORY (1978) - he's good. He was even nominated for an Oscar! But not for this. Woof. The big fight at the end tends to go on too long and, even after all of the insane stuff that's led up to it, I just couldn't sit there believing none of the cops are going to get involved. Other than that it's a solid action/comedy that kicks the shit out most other action flicks to to this day. Nice.

Telefon (1977)

Director: Don Siegel

Starring: Charles Bronson, Lee Remick, Donald Pleasence

More Info: IMDB

Tagline: They'll do anything to stop Telefon. The operation that can trigger 51 human time bombs.

Plot: Nicolai Dalchimski (Pleasence), a mad KGB agent, steals a notebook full of names of "sleeping" undercover KGB agents sent to the U.S. in the 1960's. These agents got their assignments under hypnosis, so they can't remember their missions until they're told a line of a Robert Frost poem. Dalchimski flees to the U.S. and starts phoning these agents who perform sabotage acts against military targets. Since the Soviets can't disclose the crisis to the U.S. government, they send Colonel Borzov (Badass Bronson), a military intelligence officer, to find and eliminate Dalchimsky before his actions trigger a war. Badassness ensues.



My Rating: 7/10
Would I watch it again? Yup.

Bronson = Badass! He doesn't say much...he doesn't have to.

There are few actors whose films I will gladly watch everything they did. James Cagney is at the top, then Edward G. Robinson and then there's Bronson. I've enjoyed every film I've seen of theirs so far, and I've seen a lot. All of these men have a commanding presence unlike the other. When Bronson shows up it's ass-kicking time. He doesn't say much...he doesn't have to.

The great news about Telefon is Bronson's in it. The bad news is he doesn't show up until 20 minutes after the start of the film. There's some stupid crap involving the Ruskies, typical stuff, some funny bits with Tyne Daly, lots of faces you'll recognize, Donald Pleasence (WITH A TOUPE (but only as a disguise) - see below), and then we FINALLY get to Col. Badass and he's teaching a kid's hockey team?!?! That's just to show that he's got a gentler more tender side to him. He could easily take that whole frozen lake of kids if he wanted to. Maybe he does but he's just waiting for the right moment to strike. We'll never know because his stoic face won't show it. I'd like to think that after his mission is done he came back to settle unfinished business. But that's my movie and not this one.

Anyway, Badass Bronson hops a plane to the States to find/kill Pleasence and to help him he's teamed with Lee Remick (as Barbara). She's a talker and not the kind of person you want in the same state with BB. He literally says one word to her 20. She fun and bouncy but a bit too bouncy for me. Cute though. We soon find out she's not all she seems to be and has an agenda of her own. BB doesn't take shit from this broad and lays it down reeaaaal thick (see pic below). In this scene she's yapping away asking questions and when he just can't take it anymore he lunges forward and grabs her head and tells her how it's going to be. From that point on...no more problems. He's got a job to do and she's only there to help him in anyway he needs. What a badass.

Stuff happens, some intrigue and suspense, then there's the big confrontation that has to happen when BB finds Pleasence at a roadside restaurant. BB does the inevitable (in a pretty cool fashion, too) and then it ends and rather abruptly. Feeling something was amiss I went to imdb.com did some reading to find out the book takes the action one more scene further in a nail-biting climax that this movie could have used. I still dig it but having that one last action set piece would have elevated this to an 8 or a 9. VERY good Bronson flick.

Sadly, it's not on DVD but I snagged a widescreen copy from TCM when it aired some time ago. Keep an eye out for it. It's worth it.

Matalo! (1970)

Director: Cesare Canevari

Starring: Lou Castel, Corrado Pani

More Info: IMDB

Plot: A gang of outlaws rob a U.S. Government stagecoach of its gold and then hide out in a nearby ghost town until they can dispose of the gold and turn it into usable cash with the help of a rich banker. In the meantime a stranger named Ray and (separately) a widow ride into town seeking refuge from the heat but instead become victims of the sadistic gang.

My Rating: 7/10

Would I watch it again? Oh, yeah.

#125 on Drive-In Delirium Volume 2 (part of the TRAILER TRASH PROJECT)

I'm so pissed. I've had this for a few years, gotten from a guy in Switzerland. It's a DVD dubbed from a Greek VHS (widescreen but with hard-coded Greek subs). It's watchable but there are some quality issues. At least it's widescreen, right? After watching it I see that the AWESOME DVD company, Wild East, put out a fantastic DVD here in the U.S. last year. I'll have to get this one. I support WE with every opportunity. They're doing something different and they deserve it.

This movie, despite the somewhat slow mid-section in the ghost town, rocks. Watch the trailer. I've seen it probably a dozen times and last week, after seeing it yet again, I decided that just HAD to be next. It's not as psychedelic as I had hoped for but it's close enough. The music is outstanding in it's psychedelic goodness. The camera work is sooooo 60s. It rocks. Corrado Pani (Bart) rocks. He's a badass.

The following is essentially all you need to know to whet your appetite enough to seek this out:

The film opens with an out-of-focus shot of what we will soon read as the sheriff's office. Two men escort a prisoner to the hanging platform just a few yards in front on the street. Bart, whose name we'll find out later, eagerly puts his head into the noose. He looks around and spots some men with rifles hidden about. Their his men and he smiles. Suddenly guns are blazing and the 60s rock score kicks in full throttle. Slo-mo as the lawmen are picked off one by one as well as the innocent bystanders. Bart's free and runs down the steps, across the street and into the sheriff's office. He gets his guns, and proceeds to steal the gold from the safe when he's confronted by a pistol-totin' widow (presumably the wife of the man he killed). He turns to her, seduces her briefly with his eyes, leans forward and kisses her passionately. As he does so he reaches into the safe, takes the pouch of gold, and walks away while she's still pointing the gun at him. He mounts his horse and you hear a gunshot. She's killed herself! HOW FREAKING COOL IS THAT? All this with that wild rock vocal you hear in the trailer.

Grandma's dead tired

Unfortunately the film doesn't maintain that cool but it's got it scattered enough throughout that you feel pretty damn satisfied by the end. And the end is nuts with Ray, whose spent most of his screen time getting his ass kicked and tortured in the ghost town, breaking free and saving the day with his big-ass pouch of boomerangs!?! This is a fucked up Spaghetti Western and in a good way. I'm sure I'll watch this one again as soon as I get the Wild East DVD. A better print usually makes for a better experience.

Stray Cat Rock: Sex Hunter (1970)

Director: Yasuharu Hasebe

Staring: Meiko Kaji (hubba hubba)

More Info: IMDB

Plot: Mako and her girl friends enter a dispute with rival street gangsters The Eagles, a band of racist macho pigs led by the evil Baron, who hates half-breeds (descendants of American and Japanese couples). When one of the girls start dating a half-breed, they start a terror campaign to take all of them out of town. Mako and her gang fight back, helping their new friend Kazuma find his long lost sister. Kazuma gets hurt...a lot.





My Rating: 6/10
Would I watch it again? Nope.

I love the Pinky Violence genre of films. They're so different. There's the PV variety like this one that features strong female characters kicking all kinds of ass which permeated the late 60s and early 70s. Then there's the harsher PV films that dominated the genre in the mid-70s through the 80s which dealt almost exclusively with violent rape and there's usually plenty of it. I've seen a small handful of the latter that were quite good, violent and unique.





But SCR:SH (the third in a series of five SCR films) is in the former category and is somewhat fun. We're treated to some truly outrageous and fun only-in-a-Japanese-film songs. For the most part they sound weird and silly but damn it if they aren't catchy as hell. You've read the plot and that's pretty much it. There's lots of little crazy action set pieces that are fun. Kazuma, who is looking for his sister he hasn't seen since they were separated many years ago - WHO just happens to be in the gang of girls led by Mako (2nd from the right in the above pic - badass), the girl HE'S dating, but Kazuma (and his sister) doesn't find out until the last few minutes of the film !?! - gets his ass kicked by the male gang, The Eagles, several times AND HE JUST TAKES IT !?! Mako is angry with him because he's such a pussy but she continues to dig him because he plays guitar and sings to her.

Eventually Mako decides enough is enough and she, along with Kazuma, have a showdown with The Eagles. Together they kill them but take some serious bullets during the shootout. Kazuma, with all of his might, stands up with the sniper rifle in hand and stumbles to the edge of the platform overlooking the field below where his sister (just discovering he's her bro) runs toward him.

HERE BE SPOILERS...

So what does he do with his dying breaths upon discovering that's his sister running toward him in tears? Sure, he fills her full of lead! WTF? She drops lifeless followed by Kaz who's just proven without a doubt how fucking worthless as a human he turned out to be. End of story. Cue music.

END OF SPOILERS. YARRRR.

There's a few bar/lounge scenes that feature these beauties:



They belt out a couple of the catchy tunes we get the privilege of hearing. Damn, I love the Japanese. Hum-able tunes and ass-kicking broads...awesome! I'd give it a higher score but this film suffers from the same problem many of these types of films have and that's repetition. The film's pacing is fine it's just that there's so much information that keeps getting re-hashed you just wish they'd go with a 70 minute run time to cut to the chase. Overall, though, they're still fun and unique rides that really separate themselves from the rest of the world's cinema and for that I'm grateful to companies like Home Vision (who put this one out) and Panik House (who've put out a TON of great looking Pinky Violence films) for bringing these films to us.