I Am Sartana, Trade Your Guns for a Coffin (1970)

Original title: C'e Sartana...Vendi la Pistola e Comprati la Bara!

Director: Giuliano Carnimeo

Writer: Tito Carpi

Composer: Francesco De Masi

Starring: George Hilton, Charles Southwood, Erika Blanc, Piero Lulli, Linda Sini, Nello Pazzafini, Carlo Gaddi, Aldo Barberito

More info: IMDb

Tagline: Sartana lights the fuse and all hell breaks loose!

Plot: Sartana, bounty hunter and gunfighter, witnesses the robbery of a shipment of gold. He finds his way into town where he meets with a lot of suspicious stares from the locals. He also meets with Samuel Spencer, who seems to own the company in this company town. The gold shipments are being stolen, so Spencer agrees to hire Sartana to protect the next gold shipment. Numerous dull-witted villains make attempts on Sartana's life, but he survives. Eventually, Sartana's nemesis Sabbath rides into town. With a showdown inevitable, Sartana and Sabbath square off to settle the score.

My rating: 6/10

Will I watch it again?  No.

The anamorphic widescreen version I saw was a German print where someone did the nice thing and married it to an English dub.  The German title translates to DJANGO AND SABATA...LIKE BLOODY VULTURES whereas the original Italian title translates to THERE'S SARTANA...SELL THE GUN AND BUY THE COFFIN.  There is no one in this film named Django (which was typical as a lot of movies capitalized on the super hit DJANGO (1966)) George Hilton plays Sartana and Charles Southwood plays Sabath (in the English dub).  There's a lot of confusion if you pay attention to the this crap which I generally don't but it's interesting in some mundane way to point it out.   It's a slightly above average Spaghetti Western which is surprising considering the talent involved where most of the cast and crew had done a lot of them by this point.  Sartana is trying to be too cool for school but he comes off more of a joke than a badass.  Lee Van Cleef can pull it off but not Hilton.  He's got the look but the dub, story and dialogue diminish it.  There are a few little turns and surprises which makes it a little more interesting than the average Spag but it's not enough to save it.

The Final Programme (1973)

AKA: The Last Days of Man on Earth

Director: Robert Fuest

Writers: Michael Moorcock, Robert Fuest

Composers: Paul Beaver, Bernard Krause

Starring: Jon Finch, Jenny Runacre, Sterling Hayden, Harry Andews, Hugh Griffith, Julie Ege, Patrick Magee, Graham Crowden, George Coulouris, Ronald Lacey, Sarah Douglas

More info: IMDb

Tagline: The Future is Cancelled!

Plot: A trio of scientists plan to create a self-replicating, immortal, hermaphrodite using the Final Programme developed by a Nobel Prize-winning dead scientist.

My rating: 5/10

Will I watch it again?  Nope.

I was rather looking forward to seeing this being how it's a early 70s British sci-fi with several quality and known actors.  Little did I know how dull this was going to be.  There's no suspense what so ever.  The entire picture is building to the finale and then they figuratively piss in your face with a cheap joke just before the credits role.  Maybe the novel handled it better.  I'll never know because A) I don't read much because it cuts into my movie watching time and B) this flick killed any chance of my wanting to find out for myself.  It's a dull movie with the occasional moments of when it's trying to be a serious thinking man's science fiction flick and other times when it wants to be a fun sci-fi romp for the swingin' young set.  People like Hayden, Andrews, Magee had my attention but they're all barely in it.  They come on for their five to ten minutes and that's the last you see of them.  What a letdown. 

Ten Monologues from the Lives of the Serial Killers (1994)

Director: Aryan Kaganof

Writers: J.G. Ballard, Aryan Kaganof, Roberta Lannes, Charles Manson, Henry Rollins

Starring: Ed Kemper et al

More info: IMDb

Plot: Ten monologues are presented in many forms, few of which are from serial killers.

My rating: 6/10

Will I watch it again?  No.

I'm fascinated by serial killers and equally so by those who hunt them.  This 50 minute video is mis-titled.  It opens with the best of the bunch and that's the voice of Ed Kemper while some actor sits in a chair with mood lighting and a camera slowly moving around his head for dramatic effect.  What follows is a mix of songs (by Geto Boys) about grisly serial killer-type murders, the writings of novelist J.G. Ballard, the writings of novelist Roberta Lannes, the writings of known bonkers man Charles Manson, the voice of Ted Bundy talking about the dangers of pornography, a diary entry from musician and all around Renaissance Man Henry Rollins and the voice of one of the Hillside Stranglers Kenneth Bianchi.  So out of the 10 you get 4 segments from actual serial killers and only two of which are in their own voices.  None of them are seen.  Is it interesting?  Mildly.  If anything it made me want to watch any number of videos of the killers in interviews.  There's plenty out there.  Why was this made?  Beats me.  Mabye there's a flow to what each segment has to say that says something on a larger scale.  That would be something to ask the director.  As a piece of entertainment, bypass this and look for video of these heinous fucks spilling their guts on camera. 

Dressed to Kill (1941)

Director: Eugene Forde

Writers: Stanley Rauh, Manning O'Connor, Richard Burke

Composer: Cyril J. Mockridge

Starring: Lloyd Nolan, Mary Beth Hughes, Sheila Ryan, William Demarest, Ben Carter, Virginia Brissac, Erwin Kalser, Henry Daniell, Dick Rich, Milton Parsons, Charles Arnt, Charles Trowbridge, Hamilton MacFadden

More info: IMDb

Plot: Detective Michael Shayne and his girlfriend Joanne are on their way to be married when a scream from a nearby hotel room draws his attention to a pair of theatrical murders.

My rating: 7.5/10

Will I watch it again?  YES!!!

How come I've never heard of this series or of its star, Lloyd Nolan?  I loved it.  Nolan is hilarious as a deadpan detective trying to solve a murder in time to marry his fiance (she points out that he's yet to solve the half dozen murder cases he's taken on).  He's witty, smart and focused.  That's fun on its own but things don't always go the way he plans on and that presents another set of challenges.  I think that's what I dug most about this picture.  The ending surprised me, too.  If I had one complaint its that William Demarest plays his detective role too over the top grouchy.  Other than that, it's a nicely paced and fun murder mystery.   This is the third of seven Michael Shayne pictures Nolan did and they were all made between 1940 and 1942!  I'm looking forward to seeing the rest.

Big Bad Mama II (1987)

Director: Jim Wynorski

Writers: R.J. Roberts, Jim Wynorski

Composer: Chuck Cirino

Starring:  Angie Dickinson, Robert Culp, Danielle Brisebois, Julie McCullough, Bruce Glover, Jeff Yagher, Ebbe Roe Smith, Jacque Lynn Colton, Charles Cyphers, Nick LaTour

More info: IMDb

Tagline: Mama makes money the old-fashioned way...she steals it!

Plot: When their home is repossessed, Wilma McClatchie's husband is killed and she and her two nubile young daughters set out to rob anything belonging to the owner of the bank concerned. With their exploits being chronicled by a newspaperman who has fallen for Wilma, the girls kidnap the banker's son who in turn falls for the younger daughter and joins in the gang's exploits with increasing enthusiasm.

My rating: 4.5/10

Will I watch it again?  No.

From the man that brought to you PLEASURE SPA & SHARK BABES!  This sequel probably shouldn't exist.  BIG BAD MAMA (1974) was a shitload of fun.  It had a great cast (besides Dickinson and her glorious cans you had Tom Skerritt, William Shatner and Dick Miller), fast pacing, lots of good action and nudity.  Even though a certain someone didn't survive the first film, they were brought back for the sequel 17 years later.  I'm not bothered by that but I am disappointed that part II is nothing more than a watered down retread of the original.  It's boring, the action isn't fun, the pacing drags and the bad guy is a politician.  Now I digs me some Bruce Glover but there's not much there except to be a run of the mill crooked politician.  Robert Culp is a nice addition and he and Dickinson are the only good reasons to watch this.  There's a little bit of nudity to satisfy the boob hounds.  This time out Dickinson has a body double for her nude scenes.  Rats.  At least we've got the '75 classic to watch again and again. 

At Long Last Love (1975)

Director: Peter Bogdanovich

Writer: Peter Bogdanovich

Starring: Burt Reynolds, Cybill Shepherd, Madeline Kahn, Duilio Del Prete, Eileen Brennan, John Hillerman, Mildred Natwick, Quinn K. Redeker, M. Emmet Walsh, Burton Gilliam, Patricia O'Neal

More info: IMDb

Tagline: IT'S THE TOP!

Plot: A millionaire named Michael Oliver Pritchard III and a singer named Kitty O'Kelly meet and fall in love. Meanwhile, an indigent woman named Brooke Carter and an Italian gambler named Johnny Spanish meet and fall in love. All four people meet each other and become friends.

My rating: 7/10

Will I watch it again?  Maybe.

Would you believe me if I told you this was two hours long?  I almost didn't believe it and I was looking at the time.  But here's the thing...I really liked it.  The performers are delightful and fun.  I'm fans of most of the cast (and a super fan of Kahn & Brennan).  I'd never even heard of Duilio Del Prete before but he does OK.  Naturally I would've preferred a known star.  Some of them sing better than the others but that doesn't matter because you can tell they're all having so much fun (or at least they're that good at acting they make it look like that).  There are several throwaway gags that had me laughing.  The romance between Hillerman and Brennan is hilarious.  And Madeline Kahn!!!  Damn, I miss those two broads.  Burt's hilarious and does a much better job at singing than I would've thought.  Here's a cool bit of trivia...everyone sings on camera!  What's even more impressive is that a lot of the songs are done in ONE TAKE!!!  But jesus, did I mention it's two hours?  Well, it almost doesn't feel like it but this picture could use some trimming.  I get why Bogdonovich released it that long.  I would have a tough time cutting anything out of this, too, but you have to think about the audience on this one.  It's a lot to take in especially when some songs are repeated many times.  To quote Emperor Joseph II, "...there are simply too many notes, that's all. Just cut a few and it will be perfect."

Jungle Man-Eaters (1954)

Director: Lee Sholem

Writer: Samuel Newman

Starring: Johnny Weissmuller, Karin Booth, Richard Wyler, Bernie Hamilton, Gregory Gaye, Lester Matthews, Paul Thompson, Vince Townsend Jr., Louise Franklin, Tamba the Chimp

More info: IMDb

Tagline: JOHNNY AGAINST THE CANNIBALS...to free their human prey!

Plot: Jungle Jim does battle with a would-be diamond smuggler and a renegade tribe.

My rating: 6/10

Will I watch it again?  No.

It looks like this is the first Jungle Jim picture to be shot in widescreen.  It looks great, too.  This is my first JJ flick and it's really just a Johnny Weissmuller Tarzan picture but with Weissmuller speaking fuller sentences and wearing clothes.  You could seriously substitute Tarzan for JJ and you'd never know it wasn't supposed to be a JJ movie.  And just like the Tarzan pictures of the day, there's lots of stock footage of wildlife and natives dancing and you've also got a chimpanzee for comic relief.  There's plenty of action which is just what the Saturday matinee crowd was looking for.  Kids of the 50s probably ate this shit right up but now, with so many of these films at your fingertips, these types of films are hard to distinguish from one another.  I'm not going to rush to see another JJ movie but I will do it for Tarzan.