The Sandpiper (1965)

Director:  Vincente Minnelli

Writers: Martin Ransohoff, Irene Kamp, Louis Kamp, Dalton Trumbo, Michael Wilson

Composer:  Johnny Mandel

Starring:  Elizabeth Taylor, Richard Burton, Eva Marie Saint, Charles Bronson, Robert Webber, James Edwards, Torin Thatcher, Tom Drake, Douglas Henderson, Morgan Mason

More info:  IMDb

Tagline:  It was the right thing. It was the wrong thing. It was the only thing their hearts would allow.

Plot:  A free-spirited single mother forms a connection with the wedded headmaster of an Episcopalian boarding school in Monterey, California.

My rating:   6/10

Will I watch it again?   No.

#39 on Project: Badass Charles Bronson

BRONSON'S AGE: 44
LEVEL OF BADASSICITY (10 being the highest): 9.  He.Creates.Women!

Watch the trailer.  It's dreadfully dull and screams, "DON'T WATCH THIS!".  Now, the movie isn't nearly as bad as the trailer makes out.  It's no all that good but it is watchable and there are some things worth watching for.  Taylor is great.  She pulls some much needed life out out of that script.  The cast does a fine job.  Burton...well, he's Richard Burton which means he's brooding, dramatic and a party pooper that doesn't smile (at least I don't recall him once smiling).  You don't watch movies like this to be surprised.  You know Edward (Burton) is going to fall for Laura (Taylor) against his better judgement and you know where that's going to lead and it 'tisn't going to end well.  Despite Burton playing the character as he does, he is commanding.  That man can recite shit dialogue better than most and I'll always buy a ticket, front row seat watching him do it. 

Then there's the rest of the cast.  Eva Marie Saint's role as Claire, Edward's wife, is about what you'd expect from a character that's just there for the eventual conflict when it blows up on the screen.  Robert Webber, as Edward's friend and donation machine to the church school, Ward, is great.  I've always dug this guy's work and he goes from charming to rapist asshole at the drop of a hat.  I really dug his character's role in the big scheme of things.  His was one of the more interesting roles.  And then there's Charles Bronson!

When we first meet him, he's working on a nude wooden sculpture of Elizabeth Taylor.  Why?  Because of course he is, that's why.  He's got the maker's touch.  He can literally make women out of shit you can find lying around the beach.  Hell, he could probably do it anywhere with any material.  He's just that good!  If that's not enough, he goes toe to toe with Edward, a mouthpiece for God, and stands his own!  Take that Jesus, you glorified birthday party magician!

Here he is with more of his creations.

I know what you're saying, "Hey, why does Charles Bronson need to make women when there are billions of them on this planet alone?"  Yeah, I thought you'd say something like that.  Well, you see, it's because THAT'S NOT ENOUGH WOMEN; he needs to make more to satisfy his gargantuan lust!  And what's wrong with having them look like Liz Fucking Taylor?  Fuck me sideways, that woman was a piece of work.  What a talent!

I mentioned that the movie is predictable.  On an early meeting between Edward and Laura, she gets him to help her mend a broken wing on a young sandpiper (bird).  Right then and there you know exactly where this is going and it goes exactly there.  You see, the wounded bird represents her son which she is having to let slowly leave the comfortable nest she's made for them, and by the end of the movie she'll have to accept that he's movie on, just as the bird is ready to move on and be with other birds.  They come back to the bird a few times before the end and each time it's like getting hit on the head with the foreshadowing hammer.  It gets even worse and more ham-fisted when Edward even spells it out in dialogue near the end.  Now, I have no doubt that this included in the novel the film is based on and I get that this was now 56 years ago but for the love of Pete, this surely had to be just as obvious to audiences then almost as it is now.  OMFG it was so painful to go through.  For the most part, this was a good movie, but shit like that really takes it down a peg or two.  This is a soft recommend as there's just enough in it to be entertained but there are speed bumps along the way that will slow you down, and running over that sandpiper isn't one of them.

Beyond Atlantis (1973)

Director:  Eddie Romero

Writers:  Charles Eric Johnson, Stephanie Rothman

Composer:  Ed. Norton

Starring:  Patrick Wayne, John Ashley, Leigh Christian, Sid Haig, Lenore Stevens, George Nader, Vic Diaz, Andres Centenera, Eddie Garcia, Kenneth J. Warren, Gil Arceo, Kim Ramos, Angelo Ventura

More info:  IMDb

Tagline:  Forgotten by nature... invaded by modern man... half human... half fish!

Plot:  A band of adventurers invade a native island determined to grab a reported fortune in buried treasure. The islanders are just as determined to keep their sacred treasure. Complications ensue.

My rating:   5.5/10

Will I watch it again?   No.

It didn't take too long into this to realize I'd seen this before but it seemed to have promise plus, with Sid Haig and Vic Diaz, I couldn't say no.  As the picture wore on I started to remember more and more until it was too late; the movie was over.  This wouldn't have been that bad of a movie to see in the drive-in back in the day but it would've been better if there had been a little nudity and some bloody action.  The IMDb trivia says that star Patrick Wayne (son of The Duke) said the only way he'd sign on is if it were PG and without nudity, something the family could enjoy.  I think we'd have been better off with someone else in the lead if that's the sacrifice.  There were dozens of actors who could've easily filled that role.  Sid Haig plays a scoundrel pimp, East Eddie.  He's an asshole to just about everyone that is until he's assembled his team.  Once they're all on the island looking for the valuable pearls, he's a straight up nice guy.  His complete tonal shift can be justified by a man who's operating a business deal and does what's needed to get the job done but it is a striking, quick change in character.  I really dug the score but it's wildly different enough in places that I wonder if all of it was written specifically for this picture.  It does have some nice moments.  The story is easy to get through with few, if any, surprises.  I must say the ending was dumb and a cheap way of getting out of one last action sequence.  With a few exploitation touches, this could've been a fun night at the movies but with it being as tame as it is, it's a mild time-waster on a lazy afternoon.

Hell's Angels '69 (1969)

 

Director:  Lee Madden

Writers:  Don Tait, Tom Stern, Jeremy Slate

Composer:  Tony Bruno

Starring:  Tom Stern, Jeremy Slate, Conny Van Dyke, G.D. Spradlin, Bobby Hall, Steve Sandor, Sonny Barger, Terry the Tramp, Clifford Workman, Tiny Walters, Charles Tinsley, and the Oakland Hell's Angels

More info:  IMDb

Tagline:  This was the RUMBLE that ROCKED Las Vegas!

Plot:  Chuck and his brother Wes are wealthy siblings who plan to rob Caesar's Palace more for fun than profit.  Oh, yeah, they're going to use the unsuspecting Hell's Angels to pull it off!

My rating:   7.5/10

Will I watch it again?   Yes.

 

Well goddamn this was different!  Biker flicks are nearly always predictable and they follow a similar pattern.  This one's very different.  The fact that a couple of wealthy brothers use the Hell's Angels (without the knowledge of the gang) to help them knock off Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas is a very unusual idea.  It's not hard to see how this got made by any studio.  Sure, it's AIP, a studio known for it's low budget drive-in movie fare, but it's still a studio with budget and a crew and not some max out your credit cards to get it made kind of a deal.  Hell, they even got a soundtrack album released on Capitol Records!  Nice going, fellas!!!

The premise is great although I knew nothing of the plot going in so the heist caught my completely by surprise.  The acting serves the film well enough and the lead actors (the brothers) do a very nice job.  Take a look at their credits, they are impressive.  Usually in a biker flick there'd be a ton of padding with the gang riding around everywhere and while that's here, it's just enough and it doesn't feel like it's there to eat up some time.  There's a variety of camera angles and other things you just don't expect to find with this genre.  And this is from a first-time director!!!  I'm going to have to see what else Lee Madden has done.  This picture is 96 minutes and I was left wanting more.   And HOLY FUCKING SHIT!  That ending!!! 

 

 

The Revolt of the Pretorians (1964)

Original title:  La Rivolta dei Pretoriani

Director:  Alfonso Brescia

Writer:  Gian Paolo Callegari

Composer:  Carlo Franci

Starring:  Richard Harrison, Moira Orfei, Piero Lulli, Giuliano Gemma, Paola Pitti, Ivy Holzer, Fedele Gentile, Amedeo Trilli, Mirko Ellis, Renato Montalbano, Salvatore Furnari, Massimo Carocci, Aldo Cecconi

More info:  IMDb

Plot:  Rome chafes under the rule of the Emperor Domitian and his Egyptian mistress, Artamne. A mysterious champion arises to fight against the Emperor -- a masked man known as the Red Wolf. In fact, the Red Wolf is Valerius Rufus, one of the Emperor's trusted centurions who's aided by none other than the Emperor's court jester, the diminutive Elpidion. Rebels in league with Valerius kidnap Artamne, planning to exchange her for two of their imprisoned colleagues, but Artamne escapes and soon both Valerius, (now exposed as the Red Wolf), and his fiancee, Lucilla, are sentenced to be immersed in a cauldron of molten lead. Valerius's friends, however, rise up to rescue him and to liberate Rome.

My rating:   6/10

Will I watch it again?  Nah.

 

This is one of better lower-tiere Sword & Sandal pictures the Italians churned out in the 1960s so I'd say that's not a bad recommendation.  It's not bad and it's not great but it has a comfortable seat at the S&S table.  They were able to take the simple story and not pad it with a bunch of boring nonsense.  There's a good deal of action and it's pretty liberally sprinkled throughout.  The group fighting suffers from the typical lazy choreography of the time, but you see that in even the biggest of budgeted pictures.  If you change your focus off the main fighting and look at the background fighters, you'll see what I mean.  But then when you get to where it's just Richard Harrison fighting, that's almost an entirely different sport.  This guy is very physical and he the the actor/stuntman against him really put on a show.  It also helps that the camera gets a lot of shots of the entire mano-a-mano fight in the frame.  It's not without quick closeup cutaways that look fake as hell but it's a treat just to see chunks of a fight in glorious widescreen and mostly without one note of music (nice!).  

 

 

 

This picture must've had a better budget than most because the sets look better and more lavish.  The acting is better, too, although it's hard to tell sometimes when it's dubbed in English and most of the cast are Italian.  If you're into this genre then it's worth a look.  If not, then go for the big budget Hollywood S&S flicks like SPARTACUS (1960) and BEN-HUR (1959). 

The Rules of Film Noir (2009)

 

Director:  Elaine Donnelly Pieper

Writer:  Matthew Sweet

Starring:  Matthew Sweet (host), Sheri Chinen Biesen, Neil Brand, Sarah Churchwell, Roger Deakins, John Mathieson, George Pelecanos, Paul Schrader, Adrian Wootton

More info:  IMDb

Plot:  Documentary that shows the characteristic traits of film noir and their historical context.

My rating:   7.5/10

Will I watch it again?   Nah.

This near one-hour BBC documentary does a great job at condensing the style and what makes a film noir movie a good primer for someone who has little to no knowledge of the genre.  The language used (from writer/host Matthew Sweet) is often in the style of the films their discussing which adds to the fun.  There are the usual clips from the greatest hits of the genre and the standard bases covered from the dialogue, to lighting/shadows, music, bad news broads, doomed heroes and so on.  For longtime fans of the genre, you've probably seen everything discussed but if not, it's definitely worth checking out.

House on Bare Mountain (1962)

Directors:  Lee Frost, Wes Bishop

Writer:  Denver Scott

Composer:  Pierre Martel

Starring:  Bob Cresse, Laine Carlin, Leticia Cooper, Laura Eden, Connie Hudson, Dan Hyland, William Kirk, Ingrid Lind, Virginia Mark, Ann Perry, Angela Webster, Warren Ames, Jeffrey Smithers, William Engesser

More info:  IMDb

Tagline:  See Frankenstein do the twist with Miss Hollywood!

Plot:  Granny Good runs a school for girls.  What they don't know is Granny has a 7'2" wolfman in the basement working her illegal still and the cops have planted one of their beautiful, busty officers in her school to find out more.



My rating:   5/10

Will I watch it again?   No.

Nudie Cuties are good for one thing only and that's for showing lots of naked women.  They're known for also being unfunny and badly acted.  Knowing these things going in helps a lot.  If you set your expectations in the basement, there's no where to go but up, right?  This one actually made me laugh out loud a little.  That's something positive to say.  And then I was struck by the quality of "acting" from the girls.  The guys are terrible but the girls do a great job.  Usually everyone in these kinds of pictures is pretty bad but there seemed to be more talent in these gals than what rests on their chests.  Talk about a refreshing change and I loved it for that!

At Grannie's school, we get to see the girls study...

Exercise - jumping rope is a favorite!

They study the arts!

And we get to study them studying the arts!  There's a lot of talent on display!!!

All of the gals are getting ready for the annual costume party and this young lady didn't spend much time on hers.

Granny scolded her for wearing so little so she returned fully costumed.

I know what you're thinkin', pal.

The jig is up, Granny!

She just finished memorizing the dictionary she started at the beginning of the movie.

The story is as simple and dumb as it needs to be and there are exactly the number of bare boobs there needs to be as well.   Trust me, I counted each and every one.  Despite this being only 62 minutes long, there is A TON of padding, mostly during the party scene where there's lots and lots of dancing footage.  That kind of thing is usually dull but it's mildly entertaining here because of the goofiness of it all and, uh, more boobs.  The monsters on the poster don't really figure into it except for Granny's 7'2" tall werewolf slaving away at the still.  He growls every once in a while and Granny interprets this to let us know he's complaining about getting .13 an hour and he wants to unionize.  It gets an earned laugh at the end when Granny thinks it's the law that shows up (which they do but that's another part of the story) when it turns out it's a union official investigating claims of poor working conditions.

Of particular note (mostly to me) is this is Lee Frost's second directorial gig.  His first, SURTIDE 77 (1962), is my favorite movie of his (so far).  It's hilarious and worth checking out.   It's also got Bob Cresse playing this same granny character, easily ripping off Jonathan Winters' similar character.  However, he is pretty good at it and manages to get a few laughs.

The Undying Monster (1942)

Director:  John Brahm

Writers:  Lillie Hayward, Michael Jacoby, Jessie Douglas Kerruish

Composers:  Emil Newman, David Raksin, Arthur Lange, Cyril J. Mockridge

Starring:  James Ellison, Heather Angel, John Howard, Bramwell Fletcher, Heather Thatcher, Aubrey Mather, Halliwell Hobbes

More info:  IMDb

Tagline:  Sinister! Savage! Supernatural!

Plot:  Surviving members of an aristocratic English family are threatened by a legendary monster when they venture out on chilly, foggy nights.

My rating:   6.5/10

Will I watch it again?   Nah.

 

If you're looking for some "undying monster" or werewolf action, you're going to find very little here and that's a shame.  However, what we've got is a great looking gothic mystery with a horror setting that delivers on atmosphere and a fast-paced, tight running time of just barely an hour.  It feels like a cross from a traditional werewolf movie and the Sherlock Holmes story, THE HOUND OF THE BASKERVILLES, leaning heavily on the latter.  I was struck by how good the picture looked.  The pacing is brisk and I'd even say too fast because it felt like stretching it out more would've made it better and less rushed.  But they do pack an awful lot into those 63 minutes.  The performances are good and I just loved Heather Thatcher as Christy, a lady detective that works alongside Bob (James Ellison).  She's got a dark, gallows sense of humor and she gets giddy when grisly matters are discussed.  I wanted more of her.  She was a real treat.  

 

This picture looks and feels great, much better than other B-movies of the day.  And there's a reason.  It's got a bevy of talent in front of and behind the camera.  Director John Brahm would go on to make HANGOVER SQUARE (1945), a movie I've heard great things about for decades and I only know of because of Bernard Herrmann's great score from it, art director Richard Day who went on to work on some of Hollywood's biggest classics (with nearly 300 film credits!!!), plus there are the composers, specifically David Raksin and finally cinematographer Lucien Ballard who camerawork graced the screens of a lot of famous classics including THE WILD BUNCH (1969).

 

Having seen that image before watching the movie, I was waiting for it and never saw it, not even close.  I even went back and see if I blinked for too long and couldn't find it.  Maybe it was cut from the movie and only used as a publicity still.  It looks great, though.

There's a trial in the final act that felt unnecessary but it's the last five minutes that was too much to handle.  Bob and Christy solve the case but it's another character that confesses to them that they were in on it the whole time.  Everyone has a good laugh about it and Bob and Christy take it much too lightly.  If this person confessed all of this shit like that I would've been pissed and pressed formal charges.  It was a fucked up scene considering everything that everyone had just been through.  Just sayin'.  What little werewolf action there is occurs briefly in the beginning and almost as briefly near the end with everything in between a who-done-it.