The Clown (1953)

Director: Robert Z. Leonard

Starring: Red Skelton, Jane Greer, Tim Considine, Loring Smith, Philip Ober, Lou LUbin, Fay Roope, Walter Reed, Billy Barty, Charles Bronson

More info: IMDb

Tagline: You'll cry...You'll laugh...You'll love it!

Plot: Once a famous Ziegfeld star, Dodo Delwyn, is reduced to playing clowns in burlesque and amusement parks as a result of his drinking. His son Little Dink idolizes Dodo and faithfully believes in a comeback. He persuades "Uncle" Goldie, Dodo's agent in the good old days, to find a booking for Dodo. He can't, and Dink is sent to live with his remarried-and-wealthy mother, Paula. The unhappy Dink runs back to his father. His welcome return gives Dodo the courage needed to try a knockabout TV show offered by Goldie.

My rating: 8.5/10

Will I watch it again? Yes.

#15 on Project: Badass Charles Bronson

BRONSON'S AGE: 32
LEVEL OF BADASSICITY (10 being the highest): 7  Bronson (as Eddie) runs a dice game that Dodo (Skelton) loses a lot of dough in and Eddie insists on Dodo paying up.  Dodo had no idea how close he came to certain death as Bronson would have pulverized him and that would have been the end of one of the funniest men on the planet.  One punch from Bronson to Skelton's kisser and it would have been the day the laughter died.

Red Skelton really was one of the funniest guys on the planet.  He was incredibly good at making people laugh.  My dad told me a story when I was a kid that on Skelton's 1950s TV show he had a woman reach into his pocket to pull out some object and while she was in his pocket she said, "I feel crazy doing this", to which he replied without missing a beat, "Dig a little deeper and you'll feel nuts.".  I hope that's a true story. 

THE CLOWN is heartbreaking.  Even though Skelton is incredibly funny he's also able to bring out the pathos of Dodo that's gut-wrenching.  It's a powerful performance.  He plays optimistically hopeless very well.  Tim Considine who plays his son, Dink, is fantastic as well. These two actors make their relationship real which is the reason this picture works so well.  Sure, it's well written, directed, shot, scored, etc, but it's the central performances from these two and their chemistry that knocks this picture out of the park.  I was laughing my ass off and bawling like a baby at the end.  What a remarkable picture.

Deep Blue Sea (1999)

Director: Renny Harlin

Starring: Thomas Jane, Saffron Burrows, Samuel L. Jackson, Jacqueline McKenzie, Michael Rapaport, Stellan Skarsgard, LL Cool J, Aida Turturro, Cristos, Daniel Ray

More info: IMDb

Tagline: Bigger. Smarter. Faster. Meaner.

Plot: Searching for a cure to Alzheimer's disease a group of scientists on an isolated research facility become the bait as a trio of intelligent sharks fight back.

My rating: 7/10

Will I watch it again? Sure.

This one took me by surprise.  The poster looked idiotic, the premise equally so and it's directed by Renny Harlin but the cast sold me, especially Samuel L. Jackson.  It's a fun action/horror flick.  I'm so reluctant to watch a Renny Harlin picture ever since I saw CUTTHROAT ISLAND (1995) when it came out and I couldn't believe how bad it was.  I didn't like that one a single bit.  Except for that one everything else I've seen of his has moments of great action sequences and a moderate level of fun.  DBS turned out just fine. Jackson's exit had me screaming with laughter and that one scene alone is worth watching this picture.

My Little Chickadee (1940)

Director: Edward F. Cline

Starring: Mae West, W.C. Fields, Joseph Calleia, Dick Foran, Ruth Donnelly, Margaret Hamilton, Donald Meek, Fuzzy Knight, Willard Robertson, George Moran

More info: IMDb

Tagline: It's the lafftime of a lifetime ! . . as "Wild Bill" Fields tries to tame the West!

Plot: Rightly suspected of illicit relations with the Masked Bandit, Flower Belle Lee is run out of Little Bend. On the train she meets con man Cuthbert J. Twillie and pretends to marry him for "respectability." Arrived in Greasewood City with his unkissed bride, Twillie is named sheriff by town boss Jeff Badger...with an ulterior motive. Meanwhile, both stars inimitably display their specialties, as Twillie tends bar and plays cards, and Flower Belle tames the town's rowdy schoolboys.

My rating: 8.5/10

Will I watch it again? You bet your sugar tits I will!

Hilarious.  Mae West and W.C. Fields wrote the screenplay but it's West that steals the show.  Fields has his moments but they're not as funny as some of his other work where he's so cynical.  Mae West, though, spits out a lot double entendres and many of them are incredibly funny and dirty that I'm surprised they got passed the censors.

There's one that sticks out where, after returning from being kidnapped by the masked bandit (she was really hot for this guy, see), she's asked about how the ordeal was and she says something like, "I was in a tight spot but I wriggled out of it".  You know exactly what she meant by the sexy way she delivers it. She's all kinds of smokin' hot and she needs to have my babies.  At 84 minutes this flick really packs in the funny.  I've got the two W.C. Fields box sets and I'm only two movies in (the other was INTERNATIONAL HOUSE (1933)) and so far I'm totally sold.

Love Letters of a Portuguese Nun (1977)

Director: Jesus Franco

Starring: Susan Hemingway, William Berger, Herbert Fux, Ana Zanatti, Aida Vargas, Vitor Mendes, Isa Schneider, Herman Jose, Patricia Da Silva, Victor de Sousa, Nicolau Breyner, Esther Studer, Dagmar Burger, Anton Diffring

More info: IMDb

Plot: When Father Vincente (Berger) catches 15 year old Maria Rosalea (Hemingway) fooling around with her boyfriend, a visit to her destitute mother results in Maria getting a one-way ticket to the Serreda Iris cloister where she must atone for her sins. After Mother Alma (Zanatti) confirms that she is still a virgin, Vincente begins to weave his wicked web, persuading his charge to relay the contents of her erotic dreams. In a desperate cry for help, Maria asks one of the nuns to post despatch a letter to her mother, a decision that backfires as her missive ends up in the hands of Mother Alma. This time, retribution is to be far more severe as Maria discovers her sacred virginity will be offered to Satan himself.

My rating: 5.5/10

Will I watch it again? No.

Part of the Nunsploitation Project (July & August 2013). Click here for more naughty nun insanity!  

Franco is known for is abundance of sleaze and not for his storytelling but sometimes he managed to combine both.  The other day I watched THE DEMONS (1973) and I was duly impressed that, while there was a good deal of nudity, he made a fun and interesting film.  A few years later he revisits the convent for this picture.  He brings the exploitation elements that he holds so dear and despite the plethora of naked women, he's surprisingly reserved in lingering on it for too long.

It's not nearly as good as THE DEMONS as this one barely held my attention.  The nudity helped but it wasn't enough.  I do need substance sometimes you know.  Of the dozen or so Nunsploitation pictures I've watched in the past couple of weeks this is the worst but it's not a bad picture, just a dull one, not that you'd get that idea from the screenshots.

One aspect I liked that has been missing in all of the previous Nunsploitation pictures (there was one that barely touched on it though) is Satanism.  The gals (and dude) here loves them some Satan and need a virgin.  It's sometimes a good idea to keep one around just in case.

The title is misleading.  Young Maria writes one letter to her mother pleading for her help in rescuing her from these Satan worshipers and another letter at the end of the film the day before her execution, asking God to forgive her, blah, blah, blah, which she lets fly out of the tower window.  This studly guy happens upon it and and saves the day.  Sorry. Spoilers.

They're hardly love letters.  That's immaterial I suppose.  It's all about the horrible things that happen to this poor girl.  There's lots of nudity and torture and that's the real draw.  I needed a more compelling story (I know, right?).  This picture is dull. Watch his much better Nunsploitation film, THE DEMONS instead or any of the other films on the Nunsploitation list that came before this one. 

The Last of the Secret Agents? (1966)

Director: Norman Abbott

Starring: Marty Allen, Steve Rossi, John Williams, Nancy Sinatra, Lou Jacobi, Theodore Marcuse, Carmen Dell'Orefice, Remo Pisani, Ben Lessy, Loren Ewing, Sig Ruman, Larry Duran, Wilhelm von Homburg, Aida Fires, Harvey Korman, Edy Williams

More info: IMDb

Tagline: Will spying ever be the same again?

Plot:  Two tourists, portrayed by the comic duo Marty Allen and Steve Rossi, are talked into working for the good guys to keep art thieves from stealing the Venus di Milo at the London World Fair.

My rating: 6.5/10

Will I watch it again? Yeah, if a widescreen print surfaces.

#48 on 42nd Street Forever Vol. 2: The Deuce (part of the TRAILER TRASH PROJECT)

This flick literally starts off with a bang (several of them).

I love monkeys that know how to wear a fez!

The first ten minutes are funny but then it slacks off.  I dig the great titles and theme song even though it's a obvious ripoff of Nancy Sinatra's smash hit, These Boots are Made for Walking.

Probably my favorite bit is the topless club sequence, cleverly showing lots of topless women while keeping it clean for the kids.  And I love how Micheline (Sinatra) is trying to woo Steve but he's not buyin' what she's sellin'.

Harvey Korman has a brief, silly scene.

The real stars of the show are Martin and Rossi.  These guys are hilarious.

 

WOW! Who's the smokin' hot broad on the left?  

She just got fast-tracked to the top of my "...needs to have my babies" list!

Silly comedies like this are hit and miss for me, usually misses.  This one works because of Martin and Rossi and more of the gags work than they don't.  It's a reasonable way to kill 90 minutes on a lazy Saturday or Sunday.  I think I'd have to buy it if a widescreen DVD ever showed up.  These guys are funny even if the picture isn't from start to finish.

El Rojo (1967)

Director: Leopoldo Savona

Starring: Richard Harrison, Piero Lulli, Nieves Navarro, Mirko Ellis, Annie Gorassini, Jose Jaspe, Rita Klein, Andrea Aureli, Raf Baldassarre

More info: IMDb

Plot: The Sorenson family is massacred, apparently by Indians. On the site of the killing, a town, Gold Hill grows up, run by a group of businessmen. Years later, El Rojo, alias the last surviving Sorenson arrives, bringing the truth about the massacre, and revenge.

My rating: 6/10

Will I watch it again? Eventually, after I've exhausted every other Spaghetti Western ever made.

I love it when kids get killed...and in the first five minutes of a movie!

With over 500 Spaghetti Westerns produce from '63 to '77, there aren't many that are considered great.  I'd say maybe 20 or so are the cream of the crop.  Most of them, like any genre, lie closer to the middle.  That's about where this one sits.  It's not that bad but the problem is it's not doing much to be all that good.  It seems to be trying not to suck...and it succeeds.  Richard Harrison is rather bland.  Sometimes he looks the part...

...and sometimes he doesn't.

There's a strange moment when Harrison walks into a saloon where this broad strikes up a strange ballad that in no way fits the Old West.

 
Meet the bad guys!

 

And the winner of the Steve Carell lookalike  contest, 1967.

 

Look out, it's Black Bart!

Joe's got a comic relief sidekick, Hank.  He used to invent shit during the Civil War which comes in handy.  You know his weaponry is going to play a big roll in saving the hero at the end of the picture the instant you find out what he used to do.  It's shit like that that's telegraphed miles before it happens so there aren't many surprises.  Black Bart was about the best thing about the picture because you can't figure him out until it's over.  Nice work with that character.  He really makes the already decent ending even better.