War (2007)

Director: Philip G. Atwell

Starring: Jet Li, Jason Statham, John Lone, Devon Aoki, Luis Guzman, Laul Rubinek, Ryo Ishibashi, Sung Kang, Mathew St. Patrick, Nadine Velazquez

More info: IMDb

Tagline: One wants justice, the other wants revenge.

Plot: After his partner Tom Lone and family are killed apparently by the infamous and elusive assassin Rogue, FBI agent Jack Crawford becomes obsessed with revenge as his world unravels into a vortex of guilt and betrayal. Rogue eventually resurfaces to settle a score of his own, setting off a bloody crime war between Asian mob rivals Chang of the Triad's and Yakuza boss Shiro. When Jack and Rogue finally come face to face, the ultimate truth of their pasts will be revealed.

My rating: 5/10

Will I watch it again? No.


Wow.  I think this might be the first Jason Statham movie I've seen that I definitely won't watch again.  Statham is being Statham and that's fine with me.  Li, though, is rather dull and the cat-and-mouse game between the two didn't grab my attention.  I was bored.  It didn't help that the movie gets close enough to two hours to make it painful to finish.  Woof.

Resident Evil 2: Apocalypse (2004)

Director: Alexander Witt

Starring: Milla Jovovich, Sienna Guillory, Oded Fehr, Thomas Kretschmann, Sophie Vavasseur, Razaaq Adoti, Jared Harris, Mike Epps, Sandrine Holt

More info: IMDb

Tagline: You're all going to die

Plot: Alice awakes in Raccoon City, only to find it has become infested with zombies and monsters. With the help of Jill Valentine and Carlos Olivera, Alice must find a way out of the city before it is destroyed by a nuclear missile.

My rating:  5.5/10

Will I watch it again? No. In fact, I might be done with the franchise.

OK, I was reasonably satisfied with the first film but this one has got me wondering if I need to bother continuing with the series.  It's over the top but it's that stylish over the top with the industrial score and darkly lit settings that either works for you or it doesn't and fore me...it doesn't.  It's mostly one long chase with one fight after another with a few spots for a breather. The Jovovitch badass character is starting to run thin.  I guess I just want her to be less one dimensional.  Sienna Guillory didn't work for me.  Miscast?  I think so. I did feel pretty great about the scene where she's trying to be all badassy in slow motion and throws the matches to ignite the gas behind her and the matches blew out by the time they made their target at which point Alice tosses the cigarette to finish the job. The best part of the movie?

Not that, but since I'm already here...Milla? Please eat.  No, the best part of the movie was the final scene where you find out something that sets up the sequel and you're thinking, "Oh fucking hell yeah!", but after seeing this one I'm not so sure I want to continue.  I've got countless shitty movies to watch as it is.

The Untouchables (1987)

Director: Brian De Palma

Starring: Kevin Costner, Sean Connery, Charles Martin Smith, Andy Garcia, Robert De Niro, Richard Bradford, Jack Kehoe, Brad Sullivan, Billy Drago, Patricia Clarkson

More info: IMDb

Tagline: AL CAPONE. He ruled Chicago with absolute power. No one could touch him. No one could stop him. - Until Eliot Ness and a small force of men swore they'd bring him down.

Plot: Federal Agent Eliot Ness assembles a team of uncorruptable cops to take down Chicago's number one crime boss, Al Capone.

My rating: 10/10

Will I watch it again? YES!!!

I'm a sucker for 20s/30s era gangster pictures.  I caught this one in the theater on it's initial release and about had an orgasm.  It's one of those rare 'punch the air' films for me.  I get all riled up and filled with "FUCK YEAH!"s.  I know the film makers dicked around with the story and there's a lot of things that didn't happen the way they portrayed it, a huge one being the exit of Frank Nitti.  But all of that doesn't matter because it's one hell of an entertaining movie.  I love it.  The look, cinematography, EXCELLENT score by Ennio Morricone, performances (LOVE that Connery), it all works beautifully.  The scene with the little girl and the briefcase STILL gets me and I've seen this picture a couple dozen times.  This is one of my go-to feel good pictures that never gets old and always puts a huge smile on my face.  Oh, and that baseball bat scene...ooh!

A Is for Acid (2002)

Director: Harry Bradbeer

Starring: Martin Clunes, Keeley Hawes, Richard Hope, Celia Imrie, Rowena Cooper, John Flanagan, Terence Beesley, Matyelok Gibbs, Barbara Marten

More info: IMDb


Plot: The film traces the life and deeds of a true life serial killer, John George Haig AKA the Acid Bath Murderer. Whilst in jail for fraud in the thirties he accidentally discovers the effect that acid has on animal bodies. He subsequently "offs" a series of people including a couple a family and three strangers by inviting them to his "workshop". He dissolves the bodies in oil drums full of acid. The film cuts to flashbacks of his upbringing by zealously religious parents, but steers clear of obviously blaming the parents for the son's murderous behaviour.



My rating: 7.5/10

Will I watch it again? Yes.

Sing along with me...J is for jacks, acidicly sweet, acid jacks.  Sorry.  Couldn't resist.  Here's a serial killer flick I bet you haven't heard of.  It's casual pacing may turn off some but if you're like me you'll be mesmerized by Martin Clunes' understated and boyish performance.  As always, I wonder where the film strays from the facts but as it's laid out here, Haigh was charming, quiet and calculated; all in the innocence of England in the 1940s (OK, I'm sure it wasn't all that innocent but it was a different time).  I really enjoyed it.  Clunes is fantastic and I was really captivated by his performance.  I almost wanted him to get away with it.  This isn't like any serial killer flick I've ever seen and the damn thing had to be recorded off the Lifetime Network of all places as it's not available on DVD. 

Fist of Jesus (2012)

Directors: Adrian Cardona & David Munoz

Starring: Marc Velasco, Noe Blancafort, Salvador Llos, Victoria Roldan, Roger Sotera, Jose Maria Angorilla

More info: IMDb & www.fistofjesus.com


Tagline: Jesus is always willing to lend a hand to those in need, but there are others ... that will taste his fist.

Plot:  Jesus unwittingly starts the zombie apocalypse.  Only he can end it.

My rating: 8/10

Will I watch it again? Yep.

OMFG is this funny (and gory as shit)!  It's only fifteen minutes long so you're not in for much of a commitment.  It's also really well shot and acted. I don't know what camera they used but it looks fantastic.  There's not much to say except just watch it already and have a good laugh.

The Bloody Judge (1970)

Director: Jesus Franco

Starring: Christopher Lee, Maria Schell, Leo Genn, Hans Hass Jr., Maria Rohm, Margaret Lee, Pietro Martellazna, Howard Vernon, Milo Quesada

More info: IMDb

Tagline: Horror will hold you helpless!

Plot: This erotic horror film from cult director Jesus Franco is based on the witch-hunting exploits of Lord Chief Justice Jeffreys (Lee), a real historical figure who died in prison in 1702 at the age of 54. In 1685 England, young Alicia Gray is burnt for witchcraft. Alicia's sister Mary (Rohm) unwisely falls for Harry Selton (Hass), a rebel against King James II. After the rebels are defeated, Harry is captured by agents of Lord Chief Justice Jeffreys, who defends the crown by accusing its enemies of witchcraft. Also a captive, Mary tries to save her lover by surrendering herself to the cruel Judge, who takes perverse sexual pleasure in sadistic torture.

My rating: 6/10

Will I watch it again? Nah.

#2 on Drive-In Delirium Volume 1 (part of the TRAILER TRASH PROJECT)

What starts out as a 17th century witch persecution flick ends up as a witch/war/political picture...but it's LOADED with nudity!  Besides the bushell loads of beautiful babes and boobs it's got Christopher Lee playing a real mean son of a bitch judge oozing with righteous fury.  He's a lot of fun and a great reason to watch this picture.  I like films like this, set during this time whether they're about witches or not.  The atmosphere is great.  I love the colors in films like this made in the 60s and 70s.  I'm surprised that Jess Franco directed it because it's not a bad film.  It looks great and is pretty entertaining except that it's way too long and it meanders all over the place (I did watch the extended, uncut version - the only way to see it).  What doesn't surprise me about this being directed by Franco is the gratuitous nudity.  That man had an eye for gorgeous women and we're all thankful for that.  The problem is that the rest of the picture drags in more than a few spots and that's enough to keep me from coming back for more but I'm glad I got to see it if for nothing else, I got to hear another great score from Bruno Nicolai.

Road House (1989)

Director: Rowdy Herrington

Starring: Patrick Swayze, Kelly Lynch, Sam Elliott, Ben Gazzara, Marshal R. Teague, Julie Michaels, Red West, Sunshine Parker, Jeff Healey, Kevin Tighe

More info: IMDb

Tagline: The dancing's over. Now it gets dirty.

Plot: When it becomes too violent at the Double Deuce road house, the club owner hires Dalton, a professional "cooler" (head bouncer) to clean it up. But Dalton's early successes and budding romance with the local doctor enrages Wesley, the town crime boss. When Dalton continues to defy him, the stage is set for a dramatic confrontation that will test Dalton's limits and decide the fate of the town.

My rating: 7/10

Will I watch it again? Yeah.  The Kevin Smith commentary is begging me to.

Boy, was that fun! I finally got around to seeing it.  It was a hell of a lot more fun than I ever imagined.  I love how everyone is playing it straight, especially Swayze.  I thought for sure that the near-two hour run time would hurt it but the pacing was strong and moved along pretty quick. The fight scenes were a gas and there was a surprising amount of nudity.  Say, that reminds me.  Am I the only one who noticed a homoerotic vibe in this picture?

 

Gay

 Gay

Gay

 

And this guy actually says, "I fucked guys like you in prison."