Bay Cove (1987)

Director: Carl Schenkel

Starring: Pamela Sue Martin, Tim Matheson, Barbara Billingsley, Jeff Conaway, Woody Harrelson, Susan Ruttan, James Sikking, Inga Swenson

More info: IMDb


Plot: Linda and Jerry LeBon have moved to what seems like the perfect community of Bay Cove, it's quiet and peaceful with an old town charm. Little by little they start realizing that all is not right with the people who live there and find that Bay Cove is a coven for witches who need a human sacrifice before the next full moon. Whom should they pick?

My rating: 5.5/10

Will I watch it again? Nope.

I would say I liked this picture better when it was called ROSEMARY'S BABY (1968) but it only feels like a wannabe for a while.  What separates this from that one is it's very weak on horror and it's weak as a thriller.  It's by the numbers all the way including the cop-out ending (SPOILERS...she lives and they die...END OF SPOILERS).  What you might want to watch this for is the large number of familiar faces.  The acting is just fine and everything else seems to be in place it's just that the movie just sits there waiting for a spark of something remotely exciting.  BAY COVE is a mild, Lifetime Channel horror/thriller that's barely a reasonable time killer.

The Astro-Zombies (1968)

Director: Ted V. Mikels

Starring: Wendell Corey, John Carradine, Tom Pace, Joan Patrick, Tura Satana, Rafael Campos, Joe Hoover, Victor Izay

More info: IMDb

Tagline: Dismembered Bodies, Transplanted Organs, Are Used To Create The...Astro-Zombies!

Plot: After being fired from the Space Agency, the disgruntled (not to mention crazy) Dr. DeMarco creates an Astroman from a criminal's dead body. However, he loses control of his creation, which goes on a killing spree, attracting the attention of an international spy ring and the CIA.

My rating: 5/10

Will I watch it again? No.

I've seen some Mikels films before and they aren't pretty.  Boring and inept are two words that come to mind.  Regardless, the man's made a bunch of movies and I haven't made one.  ASTRO-ZOMBIES is probably the least retarded I've seen so far (I'm not in a hurry to check out his entire catalog) not like that's saying much. The scenes with Carradine are drawn out as he takes his time to explain in detail all of the science behind all of this to his seemingly dumb assistant.  The first scene like this takes forever.  The best part of this whole affair is having the awesome Tura Satana as one of the bad guys.  She's a hoot but nowhere near as commanding as she was in Russ Meyer's masterpiece, FASTER, PUSSYCAT! KILL! KILL! (1965) but seeing her in this made it more fun than usual.  If low-to-no budget, snail's pace action and bad acting are your bag, this one's...well, just lower your standards a little.

A Fish Called Wanda (1988)

Director: Charles Crichton

Starring: John Cleese, Jamie Lee Curtis, Kevin Kline, Michael Palin, Maria Aitken, Tom Georgeson, Patricia Hayes, Geoffrey Palmer

More info: IMDb

Tagline: A tale of murder, lust, greed, revenge, and seafood.

Plot: Wanda and her boyfriend Otto are in England to plot alongside George and Ken the robbery of a diamond collection. Wanda and Otto want the stolen diamonds for themselves, and inform the police about George not knowing that he has already moved the diamonds to another secret place. Wanda thinks the best way to find out is by getting close to George's lawyer - Archie Leach.

 

My rating: 10/10

Will I watch it again?  and again, and again, and again...

This is one of my top 10 comedies.  I LOVE every aspect of this picture.  The casting is top notch, the gags are hilarious and all over the place, the score by John Du Prez, everything.  Kevin Kline deserved the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor.  He's hilarious.  It's rare that acting awards go to comedic performances and it's so nice that the film was rewarded with one.  I have so much love for this picture that I can't do it justice with words. 

MoH 204: Sounds Like (2006)

Director: Brad Anderson

Starring: Chris Bauer, Matty Finochio, Laura Margolis, Matthew Burgess, Blaine Anderson, Linnea Sharples, Nicholas Elia

More info: IMDb


Plot: Deeply affected by a personal tragedy, an office drone comes to realize his sense of hearing has taken on extraordinary capabilities that could drive him insane.

My rating: 7/10

Will I watch it again? It was good but once was fine.

Man is this series a roller coaster.  Chris Bauer is fantastic in the lead.  I really felt for the guy which made it even more tragic when he takes his turn for the worse.  It's a fun ride and is probably on the slow side for a lot of folks but the pay off is definitely worth it.  I need to see what else this guy did 'cause he's acting his dick off in this picture.  The sound design, btw, was really well done.  Bravo all the way around, kids.

The Hills Run Red (2009)

Director: Dave Parker

Starring: Sophie Monk, Tad Higenbrink, William Sadler, Janet Montgomery, Alex Wyndham, Ewan Bailey, Danko Jordanov

More info: IMDb

Tagline: Trespassers will be slaughtered...

Plot: A group of young horror fans go searching for a film that mysteriously vanished years ago but instead find that the demented killer from the movie is real, and he's thrilled to meet fans who will die gruesomely for his art.

My rating: 6.5/10

Will I watch it again? Sure.

I watched this twice, two nights in a row with different friends.  Why?  I kept nodding in and out of sleep the first night and I had questions that needed to be answered.  The second time was a mixed bag because the questions were answered and some more crept up.  For the most part, I dug this flick.  There's lots of blood and boobs for the gore hounds and there's also a pretty good, original story.


THE HILLS HAVE SPOILERS...

Why did Tyler have to get Alexa off drugs?  Forget the fact that it could have killed her the way he did it (I think she was playing a ruse to get him to believe her) but that sequence wasn't necessary at all from where I'm sitting.

END OF SPOILERS...YARRRRRR!

One thing that helps this picture is that it's only 81 minutes long and there's not an awful lot of fat (one big exception is the scene mentioned above).  Once the shit hits the fan it's a blood fest.  The kills are fun and messy and the ending was satisfying, especially after the credits roll.  If you see it somewhere for $5 or less you probably won't be sorry you added it to your collection.  One thing this isn't is boring.  I'll chalk up the fact that I dozed off a couple of times the first time to a long day at work, a dark room and two fingers of bourbon.

Yog: Monster from Space (1970)

Director: Ishiro Honda

Starring: Akira Kubo, Atsuko Takahashi, Yukiko Kobayashi, Kenji Sahara, Yoshio Tsuchiya

More info: IMDb

Tagline: Spewed from intergalactic space to clutch the planet earth in its...terror tentacles!

Plot: A space probe is infiltrated by alien beings and then crashes on a remote Pacific atoll. A group planning to build a resort hotel land on the island and discover it to be inhabited by giant mutant monsters created by the aliens in an attempt to conquer the world.

 

My rating: 7/10

Will I watch it again? I think so.

#15 on SCI-FI TRAILERS VOLUME 9 & 10 (part of the TRAILER TRASH PROJECT)

Color me surprised.  I liked it.  It’s a non-Godzilla man-in-a-rubber-suit Japanese monster movie that’s pretty damn entertaining.  There’s lots of monster action (there’s even some monster-on-monster stuff at the end – a giant crab vs. a giant turtle and when the turtle falls on its back, hilarious!) and the special effects (model work, etc) are lots of fun.  Akira Ifukube (composer of gobs of Godzilla pictures and then some) delivers a good score and the acting is good, too.  I was shocked not to find the typical comic relief character usually thrown into these sorts of pictures and I was STUNNED that the English dubbing was very well done.  This is one Kaiju (Japanese term for this genre of giant monster movies) picture I’m likely to revisit.

An American Haunting (2005)

Director: Courtney Solomon

Starring: Donald Sutherland, Sissy Spacek, James D'Arcy, Rachel Hurd-Wood, Matthew Marsh, Thom Fell, Zoe Thorne

More info: IMDb

Tagline: Possession Knows No Bounds

Plot: In 1818, the family began to experience disturbances on their property. The spirit began to grow, becoming aggressive and singling out the father, John, and his only daughter Betsy. The family desperately searched for the cause of the spirit in the hope of finding a way of defeating it. It developed voices and began speaking to the family. Then, finally it pronounced a death sentence on John.

 

My rating: 4.5/10

Will I watch it again?  Jesus, no.

This picture looks good.  It's got name actors, a decent score and bleak, cloudy, moody atmosphere.  What it doesn't have is anything to keep my attention.  It's unnecessarily slow and repetitive.  By the time I got to the end where the big 'reveal' is, I had stopped caring an hour earlier.  Seriously, when it felt like it had run its course and the end was near I checked the time and still had 45 minutes to go (half way through the picture).  That's not a good sign.  It's a dimly lit film.  I don't think the sun came out more than twice if that.  There is one thing, however, that takes the cake.  It's the best carriage flip I've EVER seen.  Fuck me sideways, this few seconds is amazing.

I know, right?  WOW!  Too bad the picture that contained it couldn't muster up anything close to that exciting for the 91 minutes that surrounds it.